I screwed everything up....as usual

[Worried 24/7]

I accidentally missed the appointment with ny new doctor yesterday bc I've been so stressed that somehow I convinced myself it was next week. I spent all night hating myself. Then I call this morning and they said if you miss your first appointment they won't ever reschedule you. Then I bawled my eyes out begging her to try and get me in because I've waited amonth and I've been in so much pain and I'd have to wait another month for anyone else. The lady said she'd talk to the manager and see if they could make an exception but it would be up to the doctor because she's the one whose time I wasted and that basically I should just start looking for another doctor. I spent all morning crying so now I have a headache. I'm sure I have cancer and by the time anyone finds it I'm going to die. I can't take it anymore and I just want to give up. I hate myself and I hate that I always screw everything up.

[nomorepanic]

That sounds harsh that if you miss an appointment they never see you again.

I really wouldn't beat yourself up over it though - it isn't worse the stress.

[Worried 24/7]

They basically said it sets a bad precedent and shows what kind of person you are

---------- Post added at 20:03 ---------- Previous post was at 19:20 ----------

I just hate myself now and I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like my whole life I've done stupid crap like this :(

[Worried 24/7]

So I called around and everyone taking my insurance is booked at least a month away. And if I go to ER or urgent they just tell me I need to get a regular doctor and rush me through. I'm sure I'm gonna progress to cancer metastasis before I can get a doctor to pay attention to me :'(

[Yossino]

I don't really know your post history so enlighten me. What makes you think you have cancer?

[Worried 24/7]

Because of my neck lymph nodes being palpable, neck pains, systemic pains, super tired, feeling of something in throat/back of tongue. Oh yeah, and being a hypochondriac. Lol