ForeverTrying
31-05-14, 13:26
Hi everyone, I have been reading lots of your posts over the last few days and I can relate to so much of what's been written so I've plucked up the courage to register.
I am a married mum of two; I live in the UK with my husband and two children (young adults), both of whom are disabled.
Around 5 years ago, I started to suffer really badly with anxiety, it was a hellish time and my GP put me on medication and the anxiety passed and I could function again. Since then, bizarrely around the same time every year (June); the panic and anxiety begins again. It's so debilitating that I struggle to function every day. I shake constantly, cry constantly, struggle to leave the house, to hold a conversation with anyone, to be in anyone's company - I am sure you can all relate to the symptoms. Each time I have gone to my GP and my meds have either been changed or adjusted.
About 5 weeks ago, my son was admitted to hospital because of his epilepsy and it triggered the panic again. I am not sure why the panic was triggered this time but it did and I have been back and forth to my GP every week since then; I have been in tears at each appointment, desperate for help.
I am currently on Duloxetine (2 x 60mg daily) which was prescribed 4 years ago for depression and Chlordiazepoxide (3 x 10mg daily) for anxiety. Four weeks ago, my GP changed the Chlordiazepoxide to Buspirone as I'd been on this before with good result. She told me I could take up to 3 of my 5mg Chlordiazepoxide along with the Buspirone but no more than that. I took one 5mg every other day in the desperate hope that the Buspirone would work quicker. That week was utter hell; I dragged myself through the week, my husband had to take time off work, I was a mess. I went back and saw another GP who told me that the Buspirone wasn't working so I had to stop taking it and revert back to the Chlordiazepoxide.
I went back to see my GP again on Wednesday; again in tears and I told her I was struggling to go on and that the anxiety was plaguing my life. I feel so hopeless and that I am useless to my family. She didn't change my meds; instead she referred me to the Community Mental Health Team as she feels I need help with the anxiety as opposed to medication. Someone from the CMHT called me a few days ago and said I would be assigned a Community Psychiatric Nurse but it can take up to two weeks for someone to be assigned; if I feel worse in the meantime, I've to call them. She said the CPN can work with me on CBT and he/she can advise my GP on the medication needed (if any).
So I am no further forward. I have a good circle of friends but I cannot face seeing them at present as I can't muster up any enthusiasm to have a conversation. Yesterday, I dropped my daughter at school and went for a walk; my legs felt like jelly but I did it. Today, I have woken up with that feeling of dread in me and I keep telling myself that I need to make an effort but I am so tired.
I feel as though I am no good to anyone and that death would be more preferable than feeling like this all of the time though I would never leave my children so would never contemplate suicide. It's just this feeling of being in a hole and desperately wanting to get out of it and feel human again.
Sorry for writing such a long introductory post. Thanks for reading. x
I am a married mum of two; I live in the UK with my husband and two children (young adults), both of whom are disabled.
Around 5 years ago, I started to suffer really badly with anxiety, it was a hellish time and my GP put me on medication and the anxiety passed and I could function again. Since then, bizarrely around the same time every year (June); the panic and anxiety begins again. It's so debilitating that I struggle to function every day. I shake constantly, cry constantly, struggle to leave the house, to hold a conversation with anyone, to be in anyone's company - I am sure you can all relate to the symptoms. Each time I have gone to my GP and my meds have either been changed or adjusted.
About 5 weeks ago, my son was admitted to hospital because of his epilepsy and it triggered the panic again. I am not sure why the panic was triggered this time but it did and I have been back and forth to my GP every week since then; I have been in tears at each appointment, desperate for help.
I am currently on Duloxetine (2 x 60mg daily) which was prescribed 4 years ago for depression and Chlordiazepoxide (3 x 10mg daily) for anxiety. Four weeks ago, my GP changed the Chlordiazepoxide to Buspirone as I'd been on this before with good result. She told me I could take up to 3 of my 5mg Chlordiazepoxide along with the Buspirone but no more than that. I took one 5mg every other day in the desperate hope that the Buspirone would work quicker. That week was utter hell; I dragged myself through the week, my husband had to take time off work, I was a mess. I went back and saw another GP who told me that the Buspirone wasn't working so I had to stop taking it and revert back to the Chlordiazepoxide.
I went back to see my GP again on Wednesday; again in tears and I told her I was struggling to go on and that the anxiety was plaguing my life. I feel so hopeless and that I am useless to my family. She didn't change my meds; instead she referred me to the Community Mental Health Team as she feels I need help with the anxiety as opposed to medication. Someone from the CMHT called me a few days ago and said I would be assigned a Community Psychiatric Nurse but it can take up to two weeks for someone to be assigned; if I feel worse in the meantime, I've to call them. She said the CPN can work with me on CBT and he/she can advise my GP on the medication needed (if any).
So I am no further forward. I have a good circle of friends but I cannot face seeing them at present as I can't muster up any enthusiasm to have a conversation. Yesterday, I dropped my daughter at school and went for a walk; my legs felt like jelly but I did it. Today, I have woken up with that feeling of dread in me and I keep telling myself that I need to make an effort but I am so tired.
I feel as though I am no good to anyone and that death would be more preferable than feeling like this all of the time though I would never leave my children so would never contemplate suicide. It's just this feeling of being in a hole and desperately wanting to get out of it and feel human again.
Sorry for writing such a long introductory post. Thanks for reading. x