View Full Version : Life ? what life
I hate myself. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror as I know what I see will only trigger anxiety or that old black dog aka depression. I'm tired of being bored on my days off. I'm a good person but where has that got me in life ? Bad luck just follows me everywhere I go. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother staying away from alcohol and drugs because they were the only things that helped me get out of myself. It's not like I got friends so what does it matter if I do something stupid like drink or take drugs ? It's not like I'm going to act silly and ring friends up when high or drunk. Being stuck in this house all day ain't good for me but what does it matter ? I end up doing all the things that are bad for me anyway. I feel sick with disgust when I read about people expressing there love for a God that they will never meet. This so called God is supposed to be all loving and caring , oh yeah , so where is he when we cry day after day begging for strength to get through the next minutes let alone a day. Ever seen Taxi Driver with Robert De Nero ? I can relate to that character because like he says there's going to be a day when the rain wipes out all the crap and he is God's lonely man. That's who I am. God's lonely man.
ankietyjoe
09-06-14, 10:49
Ever seen Taxi Driver with Robert De Nero ?
Yep
He was a self absorbed psychopath.
Dave I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I've often thought about giving up on life. I would lay in my bed wishing for an end. I believe in God but I would wonder where he was and even curse him. We can't rely on god or anyone else to get through these hard times. We have to do it ourselves. Staying off of drugs and alcohol is for you and no one else. I know you don't believe it but things will get better, you have to hold on. Focus on the things that make you happy even if they are little things.
Nothing gets easier. It just becomes easier to lie that you are doing better.
You have got to make a change Dave. You need to get out there and bring other people into your life but you can't because you're scared. That's why you are stuck. I've been there.
Make contact with other people and start to feel better about yourself and other people. If there's no meets nearby travel further. Meeting a group from here regularly would be so good for you.
Join clubs and groups in your area. Walking, anything.
Start a nightschool course or one that runs for a few hours at weekends to get you around other people. Cooking, a language, a skill, anything. There'll be others just like you there looking to get back amongst people.
Volunteer for something with your weekends.
I've known loads of people who when lonely joined these travel or hiking clubs to make friends and meet partners. My sister did it, I knew a girl who did it to meet a partner because of a nasty break up in London. She was gorgeous, single and looking for friends or ideally a partner. That's why people do these things.
Hiking clubs can contain older people sometimes too who are mature, nice, cool people who'll be nice to you.
You have got to make a change Dave. Everything else will take care of itself.
Your problems exist because you're stuck at home isolated and scared to trust people and make some good friends that you NEED.
Drinking isn't going to change that, contemplating how crap god is isn't going to change that.
I know you've tried to meet people on the meet ups board here, keep trying. Go to an arranged meet up.
edwardthebear
09-06-14, 13:20
I have felt the same sort of emotions as you many times & I am sure lots of others on here have too. Alcohol and drugs are not the answer and will only lead you into a downward spiral you will probably never come out of.
I can only echo what Oosh says about you trying to get out and interact more, I know it is difficult when you are not in a good state of mind but sometimes you have to force yourself.
shannabanna
09-06-14, 13:31
Dave please know you are not alone. :-(
What does it matter ? Seriously I've learnt that positive actions do not always guarantee positive results. People often say 'you get what you put in' so I once put everything into a friendship I was a proper friend and I get betrayed by them so now I'm sat thinking , 'I get what I put in'. Hmmm I smell a rat. Someone has to be telling porkies. I know it ain't me. If there is one lesson I've learnt in life it's this... when you constantly have bad things in your life it's always going to be that way and no matter how hard you try to change it won't work , it just is that way.
Walking clubs
http://www.ramblers.co.uk/groups/groupInfo.php?group=SR
Courses
http://scola.misportal.net/coursefinder/(S(mrcg2ii0rn4la1ngjcgaoxgd))/index.aspx
Me do a course ? I've done 3. Didn't complete 1 !
Rennie1989
09-06-14, 13:54
I will have severe episodes of depression for the rest of my life, no matter what I do or change.
But that has not stopped me getting married, having fun with friends, finding a good job and returning to education to better myself. I write books knowing that they are unlikely to get published, but I still write them because I love writing. I have learnt that I could either stop living and let this illness take over me or I could make the most of the my short time on this earth and make a positive difference to those I love and to those who require my help.
Life is what YOU make it.
I'm sorry for feeling hopeless and not being perfect like yourself
Rennie1989
09-06-14, 14:03
I am FAR from perfect. You missed my point completely.
ankietyjoe
09-06-14, 14:19
I'm sorry for feeling hopeless and not being perfect like yourself
Stop feeling so sorry for yourself would be a good start.
Honestly you use this place like some sort of personal blog, expressing your 'deep' thoughts and feelings.
As has been mentioned, what happens to you is up to you.
And life isn't fair. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Well judging by everyones threads , including yours , we all use it to express ourselves. I was waiting for the 'stop feeling sorry for yourself' brigade to come on here and out you pop alky joe. Oh by the way I've already got a toaster cheers anyway son
Life isn't fair or unfair, it just is. Life is what you make of it. Life has no meaning except the meaning you lend to it. Nothing will change unless you change it. Don't allow bad experiences to teach you to become a victim, use them to learn and grow instead.
Stop thinking of yourself as a victim, the world against you. Instead be proactive about making yourself happy, it's the only thing you can do.
---------- Post added at 14:32 ---------- Previous post was at 14:30 ----------
I was waiting for the 'stop feeling sorry for yourself' brigade to come on here and out you pop alky joe.
What is it that you'd like from people instead?
What Rennie says is true Dave.
If you had any idea what has happened to me and my family over the last couple of years I think your jaw would drop to the floor.
But I still get up in the mornings,often wondering how I'll cope with the day,because the alternative of giving in is worse.
I do believe there is a God,and I don't think that there's anything that you've experienced that Jesus didn't in his lifetime.
I know of lots of things that you could be doing that would help other people,and make you feel better about the world.
Wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere,and please don't take that as an attack,I know from personal experience.
What do you want from people Dave?! What exactly can anyone do to help you if you just throw it back in people's faces all the time? You're not doing yourself any favours. I've seen you drag yourself down through your daily threads over the last few months, more and more meaningless ponderings - you think yourself into a massive hole and then plop yourself there and think about how bad things are some more. Why.
Perhaps it's bad for you to write your thoughts down like this all the time, perhaps that just perpetuates this negetive cycle.
Dave, hang in there, try staying positive. I know it's not easy. Watch something on tv that'll cheer you up, a comedy maybe ? There are many hobbies you can do at home, try looking online for ideas and just try one or two, you might be surprised.
Sometimes I'll watch funny clips on youtube, that cheers me up or playing on my playstation, spending time or playing with my dog. Being this negative is not helping you, sorry don't mean to be rude. We ALL have bad phases in our lives, thats just the way it is, thats life. Please don't feel like you're the only one because you're definitely not :)
We can only give you support and our advice, the rest is entirely down to you (just as it is with all of us) you're capable of more than you think, you just need to break that barrier, are you seeing a therapist ?
Sorry if I was rude with what I've said I'm only trying to help :doh:
MRS STRESS ED
09-06-14, 15:49
Hi dave really sorry to hear how your feeling ,life is crap at times love ,but it doesnt always have to be this way ,I dont no what help you have had ,but just try and break the vicious circle your in get out more ,Its always worse when your sat there on your own your mind ticking away ,stay positive love it really can get better you really got to push for it xx
Take away the first three words of your first post for a start.
Why don't you put the valuable experience of doing without the booze to good use?
You've managed to do what an awful lot of people can't,and the way you're feeling now might have something to do with how you've been able to,so put it to good use and help someone who's struggling,what have you got to lose?:)
ankietyjoe
09-06-14, 19:23
I was waiting for the 'stop feeling sorry for yourself' brigade to come on here
Probably in the same way you wait for security guards to single you out is shops as you square up to them 'looking all hard'.
Honestly, life has a habit of being what you believe it will be. And you believe you're a victim of some sort.
I'm no victim and nor have I ever claimed to be ? I was just simply stating how I felt at that time but I have no idea why you commented if you don't like my posts ? Looking for an argument ? You did say life has a way of giving you what you look for...
ankietyjoe
09-06-14, 19:42
I'm Geoff, 42.
Believe me I'm not looking for an argument on an internet forum Dave, 27.
Hi Dave,
I'll preface this by saying I'm not looking to be confrontational nor am I looking for a fight either. I'm stating this as an observation.
I've said this before in response to one of your posts. It seems that many times you come on, express your thoughts and ask for advice as most all here do. People take the time and respond with what I and others will say is pretty good advice. Most of the time, your response is to counter it or dismiss it saying you can't do "this" or "that" or not respond at all.
Many times as well, your posts are negative or confrontational in nature. I don't know what you're agenda is, but responses like your response to Rennie and ankietyjoe are not warranted nor necessary.
Perhaps you should take this into consideration. In real life as on an internet forum, negativity begets negativity.
Good luck and "positive" thoughts
I'm no victim and nor have I ever claimed to be ?
Dave, it's written inbetween the lines of your posts that you have a victim mentality about your place in the world and what life throws at you. It's written in the title of this thread. It's about how you view the world and yourself in it. It's a common thing with anxiety sufferers, I've been there myself, it's essential to recognise it if you'd truly like to heal and move on.
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