Scared of bi polar.

[HotTea]

Ever since recognising my anxiety, I have not stopped googling mental health conditions and disorders. I am currently obsessed with Bi Polar disorder, (last week it was panic disorder, the week before that clinical depression) it's debilitating, thinking I have traits if Bi Polar, when in fact I don't. But everything I'm really happy I convince myself I'm going through a mania, then I get PMS and think omg I'm depressed. I must have Bi Polar.
I am so scared of getting a horrible mental health condition it's all consuming,

What I'm most scared of is getting this and wanting I kill myself. I, terrified of death. I'm scared my brain will get poorly and make me want to die.

Does that sound a bit drastic?:roflmao:

[3tikes]

No not drastic at all, but the advice i will give is to STOP Googling. It really isn't much help in the grand scheme of things and always appears to flag up 'worst case scenarios'.
That said i personally gave in to it late last night and then felt terrible after, it had filled my head with a load of what -ifs.
I suspect most people at some stage wonder about suicide, i did once and it frightened the life out of me, of course i wouldnt have acted on it as i have too much to live for, it was just a fleeting intrusive thought and that's all.
Have you anyone you can speak to about your worries, maybe a doctor or a councillor?
Please don't worry too much, you will get better. :)

[HotTea]

I am on a waiting list for CBT, but it's about four months long. I'm not to bad really, I have always had HA, and I do worry excessively about stupid things, like when I have a so ought period pain I have cancer or forget something it's a brain tumor. But I don't really act on it, because my rational brain takes over most of the time.
I haven't been to the doctors for years, only a little a while ago as I had a panic attack (brought on by health anxiety) and a virus all the the same time. I didn't eat or drink anything but water for ten days and my body went into melt down, had more panic attacks etc.
He gave me anti anxiety meds, citropram. 20mg, but I took it and it nearly knocked me out. I have never felt so poorly, so I vowed to get better on my own.
Meds are not something I ever want. Which I think is why I'm so scared of Bi Polar/Depression.
It spjust seems iv found something new to obsess over instead of cancer. I never realised there were so many mental disorders, and i didn't even realise I had anxiety until I had the panic attack.

---------- Post added at 19:09 ---------- Previous post was at 19:08 ----------

I also feel guilty when I look at google. But can't seem to stop myself.

---------- Post added at 19:10 ---------- Previous post was at 19:09 ----------

I also feel guilty when I look at google. But can't seem to stop myself.

[Fishmanpa]

Just keep in mind... If you "think" you're going mad, you're not. Someone who is truly in psychosis doesn't realize it.

Positive thoughts