PDA

View Full Version : Help with mourning...?



Wintear
11-06-14, 03:08
It's been three months since my Uncle passed away at the young and prime age of 58. He went peacefully in his sleep.

He was my best friend. Literally.

I'm at a loss, even now. I had no idea his passing would overwhelm me this much. It seems as time goes on, the deeper this ongoing, searing pain cuts.

I wanted to have a beer with him on my 21st Birthday and talk all night long, just the two of us. He was the life of the party. A man whom I looked up to and admired the most. He was always there for me and my family through thick and thin. Hell, when we were flat broke one time and had no food in to eat, he took me and my Mother food shopping. He didn't want to be paid back, either. He said so long as there was food in our stomachs for the day, that was payment enough. He was so selfless...stern, wise, respectful, and above all else, fun. So, so much fun to be around. You could talk to this guy about ANYTHING under the sun. He was the open-minded type.

I think about him every single day. Not a moment passes that his face doesn't pop into my head. I can't shake it simply because I don't want to. Who would ever want to forget such an honorable human being...?

What hurts the most is how and when I was informed of his departure form this life. I was walking back home from going to the store for my Mother. Something inside of me told me "you should get in contact with your uncles more often, you know." I agreed with this gut feeling and was all set to make plans when I walked through the door and heard the news. No sooner did I walk to the top of the stairs....and then, boom. There it was. News that shook my very being and made the very core of my spirit go numb. I was in total shock and disbelief...so I attempted to block it out time and time again up until I attended his memorial service. That's when I was struck bluntly with the harsh reality of things. It was an open-casket viewing. I did not know this until I turned the corner and seen his body first hand, with my own two eyes. It was a difficult service to get through. Quite possibly the most emotionally challenging hurtle that I had to muster up the entirety of my strength to clear.

Nothing's been the same ever since, you know? There's this "something's missing" feeling that, no matter what I try to fill it with, does not go away.

I don't know...maybe I'm asking for too much on here. But, this has caused me a great deal of suffering in every sense imaginable.

Similar stories..? Suggestions/advice? If anyone out there can relate...please, don't be a stranger. Any feedback whatsoever would be greatly appreciated...you have no idea.

I feel like I lost my very own Father, man...
(As me and my real "Father" do not get along at all and have never had a sturdy relationship...)

puppymomma
11-06-14, 05:50
Hi Wintear, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm new here and your post caught my attention right away. I lost my momma in Dec to a hard 8 1/2 yr battle of colon cancer. Its so hard losing your best friend. I moved back home when she was diagnosed and I'm so glad I did. She was a wonderful person always wanted to help others even when she was miserable,sick and exhausted. She would always be the one who helped me through my panic attacks since age 11. Since she's been gone I feel so lost, though i have my dad and 2 brothers,its just different they think anxiety can just be switched off. The panic attacks have returned with a vengeance, they happen all during the day even while eating,or waking up having them while sleeping. I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Wintear
11-06-14, 06:18
Thank you for the response, Puppy.

My anxiety has been zeroing in on the thought of losing everybody else who's close to me, like my Mom.
I couldn't imagine losing her, too. I don't know what I would do. I strongly doubt I'd be able to keep a level head...
I feel for you as my anxiety and panic is generalized, so as you probably already know, it NEVER goes away. It's there all the time...we just learn to "cope" but...just barely.
Sending Peace & Love your way, friend.....

lesleya
11-06-14, 06:54
Im so sorry for your loss I really do feel for you.
I lost my brother in law 23 months ago, my beautiful dad 18 months ago and my father in law 17 months ago and I miss each and every one of them for all different reasons every single waking moment, but, especially my dad he was my world and I was the only one with him when he passed away which is something that sticks in your head and doesn't go away...for me it was the most gut wrenching moment of my life and itll never ever leave me...I was with my brother in law and father in law when they passed away too as we nursed them both at home but maybe it'll sound selfish but the memory of my dads passing stays with me most because I just simply adored him
I know how you must be feeling and theres nothing anyone can say or do that will make your sadness go away or make you feel any better....but its not something I think you do want to go away because what your feeling shows the deep respect you had for him and the deep loss of someone you loved, looked up to and cherished and its only natural youll feel this way its part of the healing process.
Unfortunately the only thing that helps is time ... don't get me wrong youll never forget them or feel sad knowing theyre not there for you...but..as each day passes youll find you remember more and more of the happy times and happy memories and the many many reasons why you loved them so much, and that does give you a little peace of mind.
I still visit my dads grave as much as I can and I sit on the bench near him and talk to him and tell him things that's happening and eventhough I know hes not there in body his sprit is there with me and I know he wouldn't want me to be so sad because that's just the kind of man he was and the last thing hed have wanted for me.
Sorry if ive gone on and I don't know if what ive said helps as im not the best for putting feelings into words but I just wanted to let you know that your not alone and we care when someone else is hurting.
At the end of the day we're all here to support each other and just letting someone know you care does help
xxx