shieldmaiden
28-05-14, 02:04
Alright, so I'm really panicked right now. Something happened yesterday which I don't understand.
I was riding in the car with my boyfriend and I care for him deeply but sometimes he can get on my nerves, anyways, he was particularly getting on my nerves a bit but I was just nonchalantly looking out the window when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I could see us going over the center line of the road and a car coming and my sudden thought, instead of telling my boyfriend to watch out, was to just let it happen due to my irritation with my boyfriend. Then I felt him swerve the car out of the way and suddenly my brain clicked after realizing what I had just thought. I've been scared ever since. I don't even know if that counts as ocd or not because it felt like my real thought, that I wanted it to kill my boyfriend, to just let it happen. This scares me so much, because I often find when I get angry or irritated with someone, it's easy for me to lose myself, so to speak. I really don't want to kill or harm anyone, let alone my boyfriend, so I don't understand why I felt that way. I was doing well for awhile too..or so it seemed. I'm just scared that this means that I truly am a horrible person.
I was riding in the car with my boyfriend and I care for him deeply but sometimes he can get on my nerves, anyways, he was particularly getting on my nerves a bit but I was just nonchalantly looking out the window when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I could see us going over the center line of the road and a car coming and my sudden thought, instead of telling my boyfriend to watch out, was to just let it happen due to my irritation with my boyfriend. Then I felt him swerve the car out of the way and suddenly my brain clicked after realizing what I had just thought. I've been scared ever since. I don't even know if that counts as ocd or not because it felt like my real thought, that I wanted it to kill my boyfriend, to just let it happen. This scares me so much, because I often find when I get angry or irritated with someone, it's easy for me to lose myself, so to speak. I really don't want to kill or harm anyone, let alone my boyfriend, so I don't understand why I felt that way. I was doing well for awhile too..or so it seemed. I'm just scared that this means that I truly am a horrible person.