Holisticheaven
18-05-14, 21:56
So it's all kinda new to me,
Since I was 8 my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 1998
(Never knowing this at the Age of 8 I knew something wasn't quite right).
She went into remission after her chemo etc... It came back after 4-5 years, as secondary/lung when I was in my teens, and that's when the fear kicked in, she passed in summer 2010 and I've buried my head in the sand ever since. I isolated myself, blamed myself, cry over the fact that she will never see me have kids, get married so she could be a grandparent. It's all she wanted.
This fear started ripping me apart and even affect my relationship, which broke down
February 2014 I became very close to a wonderful work colleague who support me through the break up, and me and my partner had also got back together.
But this time I was paranoid, felt worthless, insecure and started going crazy if we had an argument, my friend spotted the signs of anxiety having it herself. She asked me if anyone has ever told me about anxiety. And quick enough it finally clicked.
After all these years I never knew I had anxiety.
Now I'm aware of it I'm spiralling out of control with my thoughts, feelings, doubting myself, feeling it will never be good enough, and the fear my partner is going to turn around and tell me he no longer loves me, which I know is not the case. He is understanding, patient, and kind. But I feel like im pushing him away without me even realising,
I tried citalopram and I felt like nauseous all the time, I took myself off them after two weeks as I saw no improving to adjusting.
I'm too scared to try new tablets, my dad isn't a believer of medication. And the thought of counselling is a scary step, I don't like the idea of counsellers being able to easily suss you out. Knowing you more than you know yourself,
Can anyone give any techniques to stop the triggers?
Thank you for reading my post
X
Since I was 8 my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 1998
(Never knowing this at the Age of 8 I knew something wasn't quite right).
She went into remission after her chemo etc... It came back after 4-5 years, as secondary/lung when I was in my teens, and that's when the fear kicked in, she passed in summer 2010 and I've buried my head in the sand ever since. I isolated myself, blamed myself, cry over the fact that she will never see me have kids, get married so she could be a grandparent. It's all she wanted.
This fear started ripping me apart and even affect my relationship, which broke down
February 2014 I became very close to a wonderful work colleague who support me through the break up, and me and my partner had also got back together.
But this time I was paranoid, felt worthless, insecure and started going crazy if we had an argument, my friend spotted the signs of anxiety having it herself. She asked me if anyone has ever told me about anxiety. And quick enough it finally clicked.
After all these years I never knew I had anxiety.
Now I'm aware of it I'm spiralling out of control with my thoughts, feelings, doubting myself, feeling it will never be good enough, and the fear my partner is going to turn around and tell me he no longer loves me, which I know is not the case. He is understanding, patient, and kind. But I feel like im pushing him away without me even realising,
I tried citalopram and I felt like nauseous all the time, I took myself off them after two weeks as I saw no improving to adjusting.
I'm too scared to try new tablets, my dad isn't a believer of medication. And the thought of counselling is a scary step, I don't like the idea of counsellers being able to easily suss you out. Knowing you more than you know yourself,
Can anyone give any techniques to stop the triggers?
Thank you for reading my post
X