The end of my road

[Rollorcoastermoods]

Not sure why I'm even posting this but I have coped struggled and exsisted long enough every emergency number I ring the only help they can give is a conversation I've had a million times before I can breathe fine my palms arnt sweaty I just have te worst feeling of fear at the back if my head I've ever had and really do want to end it now i can't cope another night of this and everyone's answer is take another diazipam get you through the night, no I'm sick of masking a serious problem just to do it all over agin tomorrow I know I would be better off not here I feel this way an want it this way yet I'm looked at like I'm in the rong if only the doctors realised what I'm goin through maybe they would at least try to help me today's my first day in a week I haven't had a Diaz because they are no longer my safety net the more I take them I fone begins for help and its one of two things cope or go to the local mental instatute to talk and be assessed with. Leads to the same thing every time back home more Diaz I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

[itshallpass]

Dear Rollorcoastermoods,

I'm new to this forum and suffer panic disorder. I'm very alarmed by your post and worried for you. If you feel that you might do harm to yourself, please call the emergency number in your area and have them take you to the hospital. I understand how helpless and frustrated you feel, but suicide isn't the answer. Please don't give up.

Sincerely,
itshallpass

[Rollorcoastermoods]

Hi itshallpass I have twice tonight I have told them exactly how I'm feeling and try to convince me it's in my better interests to get by tonight and seek help tomorrow but it doesn't help me here and now, I really don't want to put people through misery and I tell myself this everyday it's just got to a point were I'm near on manic to freaking out, I don't want to harm myself but i feel it's the only way out now I'm stupid I know I am for even putting people through this i never ask for help unless I really need it and its always the same answer I just feel like I don't want to exist if I can't live a life, and to think not so long ago I was happily running my own business and spending all my spare time with my kids to hiding away in a bedroom for weeks on end has ruined me, this helps talking as its passing by time but I feel that's all I do latley and my symptoms have been getting worse all day it's hell, anyway welcome to nmp I hope it helps you as it has me over the years

[HalfJack]

Have you made a complaint? Or gone to another area to find help? If you feel you're not getting the treatment you need and are entitled to there are things you can do about it.

[Rollorcoastermoods]

I am waiting to see a mental phyciatrist this Friday for an assessment so this is what they want me wait for only I'm blatantly telling them I can't cope so they ask if I have diazipam left ifso take one they will help but they only helped me for a few days an my body got used to them so theory dont work, I understand there's not much help at night and there's a system to follow and I patiently went through it all last jan until sept nov time but this just feels different i arnt panicking I arnt breathless I really feel like I'm loosing my mind the problem is at the back ofmy head but they pass me off as a panic attack, I still have all my cbt papers from last year but they don't help with physical symptoms when it causes me bad pain and bad heads I really am sorry for postin this but I feel there's no help for me this time round and sitting here biting my arm just to take my mind off what's happening stupid I know but physical pain takes away the mental pain if that makes sence, I know I probably sound a right wierdo just been as honest as I can as its not normal for me to be this way I've always been a fighter not a quiter but I can only cope with so much

---------- Post added at 03:02 ---------- Previous post was at 02:23 ----------

Right I feel a bit selfish for posting what I have as I know I'm not the only person here goin through this i just don't know we're else to turn, I have taken a 2 mg of diazipam about 5 mins ago and telling myself it will get me out of this state I am sorry to alarm anyone it's not usually me to be like this I'm normaly a happy helpful guy and wouldn't resort to this but felt I needed to get out of what was happening, I am going to go lye in bed and watch tv or somthing and try to relax myself, if anyone needs help please inbox me and ill do my best as it seems the only time I'm not like this is when I am helping others, thanks to those who replied it has helped in its own way thank you

[HalfJack]

We all need to vent one time or another. If you want to talk you can PM me. Try to keep in mind that there is always a solution, even if its hard to find x

[Rollorcoastermoods]

Thank you halfjack I really do appreciate that, my first panic attack was in 2006 and I've managed until this year as can't really helped I just think its finding new ways to get to me as I was coping with the panic attacks after a while, I feel a little better now and just watching tv to take my mind off it, thank you again for your advice :-)

[UKmamainUS]

It sounds like you are really having a bad time tonight (I guess it's almost morning back there in my beloved Britain). I have no real words of advice to give as it would be like the blind leading the blind but I just wanted to let you know that I, and other people on here, know what you area going through and ars thinking about you - sending out positive vibes to help you through.

Also, why you might not feel you have anything to live for now, know this is depression talking and that once you get through it you will realize you really do have stuff worth living for. You just need to get to that place to see it. I don't even know you and just from what you wrote I can see that you do, you just need to deal with the depression first.

Hugs to you.

[Rollorcoastermoods]

Thanks for the reply ukmaniaus I recently accepted I'm depressed I been through a lot latley from having to close my garage I worked so hard for over the years to my father been diagnosed with cancer then all the other little things around that the seem bigger than what they are but I can honestly say I have got good support around me to keep my spirits up ie kids family even my dad still is a massive help, the reason I feel the way I do is physical symptoms my head isn't right and the fear is what makes me feel that way it's only in the back of my head feels like swelling and fear and it gets in bearable, i am a lot calmer now and relaxed I'm definatly goin go see the local access center tomorrow explain how things are, thanks very much for your reply I'm nice to know there so much help around :-) and its currently 4.31 in the uk lol, again thanks

[yearsofpanic]

i hope you are feeling better. i have been going through a panic attack for the last few hours. they are completely draining.

they do pass though. and the fear does subside.

stick with it mate. your story sounds a lot like mine!

[UKmamainUS]

Been thinking about you today. I hope you are doing better than yesterday. xxx