forevernervous
04-06-14, 18:53
Hi all. . My name is Samantha .. I'm 33 and am having alot of trouble with my anxiety as of lately . A little about me.. I'm married and have 2 beautiful girls 12 and 4.. All this anxiety started when I was about 18.. my aunt called my mother and told her my uncle had shot himself . :-( they lived about a hr from us so we got the family together and drove up there to support my aunt. When all was said and done and the police and coroner had let my aunt didnt want to stay there and wanted to stay with my grandma (her mom) . She need clothes from her bedroom and didnt want to go in that rm because that's where my uncle had shot himself. .. well being the brave 18 yr old I was I offered to go and get her some clothes. I went up the stairs and opened the bedroom door. . Never could I have imagined what i was about to see. His body was gone of course but all his remains were still there.. i wont go into detail but he shot himself in the head so you can imagine :-( I quick grabbed some of my aunts belongings and left. From that day forward I had anxiety. Heart palpitations.. scared I was going to die. . Been to every er in the city and all said my heart was fine and all test came back normal. I went on like that for yrs but as time went on things got better. I still have the heart palpitations but nothing like when I was 18. Fast forward to March 4th of this yr. My grandma of which I am very close to was rushed to the hospital. 3 days later she was gone :'( I cried every day for weeks she was like a second mother to me.. my anxiety was actually doing pretty good.. so I thought. . A week later we had her funeral .. I read a poem for all to hear. . Even now a little over 3 mos I still can't believe she's gone and ill never see her again. . I don't cry any more because I try not to get stuck on thinking of her even though there's not a day that goes by I don't . 2 weeks after she passed I got really sick. . Went to the er twice and was told its either the flu or a bacterial infection .. I was sick for 2 mos.. I thought I never was going to get better.. I went tto my doctor 3 times she insisted it was my anxiety .. I told her I've had anxiety for 13 yrs and never has it been like this.. I was bed ridden for days on and off felt sick to my stomach. I had pretty much every symptom you could have. One day id be nauseated and couldn't eat. . I lost 10 pounds and I'm skinny already so I really can't loose weight .. had a bellyache .. then the next day both my legs would feel kinda numb.. that's lasted for a few days n then I got really dizzy. . Then my chest would hurt .. I don't want to go on but I seriously had every symptom one could have.. my doc still insisted anxiety and prescribed me some pills of which I haven't took because I hate any kind of pills and have read terrible side effects. To ease my mine my doc referred me to a infectious disease doc.. the appt was a mo out so in the mean time I felt like I never did before.. scared to go out of my house. . Scared to go to stores.. scared to be alone .. still today I don't go out to much myself .. I am obsessed I have some deadly disease that all the docs missed.. I hate that I can't be the mother I was to my kids .. I can't be the wife I was to my husband .. the mo finally passed and I saw the infections doc.. she asked a bunch of questions and then got to the dreadful one. . She asked if I have anxiety .. I told her yes. . She didnt ask any more questions after that. . I hate when a doc hears you have anxiety and suddenly stops and blames all your symptoms on it. She told me she's went through all my recent test and none of them point to a infectious disease .. she talked to me for awhile and insured me I wasn't dying ams it was my anxiety that was causing all the weird symptoms I was having.. for some reason I wanted to believe her. . She asked if I have meds for it. . I told her I did but refuse to take them.. she insist I should.. well I still haven't taken them.. sooo fast forward to today.. 2 wks or so after my infections disease Appt and I'm still having problems.. I have been seeing a therapist for about 3 wks now and he seems to help but not alot.. At least my symptoms have pretty much been the same and not something new everyday .. my symptoms are weak and shaky arms and legs (I've had that since I got sick with the flu) some days are better then others .. up to about 3 days ago I was always nauseated and had a stomach ache but that's been gone for a few days. . I no longer have a appetite and sometimes have to force myself to eat just because I know I need to.. I also am dizzy/ off balance all day every day. . Some days are better then others but its always there... i also get a hot.. sometimes red face.. and hot top of back.. it drives me nuts because i feel im goimg to get a high temp like i did when i had the flu and be semt to the er in a ambulance like i did that day.. can someone please help me.. my husband is sick of hearing me talk about it.. my mother is starting to be sick of me telling me to just take the pills ill feel better.. I just don't know what to do any more. . Should I go back to the doc for more test or just believe anxiety can be taking over my life???? I want to be the fun .. loving mother/wife I use to be only 3 mos ago.