On holiday with health anxiety

[googler192]

Hello everyone.

I'm currently on a family holiday and I am extremely anxious. I've got a phobia of HIV and although I got a test done at 2 weeks which came back clear (which is expected at 2 weeks) and the doctor reassured me that although she isn't allowed to tell me that it's impossible she said that my chances are ridiculously slim after one unprotected sex exposure to a white British male of 22 (I don't know what his HIV status is but he reassured me that he wouldn't sleep with me if he had anything) I am still very very panicy that I have got it.

I am very tired, have a headache and a gland is swollen at the base of my neck where it meets my shoulder on my right hand side. I am also very achey. I can't help but think the worst. The swollen glands in my neck are worrying me the most. To the point of frequent panic attacks.

We're in Mexico and the heat is ridiculous and that doesn't seem to be helping my anxiety but telling my family about how anxious I actually am isn't an option. I can't sleep or eat or enjoy anything and that's upsetting me more than anything. I feel so helpless out here and didn't know where else to turn.

[luc]

Hi Googler,

You said it, you have a phobia - an IRRATIONAL fear re HIV. You must read other peoples posts and think if only they could see that the have got more chance of being hit by a tornado than getting, HIV, toxic poisoning etc. I am reading your post and thinking just that as was the doctor but he could not say that. From someone who has been in your position so many times whilst on holiday Please, please try to relax.

[TheHusband]

It is not possible to diagnose HIV in yourself when you are a not a doctor. Your symptoms point to a variety of less scary causes, plenty of which are just "a bit run down" or "too stressed".

Think of what a wonderful opportunity this holiday is to have a rest from the stresses of work/school/cleaning/paperwork. Its your one chance to put your feet up and let the stress leave you. Don't squander that by letting a new stress consume you. Have you learned any techniques to calm yourself during periods of anxiety?

[googler192]

Thank you both so much for replying. I have been so upset these past two days worrying about the worst case scenario and thinking about how I am possibly going to tell my parents the horrible news if and when my results come through as positive. I can't relax at all and I am wishing it were time to go to bed everyday so I can get a few hours where I do to have to think about it and I can just sleep. I feel so ungrateful that my parents have brought me all this way as a graduation present and I am lying to them about how I'm actually feeling. Everytime I try and talk to my mum about my sore throat or swollen gland she just gets cross, rolls her eyes and tells me that I need to calm down and it's only my 'stupid' health anxiety and that I'm being irrational. I know I am but there is constantly the little niggling doubt in my mind that there will be something seriously wrong. I am punishing myself for what I've done and while it was completely what I wanted at the time I have ruined the holiday of a lifetime because of it.

I think more than anything this teaches me that you can be in the most beautiful place In the world but health anxiety and phobia's never switch off even though you want nothing more in the world. Back to counselling for me when I go home and then back to the clinic.

I hope the weather is shining wherever you are.

[googler192]

Now I have a rash on my chest and a sore throat today! Feeling about an 8 on a scale of one to ten on the anxiety scale. Is it possible to get a sore throat from worrying? And my rash could be heat rash right? God this is awful.

[luc]

How long do you have left on your holiday?

[googler192]

I come home on Saturday

[luc]

So 4 more days. - your on the home run! You can have four more days of shit or you can try your very hardest to relax and enjoy what is left of your holiday. The CHOICE is yours. If you don't do it for yourself do it for your mam and dad. I know it is hard so you are gonna have to give it 100 % effort - see it as a task :hugs:

[Twinsmummy]

Hi
Erm, couldn't it be heat rash and a dry throat from the heat, or the ultra drying effect of air conditioning, plus anxiety on the top. I'm not trying to make light of your anxiety, we all have our triggers, but the excessive heat or air con could explain these symptoms, plus a sore or tight throat is a very common anxiety symptom.

I'm not an expert in HIV but wouldn't it take months, if not years, for you to feel symptoms. It's not like catching flu is it?

I'm not going to advise you to relax, but (and this may only work for me), if I'm spiralling with panic, I try and set a time limit on it, eg I'm going to let myself freak out for another hour and then I'm going to try not to think about it for another 3 days and then I'll think about it again or do something constructive about it. Sometimes it works and the symptom, or whatever I was worrying about, subsides.

I wish you the very best of luck and if all else fails, have a couple of Magarita's and relax that way (am I allowed to say that?!).

X