The confessions of a absolute arse.

[Harribo]

Hi guys, not really sure if this is meant to go here or not but I'm sure it will be moved to the right place if need be.

Where do I start? I have had my anxiety under control for the last couple of years now and I still have so you maybe wondering why I'm posting to be fair, the answer to that is I just need a chat and some advice about life. I have really ****ed up the last couple of years.

I'm 23, I have a beautiful 8 month old daughter & a gorgeous girlfriend who I have been with for 2 years. Perfect right? I have just outed myself to her and admitted to cheating on her 5 times the latest was Thursday just gone. I felt terrible & my head was burning with guilt & I had to get it off my chest. I feel like my life has come crashing down around me & iv lost everything. My mind is fuzzy I feel confused & drained. I literally feel like ending it. I know a lot of people on here will be like you whatever you feel like that think of your girlfriend & I am.

I don't know why I told her after the fifth girl. I didn't feel guilty up until that point & it was for some reason that girl made me feel guilty for all of the others. I also believe I may have a cocaine & alcohol problem. I only drink maybe once a month but when I do I binge and when I have a drink I take cocaine.

My girlfriend has agreed to try & work things out but I just feel miserable and numb to everything and I am not sure what to do as I am in my own little bubble at the minute.

I genuinely think I have bipolar and sociopathy personality because I am either sad or happy up or down and it also disregard other peoples feelings for my pleasure. I rarely feel guilt & I am just a nasty person in general, yet I still don't want to sort my life out. I am on the downer phase to my sick messed up mind now so I am feeling all is wo is me and don't literally give a damn about myself my girlfriend or anyone or anything. I feel very on edge. My girlfriend deserves better.

I sometimes feel like if I don't nip this in the bud now I am either going to hurt myself or somebody around me. I don't want sympathy I am a fool. I am like a cancer. A nightmare for everyone. My girlfriend would whipe my backside if I asked her too. She does everything for me & I have done this. I could honestly write a book.

So sorry for this draining boring post, I just needed toget off my chest what a loser I am. Thank you.

Harry.

[James1983]

you're not a loser...you're on to winner, if you want badly enough. if you didn't care and were so bad you would not have written any of this at 2am! you've got someone who is going to stand by you. you know where you're faults are and had the guts to admit them. talk to your dr about your drug/alcohol issues and get on top of it, everything else will fall into place.

[swgrl09]

Well, I can tell you that you aren't a sociopath. If you were, you wouldn't have an ounce of empathy or remorse and wouldn't be on this site in the first place because you truly would not care about your actions or how they affect others.

Although you wrote you don't give a damn about yourself, your girlfriend, etc, it is really apparent that you do give a damn about all of the above. Get some help, like James said, with the drug and alcohol issues. Seeing a therapist will help the pieces fall into place. Once you see a therapist, maybe you can do some couples sessions too if you want to work on it with your girlfriend.

You mention that you have had your anxiety under control for a few years, but I wonder - and I could be totally off base and wrong, as I don't know a lot about you - but could you feel like it's under control because you are medicating yourself with drugs and alcohol? Just something to consider.

[I'mdave27]

As long as you don't use sociopath , bipolar etc to justify you using drink and drugs then you have a chance of sorting yourself out , providing that you want to. However , drink and drugs are never a excuse for cheating that's a lesson you need to learn. Have you ever thought you might just not want to be with your GF ? I mean to cheat five times does say a lot to ms about how you feel about your GF plus I don't think you could of been that drunk or drugged up because how would you remember ? Or unless you slept over at one of the girls houses ? If you are drinking stella artois I seriously suggest laying off that stuff because that is really a lethal drink that has the power to change behaviour when I used to drink it it would drive me nuts , literally. I suggest grow up admit you don't love her or quit playing games and be a gentleman

[Harribo]

As long as you don't use sociopath , bipolar etc to justify you using drink and drugs then you have a chance of sorting yourself out , providing that you want to. However , drink and drugs are never a excuse for cheating that's a lesson you need to learn. Have you ever thought you might just not want to be with your GF ? I mean to cheat five times does say a lot to ms about how you feel about your GF plus I don't think you could of been that drunk or drugged up because how would you remember ? Or unless you slept over at one of the girls houses ? If you are drinking stella artois I seriously suggest laying off that stuff because that is really a lethal drink that has the power to change behaviour when I used to drink it it would drive me nuts , literally. I suggest grow up admit you don't love her or quit playing games and be a gentleman

I am not using nothing as an excuse, just expressing how I feel & act might possibly the of someone who suffers from these. I was sober on 4 out of 5 of these and they were 5 different people and all round the girls house. Stella is a powerful drink & does change people but I can handle my drink. I am not an alcoholic, I drink maybe once a month if that. My problem is I take drugs when I drink. I honestly believe I love my girlfriend. I just find it hard expressing it. I'm quite a cold person & have a nasty streak whether I'm drunk or sober. Thanks for everyone's posts so far.

[I'mdave27]

You can still have a drink problem even if you only drink once a month ! If you were bi polar or sociopath you wouldn't feel guilt , remorse , love (sociopath only) or any emotion for that matter. If you were sober when cheating then I suggest you need to have a reality check with yourself and get therapy because like I said you said you are a nasty person etc. A nasty person doesn't know they are being nasty they just are just like a crazy person is crazy without thinking or knowing they are crazy , make sense ? You are only 23 so try not to give yourself a hard time relax a little

[Harribo]

You can still have a drink problem even if you only drink once a month ! If you were bi polar or sociopath you wouldn't feel guilt , remorse , love (sociopath only) or any emotion for that matter. If you were sober when cheating then I suggest you need to have a reality check with yourself and get therapy because like I said you said you are a nasty person etc. A nasty person doesn't know they are being nasty they just are just like a crazy person is crazy without thinking or knowing they are crazy , make sense ? You are only 23 so try not to give yourself a hard time relax a little


This is my point, it's like my head was burning to tell her with guilt, now that I have told her it's like I don't care anymore. The guilt has gone. The best way I can describe what I feel in my head is you remember the box TVs and you would put it on a channel it didn't agree with or the signal would go and you would get the fuzzy black and white grain pixels flashing about 100MPH. Well that's how my head feels. I'm rarely happy & to my surprise she's taken it quite well & wants to work it out. Which is what I obviously want but I'm still not happy.