Mr icanthelpit
29-05-14, 16:32
I am just on here asking for reassurance. My story is rather long and drawn out but my main concern is the unbearable reality I am dealing with every day l It all started about two weeks ago, I had been experiencing extreme fatigue for two months prior, had all blood tests, been to all specialists and nothing was found to be wrong. I was in a state of decline but no one knew why, I had been an athlete and now my once active life was crumbling before me and there was no answer. I have GAD so was also exhausting my mental reserves worrying about having any disease I could find a vague symptom match of. Anyway, about two weeks ago I experienced a moment of derealisation, I was watching TV and became aware that I wasn't focusing on it at all (probably partly explained by the profound brain fog along with the fatigue) I then became severely agitated, a sense of doom like an itch I couldn't scratch had been triggered. I went to the doctors later that day in absolute despair about my situation he had no idea what was going on and I could tell because he was googling the symptoms, typical!! After I came home I started crying for no reason, the worst feeling of agitation I had ever felt, like there was no escape no way out nothing left. Anyway in the preceding days this agitation was so bad that the doctors prescribed quetiapine (an anti-schizophrenia medication!) and diazepam to take the edge off which worked to some extent but not fully. I was also prescribed citalopram 20mg which made me feel like I was going cold turkey on heroin, a real trainspotting moment. Anyway I seem to be now trapped in an anxiety/depression loop which is strangely only alleviated during the evening and nighttime hours. I am almost anxious and aware of being anxious, it's like alcohol would work in calming me down and relax. I can't seem to read or watch tv or eat (lost 10 kg) without thinking about preventing this agitation. I'm in a state of constant threat. It's a sickening thought and I can't live this way I feel like I am losing control and my mind and in such a short space of time. I have thought about ending it but then during the evening I see some light. The citalopram also seems to be helping me think slightly more clearly. Has anyone experienced this agitation or anxiety loop that makes life a living hell? Also when will the citalopram 20mg fully kick in so I can get back to my old self and why has this happened so quickly?