cpe1978
23-05-14, 22:17
Evening everyone,
I haven't been posting on here much lately, mainly because for some reason neither my laptop nor my phone will log on, so I am here on my ipad!
Anyway, I have always hesitated posting my progress because my head as always told me that either, i would immediately receive a dreadful diagnosis or alternatively I would degenerate to where I was before.
Last August my HA started with a vengeance, I got it in my head that because my father had renal cancer at 38 that I was on the same trajectory and it was bound to be hereditary. I went loopy, found myself contacting cancer charities, paying for an ultrasound, visiting the GP countless times, googling like crazy and entered a deep depression where I didn't even want to get out of bed. This was made worse by the fact that I just started my dream job with the NHS and was largely functionless at work.
I developed symptom after symptom, starting with those that were related to renal cancer and then a whole load besides. In my head I have had countless diseases. I have ached for months, been in constant pain.
I developed a plan which tackled the panic (I have written about this before), however it is only recently in the past few weeks where I think I have genuinely let go, realised that if something happens that I would cope like most other people, and realised that I am more scared of not living than dying. Guess what, the pain has passed.
Now nearly a year on from when this hell started, I still have moments, I still struggle occasionally, but I manage it well and for the most part am happy. I am working hard at work and loving my job, I am there for my kids and I am flying to cyprus tomorrow and can't wait.
I have been depressed before and dealt with it with meds. This time I am med free and have worked through it and come out the other side. I have achieved a lot in my life but this was the toughest challenge and my biggest victory.
I am not daft enough to think that things won't go bad again, but I know that I can recover from it. In fact this post is in part designed to act as a reminder to me of how I can feel.
I plan to hang around here, I know my views on recovery attract conflicting opinions, but I want to try and help others. Thank you so much for all your support, especially Katie, Fishmanpa, Tanner, Honeylove, Roxy and many others.
If you are in the depths of despair, please know that with the right strategy you can get better, but to do so I believe that you have to understand that your main issue is anxiety.
Right I am going to pack but wanted to post something positive before I went :)
I haven't been posting on here much lately, mainly because for some reason neither my laptop nor my phone will log on, so I am here on my ipad!
Anyway, I have always hesitated posting my progress because my head as always told me that either, i would immediately receive a dreadful diagnosis or alternatively I would degenerate to where I was before.
Last August my HA started with a vengeance, I got it in my head that because my father had renal cancer at 38 that I was on the same trajectory and it was bound to be hereditary. I went loopy, found myself contacting cancer charities, paying for an ultrasound, visiting the GP countless times, googling like crazy and entered a deep depression where I didn't even want to get out of bed. This was made worse by the fact that I just started my dream job with the NHS and was largely functionless at work.
I developed symptom after symptom, starting with those that were related to renal cancer and then a whole load besides. In my head I have had countless diseases. I have ached for months, been in constant pain.
I developed a plan which tackled the panic (I have written about this before), however it is only recently in the past few weeks where I think I have genuinely let go, realised that if something happens that I would cope like most other people, and realised that I am more scared of not living than dying. Guess what, the pain has passed.
Now nearly a year on from when this hell started, I still have moments, I still struggle occasionally, but I manage it well and for the most part am happy. I am working hard at work and loving my job, I am there for my kids and I am flying to cyprus tomorrow and can't wait.
I have been depressed before and dealt with it with meds. This time I am med free and have worked through it and come out the other side. I have achieved a lot in my life but this was the toughest challenge and my biggest victory.
I am not daft enough to think that things won't go bad again, but I know that I can recover from it. In fact this post is in part designed to act as a reminder to me of how I can feel.
I plan to hang around here, I know my views on recovery attract conflicting opinions, but I want to try and help others. Thank you so much for all your support, especially Katie, Fishmanpa, Tanner, Honeylove, Roxy and many others.
If you are in the depths of despair, please know that with the right strategy you can get better, but to do so I believe that you have to understand that your main issue is anxiety.
Right I am going to pack but wanted to post something positive before I went :)