Ollie28
10-06-14, 19:52
Evening all,
I just wanted to let off a bit of steam, it's been the worst 9 months of my life and I'm really struggling now to see a way out for me.
I'm going through a horrible state of feeling locked or trapped in my own mind,
I have feelings of my mind is locked, it feels fatigued, it feels as if I have to use my conscious mind for everything I do wich is possibly making it feel fatigued and then making it feel locked. I just feel like I'm going around in my head in circles and I'm stuck like this - I find it's like having my mind as an elastic band - I can latch on to something like watching tv or listening to my kids/wife and start to concentrate (that's the band starting to stretch) then within about 10 seconds I've got lost in my own head and my mind resets but resets back to me or it (that's the band snapping back) it's then feels like the last 10 seconds didn't happen so it's only like I'm here or I feel aware when using my conscious mind for them 10 or seconds then it resets and I start again. I cant fully relax or concentrate, I start to panic I'm stuck like this - I feel lost and I feel totally out of control of my future or even the next day due this effecting the way I function. It's effecting my personality, I find it hard to have a conversation I either can't take in what the persons saying or can't reply to carry the conversation on, the worst thing about this is I'm missing my children, my wife and my life!! I just can't do anything although I do try it's hard because I struggle to remember, I think this is leading to depression or could it be depression and I'm just trying to fight the symptoms I don't know 8-(
I had a MRI yesterday so awaiting my results encase it's neurological but I've a feeling it's physiological but I haven't I clue how I'm going to escape this. I've started CBT but so far I'm struggling to follow what she's telling me like it's bouncing off my head and away because my brain won't take it In when like this which is 24/7 yet I have these moments where it all goes away and I feel and can think relaxed, outward, forwards & perfect myself - it happens today after a day of feeling like I was mentally disabled and I had a lump of fatigued concrete for a brain and had no external awareness out of no where I come alive and felt perfect for all of 20 mind then it went - I honestly couldn't imaging a better way to tortchure someone because it's hell!! I've been told it's server DP from constant inward thinking but it's so extreme I've honestly thought the only way out from this trapped hell is suicude I just don't have it in me. - I would never even right this on a forum if I felt myself normal but I honestly feel like I'm being trapped and tortchure by my own mind and I'm starting to feel suffocated by worry, panic and being locked in.
I spent 35 minutes taking to a woman yesterday for the first 10 mins I was ok the other 25 it was like it was all hitting my brain and bouncing off not a word went in I had to pretend I was listening! Not because I wasn't interested it was because I just couldn't. I noticed today my back and posture has started to slump over - I was getting back ach if I was to stand straight in my normal stance so had to lean to relieve the strain (could be just me being paranoid) it did hurt though....Ive gone from installing & servicing thousands of £ worth if technical gas appliances around the uk to struggling to wire a plug up like I don't have it in my mind power I have to think hard and even then it's a conscious hard thought.
Frustrated & worried! 8-( every night I go to bed is like it was all just a dream! Il be ok tomorrow...... De ja vou every day & night and it's getting to me now.
Thanks for reading - any help is much appriciated in this horrible, terrifying situation I'm experiencing. I thought its a OCD of me & my anxiety so I'm stuck on me or in my mind because of I'm obsessed with it 24/7? I don't know anymore.
I just wanted to let off a bit of steam, it's been the worst 9 months of my life and I'm really struggling now to see a way out for me.
I'm going through a horrible state of feeling locked or trapped in my own mind,
I have feelings of my mind is locked, it feels fatigued, it feels as if I have to use my conscious mind for everything I do wich is possibly making it feel fatigued and then making it feel locked. I just feel like I'm going around in my head in circles and I'm stuck like this - I find it's like having my mind as an elastic band - I can latch on to something like watching tv or listening to my kids/wife and start to concentrate (that's the band starting to stretch) then within about 10 seconds I've got lost in my own head and my mind resets but resets back to me or it (that's the band snapping back) it's then feels like the last 10 seconds didn't happen so it's only like I'm here or I feel aware when using my conscious mind for them 10 or seconds then it resets and I start again. I cant fully relax or concentrate, I start to panic I'm stuck like this - I feel lost and I feel totally out of control of my future or even the next day due this effecting the way I function. It's effecting my personality, I find it hard to have a conversation I either can't take in what the persons saying or can't reply to carry the conversation on, the worst thing about this is I'm missing my children, my wife and my life!! I just can't do anything although I do try it's hard because I struggle to remember, I think this is leading to depression or could it be depression and I'm just trying to fight the symptoms I don't know 8-(
I had a MRI yesterday so awaiting my results encase it's neurological but I've a feeling it's physiological but I haven't I clue how I'm going to escape this. I've started CBT but so far I'm struggling to follow what she's telling me like it's bouncing off my head and away because my brain won't take it In when like this which is 24/7 yet I have these moments where it all goes away and I feel and can think relaxed, outward, forwards & perfect myself - it happens today after a day of feeling like I was mentally disabled and I had a lump of fatigued concrete for a brain and had no external awareness out of no where I come alive and felt perfect for all of 20 mind then it went - I honestly couldn't imaging a better way to tortchure someone because it's hell!! I've been told it's server DP from constant inward thinking but it's so extreme I've honestly thought the only way out from this trapped hell is suicude I just don't have it in me. - I would never even right this on a forum if I felt myself normal but I honestly feel like I'm being trapped and tortchure by my own mind and I'm starting to feel suffocated by worry, panic and being locked in.
I spent 35 minutes taking to a woman yesterday for the first 10 mins I was ok the other 25 it was like it was all hitting my brain and bouncing off not a word went in I had to pretend I was listening! Not because I wasn't interested it was because I just couldn't. I noticed today my back and posture has started to slump over - I was getting back ach if I was to stand straight in my normal stance so had to lean to relieve the strain (could be just me being paranoid) it did hurt though....Ive gone from installing & servicing thousands of £ worth if technical gas appliances around the uk to struggling to wire a plug up like I don't have it in my mind power I have to think hard and even then it's a conscious hard thought.
Frustrated & worried! 8-( every night I go to bed is like it was all just a dream! Il be ok tomorrow...... De ja vou every day & night and it's getting to me now.
Thanks for reading - any help is much appriciated in this horrible, terrifying situation I'm experiencing. I thought its a OCD of me & my anxiety so I'm stuck on me or in my mind because of I'm obsessed with it 24/7? I don't know anymore.