What would you think if a shy person stopped being shy?

[harasgenster]

Ok, I know this is not helping me, but i'm actually worried about this!

If you knew someone who had always been shy around you - like, for years - and seemed distanced all the time, then one day they suddenly stopped being shy and were looking you in the eye and holding a conversation and being outgoing...what would you think? Like, if it had appeared to happen all of a sudden? Would you be uncomfortable with it? Would you think it was weird?

I know this is ridiculous, seriously. It's just that I've been trying to be a lot more outgoing with people. It's easy with strangers because they don't know I've ever been shy, so I don't think people who have met me for the first time in the last 6 months would know I'd ever been shy (just not nervous around them), but I'm struggling with people I've known for years because I'm scared it'll freak them out if I just stop being shy all of a sudden out of nowhere. I get so worried about it, I start feeling nervous and just come off as shy again. It's very frustrating. I feel like I'm two people at the moment, and the one I like better is the one I am around strangers rather than the people I know.

I think this might be my most ironic and insane fear yet....shy of not being shy...but seriously, what would be your thoughts if a friend suddenly appeared to grow in confidence overnight?

[Oosh]

It's hard to be something different with people who are used to seeing you in another way. It can be easier for you to change than it is for them to accept you as a new you. I've been through it.

People are different though. Some may feel like they want to keep a person down. It may make them feel uncomfortable. Whereas some who have your interests at heart could welcome the change if you seem happier, more outgoing.

Me, I think at first I'd notice the change but then I'd be noticing if you felt comfortable, secure in yourself as this new you. Where you trying too hard. Where you trying to be someone you weren't. But if you seemed happy, I'd 100% welcome it.

Embrace the ones who welcome it and dump the ones who resist it.
If that's who you want to be now surround yourself with the ones you feel more comfortable with.

It's the new you, like it or lump it !

[HalfJack]

I'd be happy for you. Especially if it's something you consider self improvement, that's really hard to achieve.

I don't think it's weird, it's just a variation, people change all the time. You don't need to fit into the "shy girl" box forever because that's what other people expect you to be. Be who you want to be :) x

[Ryan92]

I'd be very happy for you :)

I'm normally very shy with one of my friends. We've known each other since when we met at secondary school and I have always been very quiet and shy with him.

I am still the same now, I'm too worried to be very talkative with him because he might feel creeped out lol :doh: Over the years he's realised I'm a shy and quiet person so it makes it even more hard for me to try and be talkative/outgoing with him.

I've always shyed away when we are with some of his other friends, Im scared to talk. I worry that if I do talk, it'll creep my friend out or I may make a twonk of myself in front of everyone lol. If I dont talk I worry that his other friends might think I'm weird, aarrrgghh I just cant win :shrug: :doh:

[harasgenster]

Thanks guys. It's relieving to see that you all kind of know what I mean about being different about people you have known for years. I actually feel less myself around them because I still act shy. Not being shy around people, as I am with strangers, feels more natural to me now - like I feel like I'm being myself. It sounds awful but it means that I'm kind of losing interest in the people I knew before. Not because I don't like them - I do - just because I find it more difficult to be myself around them because there's that weird thing about me changing. I always kind of feel like I'm having to 'prove' that I've changed around them - and then there's that pressure - whereas around strangers they know no different so there's nothing to prove and everything is simpler.

But I reckon I'm just going to keep trying to be myself. I don't think there's anyone that won't like it. There's just part of me that worries around men. Like, if I start suddenly appearing differently they'll think I'm interested when I'm not...I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel like sometimes people get that opinion.

Anyway, cheers. I'm going out tomorrow night with a mix of people I've met before and after shyness, so let's see how that goes...

[HalfJack]

Have fun :) x

[Worried 24/7]

Something similar happened to a friend of mine but what happened with her was she went from being super shy to this cocky b***h all of a sudden and it was really weird... what if you tried to make it a more gradual change so it didn't seem so shocking to people? But I don't think people should have any reason to be upset if you suddenly become more outgoing. It definitely might be a shock though

[harasgenster]

Hey guys, thanks for replies. I went out last night and I felt really terrified for the first hour, then I really started to relax and I wasn't shy with anyone. I even went out with a bunch of strangers (way too drunk by then so it wasn't that good). I feel kind of anxious today, but not that much frankly. I think it all went fine and the more I do this kind of thing the more I stop caring about what people think of me.

For those who are socially anxious, the change in me has been much quicker than I thought it would be just from doing things that terrify me - it's scary to do it but just throwing yourself into things, dealing with the anxiety, then doing it again even if it was terrifying the first time, is an amazing way to get over this. You build up all these new experiences and you slowly just stop caring quite so much :)

[Oosh]

Brilliant ! I'm glad it's going well for ya :]

[HalfJack]

Glad to hear it went well, I should push myself more!