having a hard time

[Worried 24/7]

I'm having a hard night tonight and I am on the verge of crying my eyes out. On top of my health anxiety, I also have the anxiety of taking care of both my small children basically on my own, keeping the house clean and cooking all meals. My husband is the sole provider so acts like that means he doesn't need to do anything when he gets home. I'm overwhelmed, stressed to the max and completely exhausted. I can't remember sleeping through the night in almost 6 years. The house has been falling to pieces lately because the kids go right behind me and destroy it or like I'll finish cooking dinner and be to exhausted to clean the kitchen afterward. I feel like I'm gonna have a mental breakdown and I feel completely beat down by my life. I just need some words of comfort tonight....

[Oosh]

Say you've been to the doctors with exhaustion and doc said you need to rest so you're staying in bed. Put an apron on your husband, poke him in the eye (because it's fun) and go and watch your favourite film in bed haha.

Engineer a break somehow.

Have you tried anything to help you sleep ?

[PanchoGoz]

Hahaha love the advice of Oosh as always.
I think this is the modern day curse of western civilisation...you need some "mummy time" to yourself. A place of tranquility where you know you can be free from every day stresses. Can you make an hour in the day for some mummy time?

[Oosh]

:) :blush: :)

[ankietyjoe]

He does need a prod imo.

Sharing responsibility sometimes means that the share is sometimes 90/10 and other times 50/50

It's teamwork.

[aprilmoon]

I remember times like this when my children were small,although my husband,thankfully,did get involved in the work,but when you're sooo tired and its all getting to you.
First thing is to prioritize. Kids are fed and clean,bathroom and kitchen hygenic,not immaculate. Your husband can sort himself out,and let him.
Once he's home,leave him in charge,and either soak in the bath with the radio on to drown other noises out,or take yourself away from the situation, and go for a walk or visit a friend or family member and try and switch off for a while.
Try and do something just for you.:)

[Worried 24/7]

The problem is that he gets home at like 630PM and goes to bed between 730 and 800PM so if I ask him to do anything he's like, Well I gotta shower and this and that and then I gotta go to bed! So there really is no time whatsoever for me to have alone time. If I ask to go to the store he tells me I have to hurry up so I feel rushed the whole time. And because he get's up at 130AM to go to his second job, I am always responsible for any nightime children duties....

[aprilmoon]

I would then go to bed when the children do,to maximize the opportunity for sleep.
Keep meals simple,and only do the essential stuff.
The children won't always be this small,it does get easier.
Maybe when they're a bit older,you can get a job and he can reduce his hours.
Take care

[spuder]

Sounds like my husband he does all sorts of shifts and when I lived with him he always made me cook clean we r still together but don't live together

[Worried 24/7]

I just feel completely overwhelmed. I don't feel it's fair that I am expected to literally do everything regarding cleaning, cooking and child-rearing. I know that him working two jobs is very demanding, but I am just so exhausted constantly and don't hardly know how to function anymore.

[Carnation]

Hi,

Are you sure its just exhaustion? Maybe you might feel a little used or lacking in quality of life? A lot of people get tiredness mixed up with boredom. It seems to me that you feel like you are being taken for granted?

Can you not suggest that maybe one night you all go out for that 1 hour slot, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it will be a change for you and no washing-up. And by the sounds of it, it seems like you have no time with your partner; quality time. If you have time at the week-end, can you not get out in this lovely sun and have a picnic and feed the ducks or something? Forgive me, but I don't know your full circumstances but I think you need some TLC and a break from the dull-drums.:hugs:

[Lyn89]

How old are your kids? When we were little and my mum had depression as well as being the sole carer while my dad was at work, she made a chores chart /star reward system for doing them for us. It got us to behave, help with the housework, and made her life a lot easier because we would be occupied and the housework would get done (the jobs we could do anyway) and we would get a star for it. then on Saturday morning if we did all the chores she would put a treat outside our rooms for when we got up. Doesn't have to be big or expensive--just the work/reward feeling worked really well. Not sure if this is something you could try, but it really would get a load off your back. As for anxiety advice, rather than worrying that it will overwhelm you, ask yourself who -wouldn't- feel overwhelmed by the amount you have to do? Your reaction and feelings are very normal. Anyone without anxiety would be stressed too. Try being kinder to yourself. I would talk to your husband as well, but I'm not married and can't give advice in that department. I hope things improve for you. You may be struggling now, but it's a battle you're making uphill rather than downhill--things will get better. Hang in there :)

[Worried 24/7]

I like the reward system idea and I'll try that :-) as for talking to my husband, I have. Again and again. He basically said to me at one point that if he didn't have to work two jobs because I don't work then he would have time to help out. I kindly reminded him that he didn't help before he got the second job. I also offer all the time to go back to work but then he reminds me that by the time we got a second car, insured and gassed that car and paid a sitter, my check would pretty much be gone. So I basically feel like I can't win either way. Like, don't make me feel bad for not working and then tell me I can't work....He'll watch the kids on the weekends but if I go do something, even if he doesn't have plans, I'm always pressured to get home as soon as I can. So it's not very relaxing.

---------- Post added at 19:03 ---------- Previous post was at 18:58 ----------


Hi,

Are you sure its just exhaustion? Maybe you might feel a little used or lacking in quality of life? A lot of people get tiredness mixed up with boredom. It seems to me that you feel like you are being taken for granted?

Can you not suggest that maybe one night you all go out for that 1 hour slot, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it will be a change for you and no washing-up. And by the sounds of it, it seems like you have no time with your partner; quality time. If you have time at the week-end, can you not get out in this lovely sun and have a picnic and feed the ducks or something? Forgive me, but I don't know your full circumstances but I think you need some TLC and a break from the dull-drums.:hugs:

I for sure feel used. All the time. And I definitely could use a change from the day to day but we can't ever afford to go out to eat. Money is very tight all the time which is another stress. I love having picnics but that's not really less work because I have to make and pack everything. It would be DIFFERENT though which would be nice :-) I appreciate your advice.

[Catherine S]

Hi, I don't want to sound like i'm getting at you because i'm truly not and I remember well how looking after children full-time can feel, but you say your husband has two jobs and has to get up again at 1.30am to go to his second job? I'd say he's doing the best he can to be fair to him, if he's holding down two jobs to look after you all. Your 'me time' will come when the children are old enough to go to school, unfortunately looking after them is what we sign up for when we have them and some dads have to work all hours outside of the house, and some moms have work all hours inside the house...such is life sometimes. At least you know where he is, either working or sleeping...he's not propping up a bar somewhere. Don't you have family nearby who could help you out, or a friend who could sit with the children while you go and do your thing?

ISB x

[Worried 24/7]

No disrespect to you, but you don't know my back story. I am fully aware he works a lot. But I work all day taking care of the house and kids and then at night as well. My job doesn't end. Ever. And even when weboth worked the deal was the working one can't home and gave the other a 'me break'. Now that he's the only one working, that has gone out the window. And if he does give me a break, it's a 'better hurry up and do what you gotta do' break. But I'm sorry I even posted this as apparently I am just being selfish for wanting a break ever. Since he works two jobs then I guess I just shouldn't expect any help.

[Catherine S]

I don't think anybody is saying you're selfish. Looking after children can be hard work and overwhelming especially if you miss working outside the home enviroment, and I guess being left to run the house alone when you have a husband is worse than having to run a house alone as a single parent for example. Maybe its time to sit down with your hubby and have a really good talk about the situation.

ISB x

[Carnation]

I think you were quite right to post your thread Worried 24/7, you obviously need help and guidance and you don't know which way to turn. Thinking about it more clearly, I don't think a momentary change is going to be any good to you. What you need is back up and Company to share the load. Can you get friendly with another family and slowly build up a good relationship so you can share the duties and workload together. Don't know how old your children are, but that shouldn't be relevant here. I think you need a good mate to have a laugh with and support you. I know my Mum couldn't do it when she was recovering from Cancer. Her Husband was working all hours, didn't do anything at home and all their money went on the mortgage and paying bills. My Mum got friendly with a neighbour and she said she wouldn't have got through it without her and they had a good laugh together too. Just a thought? :hugs:

[Worried 24/7]

Thank you for the advice. I think I do need to get some help from someone somewhere before I completely buckle under everything.

[trish1955]

Sounds like my husband he does all sorts of shifts and when I lived with him he always made me cook clean we r still together but don't live together

I has been married to my hubby for twenty eight years we lived apart for five years in1995 to 2000 we got on slot better to be honest my three youngest were 1yr 4yr 7yr old had two older daughters 12 and13 but I wish we stayed tat way many times lol he expects me to look after him the way I looked after the kids still doesbxx

[UKmamainUS]

I truly get where you are coming from. Fortunately, my hubby is helpful - unfortunately, he works in DC and we live in Colorado, so it's not like he can help out. I haveNO family here at all, so it is all down to me. I have a three year old and homeschool my six year old. I am constantly exhausted and think this Is a huge part of my anxiety. Overwhelmed exhausted, no time to myself. I had a dental appt the other day and had to take the kids - it was disaster pus - my kids got bored and just humiliated me with their behavior (they're not always like that, but they miss daddy too and some days are just hard), I came home and just sobbed. I felt so alone, In a country I never really feel I belong in.

I am very much against using TV as a babysitter, I have learned that a well timed movie gives me enough time to do the dishes and maybe even get a few minutes rest (or the change to go to the bathroom without an audience),

Good luck. I know it is hard, I live a version of your life.