New here :) Childhood anxiety question/discussion

[Lyn89]

Hello, I'm new here! these forums seem so excellent and helpful, so I decided to finally join.

I've had anxiety since childhood, but I've always been able to manage it till last year, when GAD came to finally bite me fully on the butt! I went to see a CBT therapist and I feel a lot better, though it's been a rocky road. Now that I'm feeling better, I've started reflecting on a lot of things and seeing patterns of anxiety I never really gave much thought to before. One of the most annoying symptoms I had/still have with my GAD is hypervigilance. When I'm anxious, my eyes just focus in on everything, looking for threats or something wrong with me or signs that I'm 'going crazy'. My therapist always told me this was hypervigilance, but I'm wondering if this isn't more like derealization? I don't ever feel like a robot or cut off from the world, but I do get periods where my vision will suddenly sharpen and things look different or threatening, like I'm in total hyperarousal or need to get out of where I am. I also really overthink things like bodily sensations or get really existential thoughts, but they never make me feel 'not myself' or out of it in any way-- I just feel scared. What do you guys think?

[somerandom]

Sounds more like hypervigilance - I often find myself looking for a problem or a threat when I'm out.

I do a little better now in crowded situations. People are unpredictable (which I dont like) but I've came to accept that I cannot change it and try and steer as far away from people as I can when I'm in public. Which when I come to think of it, isn't really that often.

[Lyn89]

Thank you for reading and replying, I knew I could count on this place to chat :)

It is highly annoying isn't it? I'm glad it doesn't sound like derealisation though, I have nothing but the hugest sympathy for people who have to deal with that and applaud their strength

[Rennie1989]

Derealisation is when the world around us does not feel real, hypervigilence is just being more aware of our surroundings than usual. Anxiety is a fight or flight response gone wrong. At times when our body feels like it is in danger it will be more aware of sounds, people and generally things around us.

[Lyn89]

Hi Rennie, thanks for the reply.

I definitely am hyper aware of everything-- not just my surroundings either. It's anything from my body to my state of mind, etc. And of course overthinking anything will make it seem abnormal or worsen the anxiety, so it can be a spiral sometimes. I've definitely never felt like anything was unreal though. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Thanks for the good info :)

[Oosh]

Hyper-vigilance.

It's the theme in most peoples posts on here if you look. Looking out for what danger "it" means. Avoiding for fearing "this" and so on. Whether it's internally or externally.

I've heard it simplistically be explained by someone somewhere as the result of an over protective parent who was always saying "oh be careful won't you".
I don't know how much truth there is in that.

People can have more sensitive nervous systems and are prone to anxiety, more easily, bothered, hurt, affected by things, sensitive to things. Someone like that might end up looking in their environment all the time for the danger. I do.

I saw a Horizon(bbc) on anxiety.
"Why do I worry" the guy was asking.

He was focusing on what could go wrong, what there was to worry about, even if things were fine.

At the end of the programme they had sufferers watching a pc screen full of angry faces. But one face on the page was smiling and friendly.
You had to find the smiling face before you could turn the page.
They had to do it for about an hour a day. People said it helped.

Lots of us here, for whatever reason have a tendency to focus on the danger, pain. A bad habit ? A habit they reckoned could be reversed.

Look for a friendly face not a critical, unapproving, unfriendly one.
See the positive instead of the negative.
See the humour if you can.
If you look for it you'll find it.
You'll get more of what you focus on.

Once you have a tendency for that negative outlook you can spot when you're doing it and actively try and see it differently. Make the world a place full of friends and fun instead of a place of potential pain and danger.

Visualise the environments you go in. See it full of friends. See the friend in everyone etc

You've spotted your hyper-vigilance now. Is it really necessary ?
It's not. The world isn't full of threat. Unbalanced opinion to believe it is isn't it.

I know it's hard. I've been like that just about all my life.

[Lyn89]

Thank you Oosh, that really helped :) You're definitely spot on about a lot of things. I guess the most frustrating thing is being hypervigilant about your anxiety. Because often I'll sit there looking for signs that I'm getting worse, or relapsing. And then because I'm looking for it, of course I will feel more anxious and like I am worse. I have such a fear of losing control, which is why I fear things like derealization, I suppose. I don't think it's very likely I'll develop that if I've never experienced symptoms before and I'm feeling better now, but it's still always in the back of my mind.

[Lyn89]

Adding to the thread again because I was curious about something else. Anxiety and sleep-- does anyone else have problems with the transition between sleeping and waking? Often I wake in the middle of the night very confused and still half dreaming, but this state makes me anxious. It takes me a few minutes to remember who or where I am. It seems to have gotten worse since my major anxiety started. Anyone else have this or other sleep problems?

[OCD-Greyback]

Factually stating Miss, I factually do not cease factual worry when it concerns intrusive thoughts and such.

I simply retain stated facts until I factually am conscious once more from passing out. I do not factually sleep, I simply pass out then regain being conscious, my factually singular fact of rest, aside from when I've conversed with my best friend, which assists myself to find peace and such.

Myself and factual sleep have not been a match for a lengthy expanse of time and such Miss.

However thanks to my best friend in one fact or another, I find factual peace for a brief moment of time and such. Without her I would factually possess no existence Miss and be lost.

For myself, I am conscious during the night and I pass out during the factual early afternoon until the facts of evening and such, before a factual certain time occurrence.

Best of factual wishes to yourself and such Miss.