Started new job, was going great until the weekend when I had a wobble...

[xrachykinsx]

Hey,

Haven't been around much recently as was doing okay. I've just started my 2nd week at my job. I felt my anxiety starting to rise Friday evening as the weekend began. I didn't have work over the weekend, the anxiety for the first time since starting the job was there quite a bit today. I just got on with it despite feeling a bit iffy, but it was a harsh reminder that I'm still poorly and it's annoyed me a bit.

I partly feel like my medication is numbing me from being particularly happy or excited about anything which then makes me anxious that I'm not happy or enjoying life... I'm not quite sure. I suppose I'm a bit anxious naturally about going 'live' on the phones next week once my training has finished but other than that..life is okay but I still have this sense of anxiety hanging around. Is this just because I have felt considerably better and it's the dragon TRYING to rear it's head again? Bit disheartening because I feel like I'm not a very loving wife to my husband at the moment, like I'm just plodding along. Sorry for rambling!!

[Rennie1989]

I think it still being a new job will increase your anxiety for a while. It's all new and exciting at first and then it dawns 'OMFG IT'S A NEW JOB!!!!' I had that with my current job, the first couple of weeks were great, just training and getting to know staff and punters, then when left to my own devices the anxiety went through the roof.

Give yourself time to settle into a new routine, 2 weeks is still early days and mixed emotions will be normal. Just remember that you're doing great!

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Rennie. I've been put on a progesterone only mini pill too as the doctor thinks because my cycles are irregular, I'm over sensitive to natural mood fluctuations. I've only been on that for 2weeks, so it isn't really in my system properly yet either, so it's approaching my ovulation time right now, and that might be why my anxiety is going up again.

I had felt quite good generally, like really pleased to be back in work finally but today was the most anxious I've felt since starting. Just a harsh reminder I'm not completley cured yet :/ xx

[aprilmoon]

Hi hun!
I've been thinking about you,wondering how it was going.
Well done for keeping going,even when you felt a bit wobbly.
I'm finding that although I'm much better generally, there's that little bit of me that keeps looking back "just to check if the monsters really gone" type of thing, and it might be that that's what you're doing,and that's OK,that was a big monster that we had a battle with,and I think its probably a natural thing to do.
You're bound to have some natural anxiety with starting a new job,and everything's new,so allow for that hun.
:hugs: xx

[Rennie1989]

I've learnt to not think about being 'cured' because it is so far away that it is off putting. Take each day as it comes and makes small changes and take small steps because they are easier to achieve and feel more worthwhile. I am far from being cured but I have come many leaps and bounds nonetheless.

I'm on Microgynon (I think it's a POP) and it's been a miracle pill for me! I had irregular and very heavy periods and they have made them regular, lighter and have even reduced my cramps to slight or none. PMS is also far reduced. You'll start to feel the benefits after three months - I found - then you'll feel the positive effects.

[aprilmoon]

I am going to put your words somewhere that I can see them everyday Rennie!
"I am far from being cured,but I have come many leaps and bounds nonetheless"
Because that is where I am,and that is OK.
When I think of where I was,and where I am now,I should pat myself on the back.Everyday.And know that other people are in the same boat as me.
Thankyou.:)

[xrachykinsx]

I can't remember what my ones called, but it's a progesterone only one. If my cycles of bad and good don't straighten up in 3months, my doctor has agreed to run some tests to be certain there's no underlying cause.

I have a right mixture of feelings at the moment and sometimes it really feels like it could even be the mirtazapine that's not helping but there's no way to be sure, because I have no idea what would happen if I wasn't on it, but sometimes I feel like the blunting of feelings and excitement is setting my anxiety off, but equally, it may not be my medication, and it's just the anxiety doing that to me. Very tough :( xx

[Oosh]

Forget "cured".

Normal people arent cured from anxiety and bad days. Nobody is going to be free from anxious times. Moods fluctuate. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.

The start was always going to be anxious and confidence would be low.
Keep going in, let those coping skills/thoughts develop.

After so many anxious days that leave you deflated and unhappy a good day will come, or even just a level day. After 100 more days you'll see it was made up of a mix of anxious/level and boring/enjoyable/confident days. After another 100 you'll have even more evidence that it's normal to have a mix.
Try to increase the amount of confident enjoyable days you have.
Prepare well, be well rested, have good things going on n your life to look forward to and lift your spirits, amuse yourself, enjoy a work colleagues company.

I've been working solidly for over 11 years and I can be confident, chatty and humorous one day and want to leg it away from every person/interaction the next. Some days the planets align, some days they don't, for all sort of reasons.

Like you say, hormones is one. Don't put everything down to the episode in the past, your "anxiety" and being "cured".

It's going to take time for you to see the evidence for yourself that you'll feel good and confident at work as well as RUBBISH. Everyone feels rubbish.

Prepare well. You'll be confident and enjoying days in no time. Confidence is going to take time.

It'll be three years down the line when you can sit down and say "I did it :-) "

You've got to build your confidence and your character back again.
When you observe you're doing it and youve overcome these things and feel your confidence and character back, THEN you've done it.

If antidepressants are numbing you out then think about stopping. You've noticed it. I did too. That's prob the biggest reason I've not gone back on them.
I only noticed when I came off It'd been hard to really function with people because the highs and lows had gone.
Just give it thought that's all.

Focus on being competent and confident at the job first. Look for things to enjoy.
You're doing great.

I said "confidence" a lot there didn't i :/

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Oosh. I'm a bit concerned about stopping right now, but it is a thought in my mind, and actually I possibly have issues about accepting that I'm on them in the first place...if that makes sense.

I'm a bit petrified of stopping, and being really poorly or going really bad again. It's catch 22 at the moment. I think I'll wait until I'm well settled into my job, finished training, can work the computer system without much thought before I do anything radical.... I'd only be shooting myself in the foot if I stopped and then felt awful this early on into my job, but it's been a question in my mind for a very long time now.

I feel absolutely awful right now, the worst I've felt in a while. I feel like going to bed and having a cry :/ xx

[aprilmoon]

Big hug babe,:hugs::hugs:
You're doing so well,you really are.
This is quite a big deal for anyone,and you've got through the first week.
Oosh is so right in what he says,the weeks will start to join up,things will become more straightforward as you do them,day by day.
Personally,I would keep any plans to reduce meds on the back burner for a while,but you know yourself best.
You have many,many lovely things ahead of you.
Xxx

[Rennie1989]

I suppose by 'cure' I mean to no longer have irrational worry. Anxiety over a new job is very rational, it's a big change to ones life, and everybody experiences it.

Rach - give yourself some more time before contemplating whether the medication is working. Let yourself settle in your new job and on the pill and then see how the anxiety is. If the anxiety does not settle or becomes irrational then talk to your doctor. It's probably not a good idea to come off them yet because you'll want to settle in your new job without having withdrawals on top of it.

April - I'm really happy that you like my words of wisdom :D

Oosh - Awesome as ever.

[Oosh]

Thanks Oosh. I'm a bit concerned about stopping right now, but it is a thought in my mind, and actually I possibly have issues about accepting that I'm on them in the first place...if that makes sense.

I'm a bit petrified of stopping, and being really poorly or going really bad again. It's catch 22 at the moment. I think I'll wait until I'm well settled into my job, finished training, can work the computer system without much thought before I do anything radical.... I'd only be shooting myself in the foot if I stopped and then felt awful this early on into my job, but it's been a question in my mind for a very long time now.

I feel absolutely awful right now, the worst I've felt in a while. I feel like going to bed and having a cry :/ xx

Yeh that sounds like a good plan. Come off them later.

Go to bed and have a cry then ! I've got to be up at 6, I feel like crying too haha

It's gonna work out.

Put all the rubbish going through your head down here and everyone here will help you unravel it all.

One day at a time. Things WILL improve. You won't believe it until you feel it. Then you'll be sitting here telling it to somone who doesn't believe it like im telling it to you now.

All this rubbish you're going through, it's character building.

Go and make sure you get a good sleep. Things are much bleaker when you're tired.

(Thanks Rennie ! :D:blush::D )