Hi All,

[Peter]

Hi all,

Jut wanted to say hi and give a little of my story. Beginning to see the benefit of talking / sharing; men we can be very slow at times.

Being knocking around with anxiety related problems for the last 7 years, panic for a few years, which lead onto Agoraphobia etc. For 6 of those 7 years I had no name for it, other than been told I was a bit stressed and should try to relax. I knew it was more than that but couldn’t put my finger on it, tried to control / contain the problem and ended up digging a bigger and bigger hole. Over a year ago I read a book that gave me a name for my condition.
It may seem trivial, but just to have a name, gave me such relief and only then I started to understand a bit about my predicament. How can you tackle something without understanding it? I thought for so long that I was just been foolish, life is hard for everyone and you just got to get on with it. I forced and forced myself into situations that kept wearing me down, until a point last year when I couldn’t even bare to get out of bed, couldn’t bear to dress myself and face another day. I dragged myself around, days became weeks, weeks months and months years and all the time I felt really frightened and stupid, like I should be pulling myself together but not having the enthusiasm and energy to do it.
I’ve changed a lot in my life in the last year. It’s been a hard year and I’ve taken a number of knocks, but I know that the direction is right. Someone once described life to me, like a basket full of fruit; everything you do either takes from or adds to the basket. All I had done was taken from the basket and never replenished. I’ve been making my deposits over the year and it’s a slow process, I’m not prefect but I’m definitely a 100 times better than I was. I may never get it to a point when things will be perfect, but I’m also OK with that, I’m not responsible for the outcome, only the effort. I started this a year ago with one belief, that how I was feeling emotionally, there was an equally strong and opposite feeling, and that is my goal. Two of the biggest changes in my attitude are an acceptance of where I’ve been and where I am now, and patience, like they say, time is a great healer.
My panic attacks are gone and I can walk around my estate quite freely, shops and queues are not a problem, work is easy and going to the canteen a pleasure. Generally out and about is not a problem. There are still some situations that cause me concern, like family occasions, I know this is because I’ve kept this to myself and am afraid of falling at the last hurdle. Flying I would rather not do, so for the moment I don’t. Things are good and getting better and I’m looking forward to the future and my changing moods / attitudes and thinking.


I wish all on this site my best.
P

PS Feels like I just added another piece of fruit to my basket.

[apm]

Hi Peter- it's always great to hear of a success story like this- gives hope to those of us that are in a low place. It sounds like you have come a very long way to conquering your panic- for those last few parts, you will find this site a mine of information and a huge support- I certainly have.

Good stuff!

Best to you,

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

[Meg]

Hi Peter,

Thanks so much for posting this .

Well done to you for figuring it out and dealing with it slowly but thoroughly.

Sorry it took those years but no matter now . Onwards and upwards.






Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

[nomorepanic]

Hi Peter and welcome

You have done so well and you sound a little like me.... Had a lot to cope with and are nearly there and just a few things holding you back.

I like the fruit bowl idea - I think we can all relate to that.

I do hope that you stick around to tell us how you got better and offer us all some advise.

Good to have you on board.

Nic

Nicola

[Peter]

Hi All,
Thanks for the posts.

Hi Nicola,

I’m sorry if my post was a bit misleading. I’m not better, just feeling a whole lot better. I have my days, when for no reason my mood just swings and I find myself in the doghouse (sounds a bit better than been in the dog). But then it swings back again and I’m clear-headed calm and relaxed. I’ve kind of accepted that both situations are temporary for the time being. I’m getting much better feel good moods and these are increasing each time. This is so much better than how I was. There are still issues that I’m working, but working with a more positive attitude. There are times when I wonder if I’ll every be normal, but I hold tight to the belief that there is an opposite emotion to the ones I’ve been feeling. This is my foundation and around it I build.

This thing has cost me an absolute arm and leg; I’ve run from Billy to jack without success. I’ve been told all kinds of things, tried all kinds of solutions, but all of them a dead end for me. Everyone is different and what works for one will not work for the next. Trail and error, I guess.

What is working for me I’m not sure? Like I said I’ve made loads of changes and I can’t say which one is more important than the other. My guess is that it’s a combination of all. All I’ve done is concentrated on the basics, and what made sense to me. What I’ve been doing is,

Toxins
Cut out as much as possible. I don’t drink tea or coffee anymore, I take herbal tea instead. I’ve quit smoking and drinking (bar the occasional few).

Diet
I had a big problem with food. I now snack on Fruit and Veg all day long and I juice a lot of vegetables. Vegetable intake is only something I’ve been doing in the last couple of months and I believe it has helped me considerable. Food is a big thing for me; they say ‘you are what you eat’. Not sure if this is correct, but I certainly do feel great after a big glass of Veg. Its funny what you get used to, the drink is only OK but I look forward to how it makes me feel and it certainly fills a gap for a few hours.

Also I went to the Patrick Holford clinic and had some tests on my tolerance to certain foods (very expensive, sure if I’d looked around I could have done it for a fraction of the costs). Came up anyway that I had an intolerance to Yeast, Soya and Dairy products. Am trying to work these out of my diet, difficulty from a convinance point of view.

The reason the food was a big one to me is because I feel my body under pressure after I’ve eaten certain foods. I can feel my heart really having to work hard to digest and I’ve always felt kind of sluggish and bloated in my bowels. I read somewhere that 80% of serotonin is produced in your bowels, so if your bowels are working well and are not under to much stress then this helps serotonin production. I’m not sure if this is correct, I only believe something after I’ve seen it posted many, many times and I only saw this the once. Maybe there’s someone reading that can tell me if I’m talking through my bowels???

Exercise
Put on my Walkman and walk 40 minutes everyday. This is a good boost to the system, and I always return in great mood. Difficulty at first, and to be honest I cried every night for three months over winter, but always felt refreshed afterwards. I think I was like a pressure cooker, letting off steam bit by bit.

Supplements
I take Fish oils, a multi vitamin, a vitamin C and an antioxidant. Not sure about these, but I figure they can’t be doing me any harm.

Meditation.
I started meditating over a year ago. Its very rocky, I have bouts when I can sit for an hour at a time, but mostly I do about 20 to 30 minutes, most days. Like I said I believe in opposites, and stilling the mind is the opposite of a racing mind. Through it somehow I’ve managed to calm things down. With a calmer mind I’m beginning to see things differently. It is difficulty to motivate yourself to sit and I am a bit rocky on this, but I believe that this has helped me the most and I’m going to keep at it.

Counseling
I also started couns

[snowman]

Hi Pete

Interesting on the food intolerance. I too have just been tested and found I have an intolerance to dairy foods in the main...a +4! Not good.

But starting to look more closely at my diet. Still drink a morning tea but cut out coffee 10 years ago when my anxiety was getting bad....palpitations etc....couldnt understand it. Vits and fish oil also on the morning agenda now. Back onthe anti d's a the momeent...week 2 but starting to feel a bit better. Just need to talk to people so Im not letting it all build up inside.

Some good tips. I start CBT tomorrow[8D]

S

[malc38]

Hi Peter,
Welcome to the site[8D], i found your post very interesting and informative as i myself am looking into what i eat and drink which i believe has a bearing on my bouts of anxiety. Like you when the attacks started i had no idea what was happening to me and i wasn't until i picked up a book and found other people suffering from the same condition did i start to feel better.

Hope to chat with you sometime
take care
malc

[Peter]

Hi Guys,

I think food is a biggie. The problem is there’s so much info. and most of it conflicting. One week we're told something, the next they've done a U-turn. What I'm looking at is keeping it real simple, there's so much new foods on the shelves in what the last 30/40 years that maybe our bodies have not been accustomed too. How many years have we been evolving?? and yet what has happened to diets / lifestyles in the last century, has to be the biggest leap so far.

Anyway I'm at the stage were I've more or less exhausted most of my options. I feel much better, but still there’s this persistent tension that I can't seem to shake off (GA full circle). I go around feeling held, tight and I know this is sapping my energy, holding me back. There are still issues that I'm sorting through, a bit of tweaking here and there but I don't feel anything serious enough to warranty this constant Held sensation.

I'm going to do a 60 day detox, bowel cleanse (what ever you want to call it). Came across this site yesterday and while a bit OTT a lot of it makes sense to me. I'm not sure if I should post other sites on this message board ??? (so mail me if interested) The diet is made up mainly the obvious things like fruit and veg, raw this, raw that blah, blah blah. Anybody interested in giving it a short, tired of doing things on my own, and I have a new enthusiasm (sadly something that was lacking for the better part of my life)
Kind regards
P

[sal]

Hi Peter

You have totally taken control of how you feel and have battled hard enough to reap the rewards.

so pleased that you are feeling so much better and hope ever step you make become as easy as the next one.

You have been through a lot but never given in and kept fighting it all the way. You have looked to every alternative option available to you and tried it. With success as well.

Keep up the postive moves forward as you have done so well.

Like you say you may never be perfect, who is. You might never forget this episode in your life but the best benefit you have gained is that you will have learned from it.

Take care and good luck

Love Sal xxxx

[Peter]

Hi Sal,

Thanks for that, means a lot.

I have one major motivation, that been my children. Anyone on here with kids of their own will know the extent we go to to shield them from our fears, and the guilt / sadness we feel for anything passed on (real or perceived).

This morning I'm really sad.:( I just dropped off my family to the airport, going on holiday for a week. I have pushed myself into really hard situations that took from me and there came a time when I just had to stop. I know my limitations and flying is out (for the time being anyway). My little girl worked herself into a bit of a frenzy during the week because she realised I wasn't going, broke my heart. Anyway, I could see her little face at the airport this morning, so unsure and I guess a little frightened, feel like having a cry myself. I made a pack with my wife last year, that I would do my best to sort this out if she took control of the kids life and kept it as normal as possible. Going on holiday is normal, right, going on holiday with half the family is not?

This is what hurts the most, F### the anxiety, thats my baby, but when you pass on little bits to the next generation, thats what really hits. I need no more motivation than the memory of that little face this morning; it will haunt me for sometime. Did I say haunt, I meant motivate, like topping up the car with petrol.

Apologies for the negative mail, but needed to vent some of my frustrations.

Kind regards
P

[nomorepanic]

Hi again

You are doing everything right - you seem to know what to do and you are so close to getting to the end so well done.

Food can play a big part in our bodies reactions to things and how we feel in general so it is great that you have researched it and are taking it seriously.

I don't mind you posting websites on here - just give us the URL - that isn't a problem atall.

Sorry to hear about the holiday and I bet you feel heart-broken about your littel girl. BUT, just tell yourself that you can be there one day and there are many days left and you CAN do it. Not much comfort now but something to look forward to yeah?

I hope you are feeling a little brighter this evening?

Take care

Nicola

[sal]

Hi Peter

No need to apologise for the negative post we all do them.

Like you say you have pushed yourself but you know your limits and going on a plane on your holidays was too much for you. You confronted that and admitted it was too much. It would have been easier to go along with it then let your family down at the last minute which would have been harder all round.

You know your goals and have achieved many of them, this is just one that will take more time. It is hard seeing your children looking unsure and scared and that is one of the biggest wrenchs we parents can get. But please dont feel guilty, you havent chosen not to go through choice, you just accepted you couldnt manage it.

There are no hard fast rules for holidays anyhow. Yeah family holidays are nice if this is an option all can cope with but i am sure she will have a wonderful time with her mum, and at the end of the day if she enjoys herself thats what counts.

Please dont feel guilty, you havent let her down. Just think of how much fun she will have and how excited she will be to come home and tell her daddy all about it.

Take care of yourself.

Love Sal xxxx

[Caz Fab Pants]

Peter,

Only just noticed your thread and have just finished reading all the replies.

You sound very level headed and seem to be tackling your problem in a very positive, practicle and healthy way. Your attitude is right, you know your stuff with regards to food, toxins etc and seem to have all the right ingredients basically to conquere this.

Well done for being so disciplined and I'm sure you wont need to be wished luck because in my opinion you'll have everything you want before long.

Cheers,
Caroline :)
x

[sarah]

Hi Peter

Im sorry you are feeling down about not going on holiday but I truly believe that if you carry on the way you are you will be able to go with them next year.

You have really sound thinking and practices and we can definately all learn a lot from your posts...thankyou!!!!

Take the time while your family is away to relax and do all those things you have been meaning to do, keep yourself busy and they will be back in no time all happy to see you!!!!

take care
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[Peter]

Hi All,
I don’t know really what to say. I wrote a mail the other day that once posted I fretted about non stop. I was watching the count all day and every time I saw an additional person go in I broke out in sweat. I didn’t sleep all night and the next morning (yesterday) I managed to go in and delete.

I came on this site over a year ago and then left after someone had posted a request for success stories. I was so afraid that no one would, that I didn’t have the courage to come back. I kept my head down and had a god awful year. I am not better, but getting there, the first time I felt my head above water I burst onto this site singing and for this I have to apologies. I know how dreadful this is and how the last thing you want to hear is someone say, ‘I did, this, this and this and hey look at me’. This was the last thing I wanted to do, and somehow managed to do it anyway.

I feel so foolish and ashamed for what I wrote and to those who read I do apologies sincerely. I missed one of the most important lessons, I guess there are people who empathy comes to naturally and there are people who have to work on it and then there are people who will never get it. I guess I fall into the latter. :(

Sorry
P

[sal]

Hi Peter

Dont worry about any posts you do on here. We all do understand, whether its a negative or a success story we are all here to help.

You are going through a hard time and doesnt help that you have a week on your own to stew on it. You are putting the guilt on yourself when really you shouldnt. You know your boundaries and there is no fault with that at all.



Love Sal xxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Hiya Peter

I never saw the post so couldn't comment.

I just looked back at your posts from last year. The one about meeting a mate in the street and the ironing / yoga classes. That made us all laugh.

You are free to say whatever you want on here and please don't restrict yourself as it is here to let people have their say. I am sure the post wasn't rude to anyone.

Please keep your chin up ok and let us know how you are feeling - good or bad?

xx

Nicola