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Why are some people terrifed of death and what comes after death and then other people arent too scared about it at all??
It happens to everyone and theres no way it cant happen to anyone...
As you get older do we come to terms with the fact that its going to happen and be more like ok about death?
Im 23 and im terrifed of death, what happens after, if there is an after life or whether its just an eternity of nothing? ? How can we go through life just for it to end and there never be anything again, I dont understand or ever think ill come to terms with the fact that ill never see anyone again and eventually it will be like I was never here at all...
But there must be something right?? Otherwise how are there things such as ghosts and people who can speak to the dead etc etc...
Its a horrible thought!!!
I am terrified of death but I never think about what happens after, I am more terrified of whats going to happen in the years leading up to it, what it will feel like, will I be alone, I worry obsessively over people I love dying too.
I've posted this before.
When I had my first heart attack I was in the ER. I was in some distress. All I remember was a funny feeling welling up from my stomach/chest area. Kinda like a warm wave. My thoughts were "Oh Sh&^... this can't be good"... My heart went into AFIB and I was out...gone. They hit me with the paddles to get my heart into a normal rhythm.
I had no other recollection. Next thing I remember was waking up. Basically it was like passing out. No pain...nothing, just out.
I have no fear of death. All I know is that I want it to be like that... just bam! Don't want to know what hit me.
Positive thoughts
I had a family friend (78 years old) who died not long ago, and he'd said he was ready many times. He'd done everything he wanted to and he'd had a really good life.
"Death is but the next great adventure" - Peter Pan.
StrayWookie
16-05-14, 13:28
Death does not scare me. Dying does though. My panic and anxiety has been going so long and so bad that when I panic it always makes me feel like I am dying. Even though I KNOW logically I am ok. I know there is a difference between a PA and a Heart attack. I know I have been tested and have completely clear arteries and my heart is strong as the proverbial Ox. My lungs have even got the capacity of an olympic swimmer. My BP is always perfect. I am overweight and smoke, but I know point of fact that they are not enough to cause me serious enough issues to make me drop dead even like the other day when my pulse was 197bpm. Logically I KNOW this. But my panic does not let me think logically ever. So when I have an attack it is my emotional mind that is in control and I am certain that this is the end. I know I will not get out of life alive. I have so many things left to do and things I want to see etc. So yeah, actually being dead is not a concern, just the dying part and that it is far too damn soon. I want another 60 years to accomplish my goals!
Similar to others, death itself doesn't scare me (all that much), since everyone and everything dies at some point. But to die of a horrible long-term illness, in suffering and in pain, with no dignity (bedridden, wearing diapers, can't eat by yourself etc.), that scares the crap out of me. Also, feeling regret on the death bed, knowing you didn't take enough chances in life, that you didn't do enough different stuff in your life span.
Now that's scary.
I am a Minister to Youth in the U.S., I am a Christian, but not religious. Religion does not save us, but I do believe that Jesus does.
I certainly believe there is life after death. I believe that because I believe in the resurrection of Christ. The Bible says in Romans 6:8, "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him." If I didn't have this hope, this hope in Christ in life, I would be a lot worse off than I am.
I volunteered in Hospice for years. I was around many people when they approached death. Many see loved ones and many describe them as there waiting for them.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 15:54-57
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (NLT)
I pray that you find the solace that you seek and I pray that it is through Christ. We all will face death at some point, and again I really believe that we are resurrected with Christ. He brought Lazarus back from the dead and was resurrected himself. I can't tell you what heaven is like or who is there, but I believe with all my heart that God who loves us, who sent His own son to die for us, will resurrect us and what we experience in Heaven is beyond all goodness that we could ever imagine in this life.
Serenity1990
16-05-14, 14:41
Personally I find it quite an easy concept: it'll be just like the millions of years before I was born.
good lord, i don't think i can possibly think about this, it sends my anxiety into overdrive mode!
This is a rather deep thread though, I found some comfort in what fishmanpa said. I personally believe that our souls are seperate form our bodies and they transition into another person/life. I think this is why people claim to remember past lives. I wouldn't think about it too much though as it will fill your body full of dread
"Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.
Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go when the whole thing's done.
But no one knows for certain and so it's all the same to me.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.
Some say once you're gone you're gone forever, and some say you're gonna come back.
Some say you rest in the arms of the Saviour if in sinful ways you lack.
Some say that they're comin' back in a garden, bunch of carrots and little sweet peas.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.
Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.
Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go when the whole thing's done.
But no one knows for certain and so it's all the same to me.
I think I'll just let the mystery be."
Iris DeMent, Let The Mystery Be, one of my favourite Iris songs....one thing in life we have to accept is that...we don't really know what happens :)
Each time I start obsessing about it all, I play this song.....
Having felt the way I do for so long I think when the day comes at least I will be free of those feelings and thoughts. No more panic, no more anxiety, no more tinnitus, no more wondering when that day will come. I will be at peace with myself.
I could of written your post myself word for word! Death absolutley terrifies me !
Personally I find it quite an easy concept: it'll be just like the millions of years before I was born.
I like that. I'm actually kinda hoping I can do time travel as I'd love to hang out with King David, Bach or Jimi Hendrix ;)
Positive thoughts
Worried 24/7
17-05-14, 04:15
I worry about this often and can't allow my mind to linger on the topic for long or ny heart starts racing. I don't want the end to be the ultimate end...
Gosh everyone has such a different veiw of it...
I just dont understand how it can be nothing after death, how's that fair?? So many people aren't scared of death and I wish I was onw of them cause theres no way I can escape it, it has to come sooner or later (hopfully later)
Im scared of growing old with my partner and being old, hows it fair goimg through your life with someone and eventually loosing eachother?
Its just scary the thought of not living, maybe its the unknown that scares me so much..
StrayWookie
17-05-14, 07:37
well I dont know about that part. My agoraphobia has isolated me so much that I barely have any friends, let alone romantic interests. I have resolved to the fact that I will most probably be alone for the rest of my life.
Serenity1990
17-05-14, 09:12
Gosh everyone has such a different veiw of it...
I just dont understand how it can be nothing after death, how's that fair?? So many people aren't scared of death and I wish I was onw of them cause theres no way I can escape it, it has to come sooner or later (hopfully later)
Im scared of growing old with my partner and being old, hows it fair goimg through your life with someone and eventually loosing eachother?
Its just scary the thought of not living, maybe its the unknown that scares me so much..
Everyone has a different view and understanding of it, it's one of the few things we can never be certain of. What we can be certain of, however, is that it will happen one day. Everyone on the earth has struggled and worried for a time to come to terms with this fact, or will, it's just a process we have to go through.
All I can say is I've been at the deathbeds of four grandparents, who had beliefs ranging from avid atheist to devout catholic, and everywhere in between. What I can say for all four is that emotionally speaking after all their years and all their experiences, they felt ready. At my age I can't imagine this now, but it brings me some comfort to know that hopefully when my day comes I'll be ready for it.
unsure_about_this
17-05-14, 12:44
I used to work in a funeral directors/home/parlour etc doing a placement whilst doing my NVQ in IT (no idea why the training provider sent me to do my placement there and where a few other people hoped that their would not get sent to worked there.
My views have not changed, one of the service minster who conducer a few other the funerals told us what he believe happens, which was very interested.
I did on my CBT I was frighten of death and he asked me have I had any dreams and what did I see, I told him
When my Great Nan died even though I did not go up to the hospital to say my goodbyes as she had a operation but we got told she would not survival, but during the afternoon at the time on the day she died, I felt hot and cold that she was with me to tell me she had died.
This is a question that has always been hard for me ... when my mom died of cancer, it got worse. It literally boggled my mind thinking about how she could be here one minute and gone the next even if her body was here. For the first year or two after she died I would just sit crying because it was like *poof* she was gone, but I didn't know where "she" went. I don't have any beliefs in afterlife and have tried to but it just doesn't mesh with me, so that made it harder too.
I hope that's not confusing. I agree with Fishmanpa, I just don't want to be aware of dying when it happens. I think now I am more afraid of losing somebody again and being the one left here without them. I also worry about if I die, what would happen to my husband but after that I'd be gone so I guess it wouldn't matter to me anyway ... then I just get profoundly sad knowing we are going to lose everybody at some point ...
Sorry if that was depressing, it runs through my mind all the time. When I told a therapist, she freaked out (the one I posted about a month back under therapy) and told me she couldn't help me so I am just trying to accept those thoughts and not beat myself up over them.
well I dont know about that part. My agoraphobia has isolated me so much that I barely have any friends, let alone romantic interests. I have resolved to the fact that I will most probably be alone for the rest of my life.
Theres plenty of time for you to find someone, when my anxiety was at its worse I couldn't leave the house either but it does get easier eventually, try little bits at a time, go for a short walk and if it feels too much you can always go back home and start again the next day, each day go further and further. ... when you feel like you want to go bacj home try and fight the urge cause the more you give in the harder it will be.... good luck
---------- Post added at 08:55 ---------- Previous post was at 08:51 ----------
Everyone has a different view and understanding of it, it's one of the few things we can never be certain of. What we can be certain of, however, is that it will happen one day. Everyone on the earth has struggled and worried for a time to come to terms with this fact, or will, it's just a process we have to go through.
All I can say is I've been at the deathbeds of four grandparents, who had beliefs ranging from avid atheist to devout catholic, and everywhere in between. What I can say for all four is that emotionally speaking after all their years and all their experiences, they felt ready. At my age I can't imagine this now, but it brings me some comfort to know that hopefully when my day comes I'll be ready for it.
When my nana was taken ill and was in the hospital, we were told she wouldnt make the night, I went to see hee and to say my goodbyes and it was the most heartbreaking thing ive ever had to do, she looked terrified and I could tell that she wasnt ready to leave and she was 85.. maybe it was because she didnt know what was happening, and it just happened all of a sudden cause her kidneys started to fail that day, I tried not to show how I felt incase she didnt know it was the end as I didnt want to scare her even more... I hope that she wasnt scared... that was 6 years ago and still get upset witg how scared she looked...
---------- Post added at 08:57 ---------- Previous post was at 08:55 ----------
Thank you everyone else foe replying too
UnknownUser
18-05-14, 11:26
I just made a thread about this in the phobias section. I am 25, and suffering from death fears to the point where I think I am going insane.
Instead of typing out my fears again, I will share the only thing that offers me any comfort. My boyfriend is what I'd call a very logical agnostic who has talked me down from sobbing breakdowns several times.
He says that the only thing we really know for sure is what happens to our bodies. Death is like a locked room, and everyone is just making theories about what is inside. Some people think the room is empty, some are even adamantly screaming that there is definitely nothing, and why they think so, but really their theory is no more proven than anyone else's. The popular opinion over what is in the room changes, but it still isn't proven. Just because someone shouts the loudest, it doesn't mean their opinion is the right one. It is not fact so it shouldn't be feared as if it is fact. And until then, Science is improving every day, we can probably live longer than ever with the way medicine is advancing. We can reclaim days back that we thought had been wasted over anxiety.
We live in a universe where there is so much we cannot explain and cannot understand. Who is to say we live in the time that has figured out what happens after death? The popular theory changes, maybe in 200 years the current one will seem outdated?
Then I'll add my own views. There are stories from over the world that suggest we remain somehow after death. Stories that cannot be proven as fake, people have their theories, that is all. There are some incredible stories, people who are adamantly sure they have contacted the dead in various ways. People who are not crazy. In any way, energy cannot be created nor can it be destroyed, perhaps something so complex as our concious energy remains? Just like all the other things most of us can't see, but we know exist.
Sometimes I read things by people who are so sure there's nothingness after death and it scares me, but it's all just speculation. I am looking for a way to get over this death fear once and for all, and I am still struggling a lot, but this thought process is what helps me the most. It gives me hope.
After only being married 13 months, I was widowed last year at 34 when my husband was killed in a road accident. Not his fault, his driver fell asleep. By pure chance I mentioned to a friend of mine that I kept smelling cigarette smoke in our bathroom (which was his "smoking toilet"). He told his cousin who in turn started a conversation with me on Facebook. She said he was with her and wanted me to know he wasn't in any pain when it happened it was just "bang. Lights out" this was a phrase he often used. She also said he wanted me to be happy, feel him around me and not to feel guilty "sh1t happens" , again another one of his phrases. She was able to tell me about the problems his dad was having in hospital, about details of the accident, how he loved to make lists and agendas, various things that she couldn't have known.
I was very sceptical at the start thinking it was nonsense. Now I'm not so sure. Things happen randomly and I wonder if it's him. Maybe there is something after all.
After only being married 13 months, I was widowed last year at 34 when my husband was killed in a road accident. Not his fault, his driver fell asleep. By pure chance I mentioned to a friend of mine that I kept smelling cigarette smoke in our bathroom (which was his "smoking toilet"). He told his cousin who in turn started a conversation with me on Facebook. She said he was with her and wanted me to know he wasn't in any pain when it happened it was just "bang. Lights out" this was a phrase he often used. She also said he wanted me to be happy, feel him around me and not to feel guilty "sh1t happens" , again another one of his phrases. She was able to tell me about the problems his dad was having in hospital, about details of the accident, how he loved to make lists and agendas, various things that she couldn't have known.
I was very sceptical at the start thinking it was nonsense. Now I'm not so sure. Things happen randomly and I wonder if it's him. Maybe there is something after all.
Im so sorry to hear about your partner, I cant imagine what youve been through. But by the sounds of it he really is with you or letting you know thats hes around. Your post has made me feel alot more sceptical about it all so thank you for sharing your story.
I know there's something else. It's like a feeling in my stomach that I know.
My sister died age 21 in a car accident, I was 17. For my whole life I have been terrified of death, she told me once during my first ever panic attack. Half hearted lay of course, if I die before you, I'll come back and show you there's something else.
A couple of months after she died I saw a big black, cloudy shadows out the corner of my eye, when I looked directly at it, it was gone.
I didn't think too much about it until I went to pick up my aunt from a medium. When I walked in she came over to me and said a whole heap of stuff, I was amazed, I sat crying, I had never met this lady in all my life. She said, your cousin, she's been to see you. She wats you to know she is ok, she's showed herself to you, so you wouldn't be scared, there's nothing to be scared for. She will stay with you and guide you, and she will wait for you.
My great gran recently died, she dropped dead from an aneurism. No pain, at all.
I saw smoke the very next day coming through my stair gate. I googled. It said smoke is a common indicator of life. I dreamt of her that night, she told me she was fine and to tell everyone, I splurged it out the next day while everyone was crying, iv never been so sure of anything in all my life. She is fine. And I know.
My grandma died in Jan, from horrific cancer. She died and I didn't see anything, I was so so sad. I kept saying why p, why hasn't she sent me a sign, my OH thought I was insane.
When we buried her, in the dead of winter a BEAUTIFUL butterfly appeared just as the priest was talking about her, it fluttered and landed next to me. And then flew around the beams of the church,
When she was dying, she kept saying, 'Look at all those beautiful butterflies'
I'm not scared of death, I'm scared of dying and being dead.
I know there's something...
Oh wow... thats amazing, maybe there is something after life after all.. thanks for sharing that with me, made me feel less worried by it all
What worries me constantly, is the process of dying or the way in which you die. Have Huge Anxieties over this. I have been surrounded with very ill people for the last 4 years and watched my Mum live through Cancer at the age of 8. Watched my Father decline with Parkinson's Disease. Also when you Care for your Parents due to ill health and you see things going on in Care Homes and Hospitals which r not too pleasing, it becomes very scary. I think the worry may be that you may be alone with no-one to care for you? It scares the Hell out of me. Its the what if scenario. Old Age is also another scary thing, but realistically I know a 93 old who goes out every night and Holiday's in Goa every year, and then I know a 60 year who is frightened to go out. There's no reason to any of it?
We don't have a crystal ball and can't look into the future, but as my Therapist said to me, 'You are alive now, so LIVE!' I never felt things feelings when I was younger, but maybe growing up you become more responsible and worry more. I am trying to pack my life with as much stuff as I can, so when you wake in the morning you don't have time to think.
The only thing that I truly know, is that I don't know. A scary thought is how much I don't know that I don't even know I know, ya know?
I think of it like a sci-fi writer. Maybe we'll become so advanced death won't matter. Maybe we'll even be able to bring back those that have died. Maybe we're in a simulation and we're backed up somewhere.
Maybe we're not even really alive, and the feeling of being alive is just an illusion. Buddhists believe you're always dieing from one moment to the next, and in a way you are. You're not the same person you were 10 years ago.
I'm just not a fan of it ending. I'd totally live day to day for a heck of a lot longer than I've probably got.
im afraid of who I,ll leave behind.
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