floralgypsy
07-08-04, 03:36
Hello, I have already asked a question in your forums and got a few replies for which I am very thankful, but I thought I would introduce myself when I saw this forum. My name is Charlotte and I am 20 from Oxford. I have always been of the 'worrying' variety and my earliest memory of such was when I was about 8 and I used to have to sleep in my parent's bed because I felt sure that they were going to die. I could be left on my own and hated going to school because I feared something would happen to them and I wanted to be near them 24/7. This was followed by years of generally feeling scared to try things and not fitting in much. I think one of the things that caused my anxiety was the fact that I lacked confidence and always believed that I didn't belong. I was fully grown in height by the time I had turned 15 (which is 5'10'') and felt as though I was literally a freak. I never went to the parties and preferred to be on my own a home because this was where I was safe. Then I was diagnosed with curvature of the spine at 15 (scoliosis) and once again I became concerned with how I looked and got very down. I still wasn't very outgoing at school and developed 'anorexic tendencies' because I basically felt scared and refused to eat.
Switching forward to now, I have had scoliosis surgery to stabilise my spine, I am generally happy with the way I look, but have, for the past few years, started to feel generally worried and anxious again. My main concern was how dizzy I felt. It was always in my mind that I had some kind of terminal disease that was killing me and I refused to do anything about it. I figured that if I avoided the doctors, then they couldn't tell me something that I didn't want to hear. The dizziness started to become more regular and I began avoiding situations just so that I didn't have to feel scared. I wouldn't go somewhere where I had felt dizzy before and avoided the social scene entirely.
Recently I have experienced panic attacks and have tried medication from the doctor such as 'Cipramil' and 'Propranolol'. I avoid doing things through fear of becoming dizzy and when I do, I work myself up into such a state that I get very shaky and just try and curl myself up and pretend that nothing is happening. I dislike leaving the house through fear of being dizzy and as a result, I am fearful nearly every day. I get dizzy occurences so often now, that it becomes a part of my daily routine. I think about it all day and try to prevent myself from doing things as a result.
I have written a letter to my GP but am afraid to post it. It is 03:34 in the morning because I can't sleep and all I want to do is be able to live a normal life and be happy.
Switching forward to now, I have had scoliosis surgery to stabilise my spine, I am generally happy with the way I look, but have, for the past few years, started to feel generally worried and anxious again. My main concern was how dizzy I felt. It was always in my mind that I had some kind of terminal disease that was killing me and I refused to do anything about it. I figured that if I avoided the doctors, then they couldn't tell me something that I didn't want to hear. The dizziness started to become more regular and I began avoiding situations just so that I didn't have to feel scared. I wouldn't go somewhere where I had felt dizzy before and avoided the social scene entirely.
Recently I have experienced panic attacks and have tried medication from the doctor such as 'Cipramil' and 'Propranolol'. I avoid doing things through fear of becoming dizzy and when I do, I work myself up into such a state that I get very shaky and just try and curl myself up and pretend that nothing is happening. I dislike leaving the house through fear of being dizzy and as a result, I am fearful nearly every day. I get dizzy occurences so often now, that it becomes a part of my daily routine. I think about it all day and try to prevent myself from doing things as a result.
I have written a letter to my GP but am afraid to post it. It is 03:34 in the morning because I can't sleep and all I want to do is be able to live a normal life and be happy.