Hereditary health anxiety handed down through the generations

[TheHusband]

Here's my wife's family tree of illness:

Mother's mother: Always in the doctors, suffered terribly with worries, in hindsight we suspect Bi-Polar too
Mother: Health Anxiety, Panic attacks, Agorophobia
Mother's brother: Schizophrenic on serious medication
Her: Health Anxiety, slight hints of OCD
Brother: Hints of OCD
Daughter 1: Hints of OCD
Daughter 2: Hints of health worries, far too easy to panic

It is scary to think you can inherit these things. I suppose it is the hormone imbalance you inherit, not the anxiety condition in itself...it just leads to the same thing.

I am wondering what I can say to try and introduce my daughter #2 to the idea of thinking correctly about anxiety and health, now, in order to reduce the impact on her adult life later. Can you teach pre-emptive CBT?

[ectopicsufferer]

i havent got an answer for you but i didnt realise that anxiety is heriditory!

[TheHusband]

I suppose I ought to back that up with some official science. I've already seen various web pages that deny anxiety/panic is down to genes...and various web pages which affirm that it IS inherited.

I think this quote sums it up best:
"a trauma or significant event might trigger an anxiety disorder in people who have an inherited susceptibility to developing the disorder."

Of course there is the fact that we learn how to behave from witnessing our parents, and thus anxious ways of thinking get 'passed down'. This does happen...however, many parents are able to conceal things from their children too, and often anxiety disorders don't come out until middle age.

Perhaps there is no point caring about whether it is nature or nurture (genes or not)....the facts still state that if your parent had anxiety disorders, you are more likely to be at risk. So can we reduce that risk in our children?

[Humly]

How old is your daughter? It sounds like a good thing if you were able to talk about things with her without upsetting her. I have hidden my anxiety from my kids as I didnt want them to "learn" anything from me and they did not know how I was struggling. Now they are 15 and 17, the older one is a bit more aware and I think has a bit of an idea that I am anxious. I have found out that my mother is a "worrier" and seems as if she has been all her life and I never knew anything about it. She kept it all hidden away and didnt talk about it which is what I do now, and I think that is one of my main problems as I see it as something to be ashamed about. Its a tricky one but your daughters are lucky they have you as you seem to have a great understanding of the condition.

[HoneyLove]

If we teach our children healthy ways to think and deal with every day stress as well as the more difficult challenges that life throws at us, then we can give them a solid way to deal with any anxiety that comes their way. While it's true that some of us are more susceptible to mental health issues because of our genes, teaching new generations about mental health and how to manage it will give them a much better chance at dealing with it.

There's a certain aspect of nature to it, but I believe with most cases of anxiety that nurture and learned behaviour is what really sets things off. Most people on these boards are struggling with unhealthy thought patterns and cycles of fear perpetuated by their own thoughts and world views - with some education and effort this can be addressed and help people to deal with things in a better way. I think nature can make us more sensitive to stress, more highly strung, but nurture (learned behaviour not just necessarily from parents) is a stronger factor in anxiety issues.

[TheHusband]

My wife thought she was hiding it. OK our children have stumbled across her sobbing every few months, but there could be lots of reasons for that.

She was not able to hide the anxiety when it was regarding my daughters' health though. One daughter had her neck felt again and again, until I got quite stern with my wife about it. The other daughter has been pulled around at times too. They know that we have to text my wife the second we leave a doctor's appointment, with the good news that all is well.

The eldest is 10 and shows signs of being a 'worrier' in general, plus she can act as if a bit obsessed if someone mentions a health complaint. This girl had child-like versions of panic attack at the age of 6 too - e.g. left in the car for one minute whilst you grab a coat from the house...come back to find she had stripped all her clothes off because she was burning hot, and clawing at the doors feeling trapped.

[HoneyLove]

You'd be surprised how much children pick up, even when we think we're hiding it. They might not be consciously aware that they're learning to be anxious, and their actions might not be direct copies of their parents behaviour, but it does go in and they'll learn how to react to stress or illness from you.

As a child I didn't think my parents were overly anxious, it's only now as an adult that I see their anxious behaviour and realise where I learned it from. I can remember my mum feeling a lump in my neck and taking a big gasp as she felt around quickly for a matching one on the other side! It was a small reaction from her, and not something that happened often, but enough to sink into my child mind that finding lumps or strange things on our bodies is something to worry about.

I also see now how my father worries about everything, especially his health when he is unwell, and how my mother looks for attention through any illness or problem she might have. None of these are big reactions or panic attacks, they're all small subtle things that you might barely notice, but as a child if you're repeatedly seeing these things it does sink in.

Has your wife tried anything like CBT for her problems?

[blueangel]

I'd agree about the genetic components, as there is a lot of research out there which demonstrates that a lot of mental health problems can be inherited.

My father definitely suffered from HA, but I wasn't particularly aware of it when I was a child as he spent a lot of time in hospital with MS. After he died, my mother used to refer to him as a "hypochondriac" and was quite disparaging of it (my mother and father didn't get on well, and I strongly suspect that if he hadn't been ill, they'd have got divorced).

There were a couple of other things that didn't help when I was a child - I'd lost quite a few close relatives by the time I was 10, so I was aware at a very early age that people got sick and died. Also, as my dad had died of MS, I was dragged off to the doctor's a lot as the belief in the 1960s was that it could be hereditary. Therefore I very quickly learnt the association that illness = death, and also that if you got sick, you were put in a hospital and abandoned.

This wasn't a very good combination of events for a child that had a natural tendency to anxiety!!

[ectopicsufferer]

neither of my parents suffer from any kind of anxiety my mother however has copd which is hereditary my nan died of it, i have been diagnosed but then was told no it was asthma and was tested for the gene and it came back negative however i am being retested for it again next week ..
with regards to HA i and my brother both suffer from it and my 22 year old daughter suffers with bi-polar eating disorders and possible other mental disorders there seem to be so many names for so many different things these days ... i just wonder if her problems stem from me, i started suffering with HA 7 years ago xx

[luc]

My poor kids know they cant jump on mammy or spontanously hug mammy. They see me taking sitting on my bed staring at bras, tops etc. They have seen me doing lots of weird things and for that i feel very sad.

[cattia]

This is certainly true in our family, since my paternal Grandmother was a severe hypochondriac. She was a doctor avoider and even on her deathbed would not be seen by a Dr, in fact they think she died of breast cancer which might even have been treatable if she would have seen someone about it, she also had all the signs of diabetes but again was never diagnosed. My father also suffers with anxiety and some health anxiety so it clearly comes down that side of the family. I think my daughter will be the anxious type, although she is only four she is a sensitive and rather over emotional personality who worries a lot. I try my best not to let my anxiety rub off on her, but I also think if you're an anxious person then that's just how you're made, it's more about finding ways to deal with it. I hope if either of my children turn out to have anxiety disorders then I will be able to help them.

[NotCool]

This doesn't apply to me. :) All members of my family are very against going to the doctors unless necessery. I'm the black sheep, lol.

[Fishmanpa]

Interesting. I believe we're prone to certai illnesses genetically both physically and mentally. My father's side of the family had heart issues (my paternal grandfather). My Dad has been good. He's 80 and while he;s suffering from other health issues, most are from old age. However, I got the heart problems and I pushed them along with lifestyle. That being said, I would have had heart problems eventually as I inherited BP issues and cholesterol issues from my Mom's side. I was screwed anyway.

My Mom has suffered from mental illness as long as I can remember. She has depression and anxiety. The anxiety was passed on to my sister. I never really had any issues until after my health issues started. Some depression after my heart attacks and a bit of "scanxiety" since cancer.

Positive thoughts

[TheHusband]

This doesn't apply to me. :) All members of my family are very against going to the doctors unless necessery. I'm the black sheep, lol.

My wife has a bad health anxiety, but never wants to go to the doctors (I know many people on this forum find they have to visit often). She is somehow scared of having the worst confirmed. Plus she gets close to a panic attack in the waiting room, after having one for real in there.

I don't quite understand how she can daily suspect she has a new tumour or long-term degenerative disease...and yet want to hide away with it, in misery, instead of seeking help. Poor girl.

Of course, it's a good thing too, as we save a fortune in petrol on (what would be) wasted doctors trips. And the NHS must save a lot of time too.

[HoneyLove]

That's really common with health anxiety Husband, there are many members here who struggle with the same fear of having the worst confirmed so they constantly worry about their health but are too afraid to go to the doctor. Health anxiety takes many forms, and none of them are rational.

Is your wife getting any help for the HA?

[TheHusband]

My wife is on Cilatopram, but sometimes tries a year without it. She's not really trying very hard at the CBT (my cruel, but realistic opinion, which I keep to myself).

I do kinda understand why she fears the doctors appointments...but I think that reveals how she actually knows she isn't ill, secretly, somewhere deep in her brain. She knows she doesn't need to go. Because when she DOES have a real illness, she IS able to go to the doctors. So this proves she knows the difference! If only there was some way this weird fact could be used to help her anxiousness.

---------- Post added at 13:24 ---------- Previous post was at 13:21 ----------

However, I started this thread to get ideas on how to speak to 10yr old - and throughout their next ten years - in order to arm them against developing anxiety conditions. If you can do CBT to retrain your brain, you can surely use the same lessons in advance to train it properly to start with, and hopefully avoid developing the wrong way of thinking? Better that then wait for the breakdown and then try to pick up the pieces.

I need to think along the same lines with my other daughter, who is displaying the same minor low-level OCD behaviours which me/brother/wife all had. I want her to know that some people end up ruled by their thoughts, and that she needs to guard against it. This is much milder and probably won't ruin her life in the same way as anxiety...but I can see it holding her back later as she looks to be worse than I am.

In both causes (HA and OCD) I'm not saying you can make the problem go away just by thinking about it...but surely it is reasonable to think that arming yourself ahead of time will minimise the misery? Is there a way to notice the wild emotions which you get, and learn that they are not always real?

[Humly]

I am sure there must be a way of doing it in a gentle manner but I dont know myself. Are there any books out there that might help.

[Petesy]

My mother suffered from anxiety & panic attacks for more than half her life and she told me the first 20 years were hell on earth for her now she copes remarkably well without medication at all and she never took any either.

I'm the eldest out of three and once I was old enough to understand what she was going through and coming without fail to her becking call when the panic attacks were to much!! i seen it first hand and remained calm for my mother when deep down inside I was fearful just incase it wasn't panic (even though it was) as soon as i hit 18 yrs old I had my first panic attack in a packed stadium, I'm now 31 and still suffer terribly with my anxiety disorder, my sister is a year younger and brother 8 years younger both of them are ok, so I guess it picked me :-(

I really do think past on some away or another.

Great post ;-)

Petesy.