Body lets me down & work problems

[Eamon]

Hi all,
I have a few problems at the moment. The social anxiety problems. I avoid socialising now nearly all the time unless i really have to and then i get drunk to cope. At work i avoid sitting in cafe's with others. I do sit outside at this place with the lads on a Friday but have been avoiding that lately too.
I just seem to and do get really flushed and feel bloody awful and cant stop it and it lasts for ages even through the night it seems. I just want to run and get home. I drive a vehicle for work and without that i don't think i would be working, as i panic on public transport and feel isolated from home. Fear leads to fear. I like this job beacause i can avoid lots of interactions as i work alone or with an apprentice but i think avoiding things has made me find other things to be frightened of. I now worry about people thinking i am staring in their eyes and am weird. I now have to consciuosly look away when i think it appropriate, but i'm sure i come across as odd to people, some at least. Bloomin awful these problems i seem to have aquired these as never had them before. But always worried about since about 15 and sweating and stuff, shaking etc. Blimey O'reilly Hey! All pointless and energy-sapping and i tell myself to stop but my body lets me down!!!!
I live alone and am getiing so bloomin lonely its terrible. Weekends in doors and have this week off which i want but i get depressed mooping around on my own.
I have a serious problem at work too. A guy has been verbally abusing me for sometime now. I have gone to managment informally and it kind of stopped for a while but returned. Last week he wiped his hands on my neck and then said he had been to the toilet and not washed his hands. In front of other guys it was seriously humiliating. I went to managment again and took the option of them speaking to him again informally as opposed to taking out an official greivance against him.
I was so upset i rang a counsellor i had seen in the past that evening and I was crying and feeling so bad. She was good and i felt better but what happened just revolves around in my head. Saw him on Thursday and he had obviously been spoken to because he was acting all friendly to me. But then he coughed and called me '****' as he was doing it. So it seems like just as last time he hasn't changed. Feel others are looking at me at work as it is probably all round the place that i went to managment. He has been there 39 years and has friends. Its all macho and lads there and now i feel i will be viewed as a grass or something similar. Am off this week and am dreading going back and feel like leaving. My thought s are just revolving around this problem now.

I am trying to be optimistic- if i have to i will just have to leave or it will probably just blow over.....

Any thoughts would be gratefully appreciated.

Best wishes all,

[littlemrs]

Urgh, the moron at your workplace should know better especially if he's been there 39 years! If you like your job and it's something you can cope with then it's important you stick to your guns and make a formal complaint to management. If you are considering leaving your job because of the bullying, then you definitely have nothing to lose by taking your complaint further. I know how extremely difficult it can be to find suitable work as a social anxiety sufferer - I cannot work because mine is so bad.

As for the other issues, I can totally relate. I avoid contact with people other than my immediate family. Avoidance doesn't help, and I'm trying to push myself to go out more but it's a slow work in progress. I also struggle to make eye contact with people - if I don't look them in the eye it might come off as rude, but if I do will they think I'm being creepy, or something?! Then I just get embarrassed and go red :blush:

Anyway, you are not weird and please don't let this idiot at work push you out of your job.

I wish you luck with everything :hugs:

[Eamon]

Thank you Little mrs for your kind words,

The job is not my dream job but as you say its hard getting work you can do when you have social anxiety problems. I think i am going to have to tough it out somehow. I feel now i am being looked at by others now as the gossip gets round and really i don't want to be noticed at all. Managers have startedlooking at me all sympathetically, which is nice in one way but i feel un-manly now in a real lads environment. Still i must see the good side its better that people do care. My hope is he will be moved to a section where i wont have to deal with him everyday. Has anybody on here got a genie in a bottle i could borrow? i need some wishes to come true right now!!!
Its so nice to know i am not alone with these probems
Best wishes

[Annie0904]

Eamon your colleague is way out of order and bullying of any kind should not be tolerated with. I would keep a record of all the incidents and if it continues you need to take it further.
This work book may be of some help to you http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=40

[Oosh]

Hiya Eamon

I feel for you mate. That job is not worth having. No job that leaves you feeling worthless and crying is worth having.

I'd take ANY work that meant I could wake up in the morning and not see that ahead of me. Security, driving, all solitary jobs. There's lots if you look.
Less money maybe but no grief from that idiot.

It's hard to win against that. It's a big reason I dislike the workplace.
It's almost impossible if you're alone. No matter how confident you are if you have no alliances and are up against someone with friends and connections.

Do you not have any single alliance at work you can hang with, who'll say to him "hey, knock it off idiot". It makes a huge difference. These bully's pick on the one with no alliances.

I was vulnerable in my first year at college, isolating myself. I could see some circling.

I made one or two important alliances in the second year and it all went away.

If you don't have anyone to back you up I'd ignore him and give him enough rope to hang himself with.

Wait until he crosses the line then get him into trouble.

But I would find that a hard environment to win in. I'd get out. You don't need to put up with that.

Let us know how you get on.

[Eamon]

Hi Oosh,
Thanks for the advice. Yes no job is worth constant abuse. I will see how it goes. Its not a great job but its secure and I can cope with it in a social anxiety sense.
I do have friends there but I think I come across as alone as don't get too close to others and I'm not one of the lads. He always used to say 'No one likes you' to me. His manager doesn't talk to me as I didn't bring him a Mars bar for a small favour he did me- unbelievable!
I usually come across him early in the day usually on my own. Others don't really stick up to him and just put up with abuse although not to the same degree as mine as far as I know.
I have this week off and it is constantly going through my mind. Revenge fantasies and worries about things getting worse.
The thought of taking out a formal grievance worries me as that means meetings with union and management and with him all of which I worry about.
His mate, said to me I rub people up the wrong way. I do seem to fall out with some people and maybe there is something to that. I think I come across as unfriendly and aloof and dismissive of others when I am just trying to get through and out of these situations as quick as possible. Saying that there are people there I really like and get on with. In any work place some people are not going to get on. I just seem to have met a really nasty one.
Thanks for the help
Best wishes