Please help :(

[Jodie80]

Ok so im 33, in a very long term relationship (15 years) and have a gorgeous 6 year old Son, and 2 lovely doggies :) all in all im a very happy person, I have my fair share of worrying but mostly im happy and I love my life :)..............until recently :(

In Feb of this year I went for my routine smear, I thought nothingof it and went about my life until 4 weeks later I received a letter saying I needed to go to hospital for a colposcopy as a high number of cells were showing as abnormal (severe dyskaryosis), so I went for this colposcopy and had to have treatment there and then (LLETZ), I also had a biopsy! I was told that it was likely that I had a high amount of PRE CANCEROUS cells that needed to be taken away, so I relaxed and thought "dont panic", the results would be back in 5 weeks time!

3 weeks later I get another letter saying an appointment has been made for me to see a consultant and a hospital, my god I feel like my world is crashing down, it has to be cancer, that horrible deathly word CANCER!!! I cant think straight but the days go by and eventually I am at my appointment with my partner!

Im in the consultants office and all I hear is cancer, I have cancer, I did have cancer, I dont know whats going on!!! Lucky my partner is there listening because I have no idea whats going on, all I can hear is cancer....all that's flashing through my head is im going to die and im going to leave my son without a mum.....

Anyway, turns out that I do/did have VERY early stages of cervical cancer that they think they may have taken away when I had the LLETZ done, the consultant is not worried about the cancer CIN as its tiny, minute and will be taken away if it hasnt already been taken away, hes a little more worried that a different form of cancer was found CGIN (I have no idea what all these abbreviations mean, if I google I will throw up so I stay away as best I can), he wanted to do another LLETZ there and then but as it was only four weeks since the last one he said he would leave it until 4th July, when another one would be done along with a biopsy to see if the CGIN had spread a little further, he said he very much doubts it has as it fairly rare but he wouldnt feel comfortable not testing for it!!! He said after the procedure and biopsy are back if all is clear then great but if its not then we would discuss further trestment, one being a hysterectomy!!! He also said if they do come back clear the option for me to have a hystersctomy is still there as CGIN will always return, he said if I was his wife he would recommend having one done!!!!

Ok a huge amount of information!!! We are happy with our one Son, we had trouble conceiving before him so hes like our miracle, so having more children never crossed my mind as I was scarred of miscarrying again, but given the choice of hysterectomy, means I will NEVER have the choice, BUT I need to think of my health more!!! Put my family first, so I will opt for the hysterectomy if (hopefully) my results come back clear!!!

Ok, so now I have the long waiting game (4 weeks until my procedure and the 3 weeks for the results), im sure if the consultant was really worried (I was dying) I wouldnt be waiting around for tests and ops etc....I hope

Since that day (2 days ago), I have felt awful, not me at all, I sweat out, my hands are clammy, I have stomach pains, feel sick, legs feel like jelly, my heart feels like its racing, I cant think straight, my eyes hurt almost like I need to close them and go to sleep, I feel so light headed all the time, like its not me in my body, my mind is else where....I literally feel now and then im going to faint or have a panic attack, and I tremble :( I know I should be grateful I have very early cancer that has an almost 100% survival rate but I just cant get things out of my mind like they are going to find it somewhere else and its going to be worse than it is now, im shaking just writing this.....I go to sleep and I wake up in a panic....I dont know what to do, I feel like this is not happening to me, I cant focus and have a heaviness all over my body!!! Is all this normal, do I need a doctor?? I just want to calm down but I cant :(

Im so sorry this is long but i just need to type and get it all out before I explode, I need to stay away from google.......I need to stop crying :(

Thank you for listening and im sorry if it dont make sense or even if im on the wrong forum, I just need to know these odd feelings and normal!!! I just want me back :(

Jodie x

[tiredofthis14]

hi hun try not to panic
my sister in law went threw exact same thing and she is fine
like you say if they were really concerned you wouldnt be waiting so long so look at that as a positive
its a good thing they caught it early and the symptoms your getting since is where you are worried x

[Tanner40]

Jodie,
You've had an awful lot of information thrown at you in a very short period of time. It is absolutely normal to feel anxious and nervous about the pre-cancerous diagnosis, and the possibility of a hysterectomy. Waiting for a month for treatment and further options is always tough.
It sounds as if you are going to be just fine in the end. Thank goodness, it was all caught in very early stages. All of the anxiety and the physical symptoms that you are describing sound very much anxiety related. I've had all of those symptoms during particularly stressful times.
What types of things are you doing to ease your feelings of anxiety? I find breathing exercises and meditation help me a great deal when I am feeling stresses out. Might give those a try.

[Jodie80]

Thank you for your kind words, im just so up and down at the moment....I burst into tears all the time, I know I am VERY lucky that it is very early stages of cancer, and I feel horrible moaning about it as there are a lot of people worse of than me!

This time a few months ago I was so happy and now I keep having panic attacks that im going to become really ill and leave my Son :( my mind goes into complete over drive (why does it do that :().....I have made up my mind to have a hysterectomy even if it comes back clear, I dont want to have any more risks of it coming back!!!

I take my dogs out a lot at the moment (my partner is usually the doggie walker) I find that helps, as we live next to the sea, the fresh air does me good!! I have heard about breathing methods, I may read up about it.....its so weird how breathing is the most natural thing in the world and just recently I have been forgetting how to do it....my heart races and booms in my chest and that scares me!!

Again thank you for replying, it means a lot xxx

[Panic emily]

I'm new to this site but I joined it for the same issues (cervical cancer) though not that far into it to say I have this. I would like to ease your mind and tell you things that you may have been told a thousand times before, but I find that it's important to remember. The first being that cervical cancer develops very slowly! My grandmother actually was told she had it for years before she found out, and she was fine after treatment in her 40s and is now 80! Cervical cancer also has one of the highest survival rates and caught early enough won't ever pose a threat to your body! All I'm asking is to try not to worry spend time with your child and family and at this point forget about results or anything else and instead of spending time worrying try hard to spend it having a good time with your familY :) you are right though, if indeed it was something that was very serious at that moment they would of already been talking about setting a date for surgery or whatever needs to be done and not make you wait weeks for results! I really do hope that you get good results and that this will all just be a crappy dream soon!