psychadelic-brie
11-06-14, 09:47
It has been a long time since I have posted on here. I am sorry for not being here to help others, I hope it doesn't make people not want to help me. I am also sorry if this isn't the right forum, although I think it's appropriate.
I have been anxious for almost two years now. I gave up my job because of it. The exact same happened to me when I was 17 (I'm 24 now) for the same amount of time and I had to give my job up then.
I have been doing okay this year really. I have been taking Seroxat/Paxil/Paroxetine since Xmas (as a guess) and I guess I got a bit greedy and convinced myself I wasn't doing well enough when realistically I was going out to the local shops alone and even managed to go to a busy gig and two club nights with my partner, something I didn't think to ever be possible again. But I told myself I wasn't any better as it wasn't enough, I wasn't better. Last week I was given 40mg of Propronolol (beta-blocker). It made me feel absolutely awful, like my entire body was going to collapse. My doctor rang me to say he'd prescribe a much lower dose as he wouldn't normally recommend 40mg in the first go (the original prescriber was a locum doctor). I still didn't feel any better and followed his advice to make an emergency appointment after a few days of the lower dose. The result was that I was told to basically come off all medication except for the pill and an antibiotic I take regularly and my vitamins. I was reluctant. Bear in mind this happened just this Monday. It is only Wednesday and I feel absolutely terrified of everything and anything. In fact, I don't even know why I'm scared. All I know is I didn't want my fiance to leave this morning but I also did because human presence is far too much for me. I am now convinced that the Seroxat was working after all and think that I should start taking it properly again despite my doctor saying otherwise. I am very scared of confrontation so I am worried that he will effectively, tell me off next time I see him. I am currently taking it every other day in the hope to eventually wean myself off it.
My partner has already taken far too much time off to look after me and as much as his work are understanding, I understand he can't do it too much. I actually feel slighter better having just taking my Seroxat for the day. The doctor said he thinks SSRI's for anxiety are mostly placebo. Whether that's true, I don't know, but if it works I don't care. It's really sad I know, but my friends band are playing on Sunday night and I have been looking forward to seeing them for months and months. I missed them playing Bristol last year because of my anxiety. I will be so upset if I can't go as I had been planning on using this event to push myself and go out. Bear in mind my anxiety was bearable when I was planning this. Now I feel there is no hope. I don't know if I will get better. I am scared and depressed.
I am sorry for the long post. I just felt I needed to explain properly. I don't really know what advice I hope to gain. Just some reassurance might be enough. I feel like I'm crumpling.
I have been anxious for almost two years now. I gave up my job because of it. The exact same happened to me when I was 17 (I'm 24 now) for the same amount of time and I had to give my job up then.
I have been doing okay this year really. I have been taking Seroxat/Paxil/Paroxetine since Xmas (as a guess) and I guess I got a bit greedy and convinced myself I wasn't doing well enough when realistically I was going out to the local shops alone and even managed to go to a busy gig and two club nights with my partner, something I didn't think to ever be possible again. But I told myself I wasn't any better as it wasn't enough, I wasn't better. Last week I was given 40mg of Propronolol (beta-blocker). It made me feel absolutely awful, like my entire body was going to collapse. My doctor rang me to say he'd prescribe a much lower dose as he wouldn't normally recommend 40mg in the first go (the original prescriber was a locum doctor). I still didn't feel any better and followed his advice to make an emergency appointment after a few days of the lower dose. The result was that I was told to basically come off all medication except for the pill and an antibiotic I take regularly and my vitamins. I was reluctant. Bear in mind this happened just this Monday. It is only Wednesday and I feel absolutely terrified of everything and anything. In fact, I don't even know why I'm scared. All I know is I didn't want my fiance to leave this morning but I also did because human presence is far too much for me. I am now convinced that the Seroxat was working after all and think that I should start taking it properly again despite my doctor saying otherwise. I am very scared of confrontation so I am worried that he will effectively, tell me off next time I see him. I am currently taking it every other day in the hope to eventually wean myself off it.
My partner has already taken far too much time off to look after me and as much as his work are understanding, I understand he can't do it too much. I actually feel slighter better having just taking my Seroxat for the day. The doctor said he thinks SSRI's for anxiety are mostly placebo. Whether that's true, I don't know, but if it works I don't care. It's really sad I know, but my friends band are playing on Sunday night and I have been looking forward to seeing them for months and months. I missed them playing Bristol last year because of my anxiety. I will be so upset if I can't go as I had been planning on using this event to push myself and go out. Bear in mind my anxiety was bearable when I was planning this. Now I feel there is no hope. I don't know if I will get better. I am scared and depressed.
I am sorry for the long post. I just felt I needed to explain properly. I don't really know what advice I hope to gain. Just some reassurance might be enough. I feel like I'm crumpling.