TofuMama
26-05-14, 20:40
Hi. You might remember me from such topics as 'I've lost total control of my bladder function because of my health anxiety' and 'I am considering my own mortality, given my debilitation.'.
I received some very friendly advice over the last few weeks I've been here, and last night I managed my first unhindered sleep since early March. I put my head on the pillow, drifted off to sleep, and awoke 9 and a half hours later, feeling fab.
I've got a holiday booked, a therapist at the ready, all the medical tests to take away my principal concerns scheduled, and I've since managed to alleviate the bedbound status, and I'm now walking small distances, and am able to cook again.
Hell, even earlier I had an aborted panic attack. I stood up, felt my body screaming at me to lay down and hyperventilate, but it didn't have the edge it normally did. Normally the edge will be "Your lungs can't get enough oxygen, and your blood pressure is dropping rapidly." but all I got was a quite serious amount of stress fear followed with "It's under control this time.. and my body's not shutting down.. maybe all the physical ailments in the past *were* caused by this terrifying fear, as opposed to the other way around?".
So I have basic control of my 21 year old body back, and am now no longer functioning as a debilitated 80 year old. Basic swimming exercise starts Monday next week. I have 8 miles of walking to do this week, which I will attempt incrementally. (Today, 300 metres was enough.)
If I'm successful, somewhere in 3-4 months I will write another post. I have never met someone with health anxiety quite as severe as mine, leading to the issues of bladder control complete loss, movement from athletic conditioning to near care home levels of debilitation, and such extreme pain that my brain really did consider non existence to be worthwhile. I will write how to get out of the deep end by swimming upstream. A tough task, but one that other users encouraged me to do, and has given me an absolutely serious release.
I'd like to thank anyone who posts here to try and help other sufferers. I didn't know health anxiety could be so absolutely severe. It ended my life as I knew it, and I feel like I'm coming out the other end now.
I received some very friendly advice over the last few weeks I've been here, and last night I managed my first unhindered sleep since early March. I put my head on the pillow, drifted off to sleep, and awoke 9 and a half hours later, feeling fab.
I've got a holiday booked, a therapist at the ready, all the medical tests to take away my principal concerns scheduled, and I've since managed to alleviate the bedbound status, and I'm now walking small distances, and am able to cook again.
Hell, even earlier I had an aborted panic attack. I stood up, felt my body screaming at me to lay down and hyperventilate, but it didn't have the edge it normally did. Normally the edge will be "Your lungs can't get enough oxygen, and your blood pressure is dropping rapidly." but all I got was a quite serious amount of stress fear followed with "It's under control this time.. and my body's not shutting down.. maybe all the physical ailments in the past *were* caused by this terrifying fear, as opposed to the other way around?".
So I have basic control of my 21 year old body back, and am now no longer functioning as a debilitated 80 year old. Basic swimming exercise starts Monday next week. I have 8 miles of walking to do this week, which I will attempt incrementally. (Today, 300 metres was enough.)
If I'm successful, somewhere in 3-4 months I will write another post. I have never met someone with health anxiety quite as severe as mine, leading to the issues of bladder control complete loss, movement from athletic conditioning to near care home levels of debilitation, and such extreme pain that my brain really did consider non existence to be worthwhile. I will write how to get out of the deep end by swimming upstream. A tough task, but one that other users encouraged me to do, and has given me an absolutely serious release.
I'd like to thank anyone who posts here to try and help other sufferers. I didn't know health anxiety could be so absolutely severe. It ended my life as I knew it, and I feel like I'm coming out the other end now.