HOCD or am I gay

[Fong]

Hi all!
I'm a high school guy and new here and wondering if someone could help me with this. A few months ago a stray thought popped into my head that I could be gay,I ignored it for a while but then it came back and its been making me anxious and doubt myself. I've been straight my whole life,my first ever crush was in kindergarten on a GIRL. Then junior school up until high school now(I've had so many crushes on girls) It has gotten so bad I have to check myself to see if I'm attracted by guys(which I'm not!!) I've never had a crush or been attracted to guys. This has made my last few months HORRIBLE. This is also stressing me out more because I'm currently writing exams at the moment. Can someone tell me what's wrong with me? My desire and attraction to girls is also fading and on freaking out and panicking!!!

[true nature]

Hi Fong,
welcome to NMP. From reading what you experienced, I don't think there's something 'wrong' with you. You seem to be really upset about this thought of yours which suggested to you that you could be gay; but ask yourself this: why does it upset me? Why do I fear being gay (or even the thought of being it)?
Being gay/bisexual/transgender is a normal thing, it's just our prejudiced society that wants us to believe it is some kind of abnormity. The fact that your attraction to girls is fading could be a side effect of your panicking. I know it is easier said than done, but try to relax and give yourself some time to sort out your thoughts and feelings.

All the best to you :)

[Fong]

Thanks for the reply, I did some thinking and figured out the reason it upsets me is that for me it isn't normal me,if I were gay I wouldn't be able to marry a woman and have a family, and that's what I want in the future.

[AnxietyDJ]

There's really no right or wrong thing... Just do whatever makes you happy, whether that's being with a man, woman, trans or nobody at all... Don't feel pressured to conform to a certain stereotype, or beat yourself up for considering your sexuality - it is perfectly natural :)

Most importantly, take care of yourself!

[sdd]

Ocd does come in the form of questioning your sexual orientation. I have heard of this with many people. I actually had this form of Ocd for a short while myself.

[jb569]

Hi,

As an openly gay 19 year old who suffers from OCD, Aspergers, Panic Disorder and Depression I can tell you this: people who suffer intrusive thoughts about being a murderer or a paedophile are often afraid that they will ostracised because of the nature of their thoughts and feel overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame (may I add that these people, such as myself, who suffer these unpleasant thoughts will not turn into a paedophile or murderer because the feelings of guilt and intense fear they experience are indicative of the fact that they are not going to carry out these things). However, being gay or bisexual is a universal thing and it's widely accepted in the UK and I see you're from South Africa which is one of the more tolerant countries in Africa towards homosexuality. From the sound of your post, you are ruminating too much about it and it's most likely the reason why initiating relationships with women has become an obstacle for you. I personally don't think you are gay, but ask yourself this: 'what would be the worst that could happen if I came to terms with being gay?'. If you did happen to become gay (which I very much doubt will happen to you), you would still experience a certain level of happiness, acceptance within yourself and your friends and family would not ostracise you, but still accept you nonetheless. So when you get these intrusive thoughts, don't try to combat them otherwise you be in a perpetual snowball effect. Just experience the thoughts and reply 'whatever'. And try thinking to yourself 'if I am gay, I will still have friends and I will still be me'. I'd also suggest talking to a counsellor to make your concerns more open and pave the way for recovery.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

[b0yer]

HOCD. I have dealt with this myself. It sounds like HOCD but I am not a professional.

Just accept the thoughts that you could be gay and if you are, then no worries. But seeing as there is a lot of anxiety surrounding these thoughts, you seem to me that you are not gay.

People that are gay and are hiding it do it for religious or family reasons for the most part, but they WANT to be gay and they WANT those visions. It seems like you do not which indicates to me that you are not.

I am not a professional, but have been through this myself. Nobody in the world is 100% straight or 100% gay. You can see an attractive male and appreciate it and not be gay. Just like a gay man can see a pretty woman and not be straight.