help coping with anxious hubby

[anniebull]

I don't know if this is in the right place but here goes. hubby is the best when he is ok but this happens few and far between. I,ve been with him for 30 years and the last 15 have been hell. not sure how much more I can take. finally his therapist said he is anxious not depressed and has come off his medication sertraline and has stated he can see clearly, is focussed and there is nothing wrong with him. He is not ok. He has no self esteem and I am still walking on eggshells as everything I say is considered as having a go at him. He is more distant now than ever. He said 2 weeks ago that if things don't change we should separate and we should have done something months ago but we didn't have the balls, and its my fault he his so miserable and he deserves more from life than this. I am devastated as all these years I have tried everything to cope, and have taken constant verbal abuse that fellow partners will identify with. For him to say that is like a slap. He is always saying how much he needs me and adores me but I feel the rug has been pulled out from me. He is now not talking about how he feels (after saying how manipulated and sick he is of fitting in with others, meaning me, which is definitely not true). I tried to talk today but was met with don't push me in a corner and don't put me under pressure. He then announced we should have a night away to get back on track. I have always done, booked and sorted everything as he cant manage things and never could and I don't mind doing it all so I told him he should sort it. I think he will probably take that as I don't really want to go but that is all I want, for him not to have the distorted way he thinks when I say basic statements and conversations. Please can someone tell me if this is normal after coming off this medication? I don't know if he just doesn't want to be with me or he is trying to fight his demons himself. I hope someone can help.

[StrayWookie]

No self esteem and low self worth are common for anxiety sufferers. Sounds like he is deflecting a load onto you while trying to figure out what he feels inside. I am in no position to say anything more than maybe see the therapist together as a couple maybe?

[HoneyLove]

It sounds like you two could really use sitting down and talking things out with a couples therapist. They would be able to guide you through the problems you're facing and help you negotiate a way through them. It sounds tough, wishing you the best xx

[Oosh]

I agree with Honeylove. You need a neutral person sitting in the middle pointing out stuff to both parties.

Sometimes you just can't win, everything you say is twisted. It takes a neutral person to point out when someone is being unfairly treated etc

[anniebull]

thanks for the responses. I think I may sound as if I don't understand the way he is and am being unreasonable but I know why he reacts and thinks the way he does which makes it much harder harder to bear. I have been to 1 session with him and his therapist and she did suggest to have extra sessions together soon but I need to be do that when there has been no upsets and I am calm because I would just sit there and cry like a baby otherwise. being on the receiving end so long has worn me down so much half the time I don't feel as if I function normally myself.