neonpink_smurf
11-12-06, 00:55
i don't know what section to put this post in! depression or anxiety?
but anyway, the thing is i was out last night with my boyfriend and a few friends, i had a good night and i did have quite a bit to drink but when i got home i ended up arguing with my b/f over something stupid as sometimes happens! but then i began to feel worse and worse and really crap and worthless and like i was a burden and didn't deserve him..so i was really upset and then i said something like "i want to die" but didn't really mean it though a thought like " i could just go into the bathroom and get a razor blade" did pass through my mind but i felt so ashamed after and oviously that made me even more upset. and i've been feeling so awful and guilty ever since and also terrified tht i'm suffering from depression even though i would never have said i was but thats one thing i'm terrified of getting and then i began to get scared that i would actually take my own life (even though i don't want to but this is my irrational mind!) and scared that having said that last night might make it happen..
This is making me so upset and its been really hard to stop crying..
I know a few people who have killed themselves and i know the pain so i know i'd never do it and i never really seriously thought about it, i just made a flippant comment but now i'm worried i'm really depressed.. and i feel really guilty too
I just want to know do people think that theres something wrong with me or am i making a really big deal about a comment that means nothing? I feel so bad about saying it
but anyway, the thing is i was out last night with my boyfriend and a few friends, i had a good night and i did have quite a bit to drink but when i got home i ended up arguing with my b/f over something stupid as sometimes happens! but then i began to feel worse and worse and really crap and worthless and like i was a burden and didn't deserve him..so i was really upset and then i said something like "i want to die" but didn't really mean it though a thought like " i could just go into the bathroom and get a razor blade" did pass through my mind but i felt so ashamed after and oviously that made me even more upset. and i've been feeling so awful and guilty ever since and also terrified tht i'm suffering from depression even though i would never have said i was but thats one thing i'm terrified of getting and then i began to get scared that i would actually take my own life (even though i don't want to but this is my irrational mind!) and scared that having said that last night might make it happen..
This is making me so upset and its been really hard to stop crying..
I know a few people who have killed themselves and i know the pain so i know i'd never do it and i never really seriously thought about it, i just made a flippant comment but now i'm worried i'm really depressed.. and i feel really guilty too
I just want to know do people think that theres something wrong with me or am i making a really big deal about a comment that means nothing? I feel so bad about saying it