View Full Version : Irrational HIV fear?
Hi all. Just over a week ago, I went to Planned Parenthood to get a rapid HIV test to put my mind at ease over HIV anxiety I was having. I went in and they did a finger-stick to get blood and perform the test. 20 minutes later I got the results that said I was negative. I was elated, but as I was driving home I got the idea in my head that the nurse might have re-used the finger-prick needle or device that was used on someone else and given me HIV. I have been experiencing anxiety over this for over a week and just want to be able to relax. I am in a committed relationship and have never done drugs. I can't get the idea out of my mind that the finger prick needle could have been accidentally reused on me. I am beating myself up over going in the first place and for not paying more careful attention as to where the finger prick pen device she used came from (if it was new or not). Please help!
There are strict rules in clinics not to reuse needles, and especially used for the purpose of checking for infectious diseases.
Having said that, I too had the exact same irrational HIV fear ! But as you said , it is irrational. I hope you will get over it soon.
I keep thinking that because my finger had a small cut on it instead of a tiny dot, and took a week to heal, that the needle must have been dull or reused. To this day even though it has healed up, it still has an odd sensation. Everyone keeps telling me im fine, but all I can think of is how I destroyed my life and will end up getting HIV
---------- Post added at 03:33 ---------- Previous post was at 03:32 ----------
How did you overcome this fear? I am scared to eve engage in sexual activities with my boyfriend because I am scared I will give him HIV
The prick on my finger also took days to heal, and even then I still had that numb feeling for several days more.
Quick frankly, I was also scared to engage in sexual activities as I had the same fear that I would passed on something to my loved one. It took me quite a while but eventually I convinced myself that my fear was irrational. I did make sure that my annual medical checkup (which happened a few months after the initial finger prick test) include a HIV test, and this time I'm sure the needle is new and fresh. So now I know once and for all that I'm HIV free. And I am confident that I will remain clean.
That makes me feel a little bit better that your finger felt the same way. I do not have any doctors appointments coming up in the near future. Do you think that I have any reason to go back to the Planned Parenthood after 3 months to get another HIV test? Or should I just drop the entire thing completely and forget about it?
I suppose I'm not in a position to give medical advice... for me, I did not go back to get another HIV test after 3 months, but I did make sure that my following annual medical checkup include this test just so I'm sure.
I feel like such a freak. Most normal people would go and not give a single thought about any of this. They would see their negative result and be happy and go about their lives in relief. Meanwhile, im coming up with ideas and possibilities of the nurse accidentally using a reused finger prick needle on me.
I just wish that I wasnt like this. Its depressing and tiring constantly worrying and googling and asking people for reassurance. I will be calm for a little and then the next day it all just starts up again. I even called the Planned Parenthood and they said that all of their needles are used once and disposed of immediately. But in my head I think of that accidental instance when it couldve been reused. Its a vicious cycle and I just wish it would stop
You had to have seen the nurse take the "sterile" package, tear it open and use it. It's not like she went into some dark, dank back room full of ill drug users having a wild sex orgy and came out with an unwrapped dirty needle that everyone was using.
I had blood taken yesterday. The nurse put on gloves, rubbed alcohol on the area, tore open a new needle from a sterile package and did the procedure. The same precautions were taken for your finger prick. It's common procedure in any medical testing facility. That's also why you see them dispose of the used device in a locked box marked specifically for that.
As your title states, the fear is "irrational". You "know" deep down the scenario you're fearing didn't happen. Use the same self talk and switch it to the literally hundreds of positive reasons why you can't get HIV from a dirty needle finger prick and eliminate the one impossible reason that plaques you.
Positive thoughts
But I didn't see her open the finger prick needle or trow it away. I simply wasn't playing attention which is why I'm so mad at myself. I think she had it ready when I came in, or I either just didn't see. I guess I just trusted she knew what she was doing :/ And now Im a nervous wreck for not remembering or paying closer attention. I have never been to a Planned Parenthood before so I dont know what goes on there. Now I am panicking over whether I need to wait 3 months and go get retested.
Planned Parenthood has been around for over 100 years and operates on a global scale. If you can't manage some form of logic in this scenario, I don't what anyone can say that will put your mind at ease :shrug:
Positive thoughts
I suppose youre right. People dont get hiv from getting tested for hiv. Do you think that I should stop worrying about it, and about going back for another test? I just want to be able to get on with my life without having constant anxiety
I suppose youre right. People dont get hiv from getting tested for hiv. Do you think that I should stop worrying about it, and about going back for another test? I just want to be able to get on with my life without having constant anxiety
What is the answer to that question? ;)
Positive thoughts
I guess the answer is yes. Its just so hard when you read stuff about hiv or see movies or videos about it. It makes me so paranoid that Ill take the smallest scenario and think Im at risk. I know no sane person would ever think they got hiv from a hiv test.. they would see a negative result and be relieved.
---------- Post added at 14:30 ---------- Previous post was at 14:28 ----------
I also feel guilty because I lied to my mom about where I was going, so now i feel like this is some sort of karma I get for going behind her back. I regret going :(
Here's the thing akh92,
If you look through posts here, you'll see that it's a common trait with HA to doubt. One doubts themselves, doubts scientific tests that prove without a doubt there is no physical illness and yet still doubt or just move onto another fear or ailment. I've seen some spend thousands to be tested privately only to doubt it a week or a month(s) down the line.
The key is to treat the root of the issue which is why you have the irrational fear in the first place. That's something to speak to your doctor or parents about. I take it from your screen name you're 22yo? I have a son that's 23 and a daughter 20. My daughter suffers from anxiety and I'm well aware of the issues it causes. She's getting treatment and doing well. I'll tell you as I tell her, life is too fleeting to worry about everything. There's only so much you can do to control things. However, you do have control over the choices and decisions you make. Make the choice to do something about your fears and anxiety :)
Positive thoughts
I wish I could see someone for my anxiety and I dd in school, but now that I am moved home I cant due to my parents. They dont believe I need to see anyone, and I have no way to pay for pay for any therapy.
---------- Post added at 15:11 ---------- Previous post was at 15:07 ----------
And my finger still has this weird numb-ish feeling where I got pricked which has never ever happened before. So even when I want to forget about it, I cant because I keep feeling that and thinking something went wrong.
Go HERE (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=131665) and take a look at this. It's a free CBT program offered to members here. It's an interesting read as it explains a lot as to why your body reacts as it does to stress and anxiety and offers techniques to help you better deal with them. Many here have found it useful.
Positive thoughts
Worried 24/7
13-06-14, 15:12
Is it possible that the feeling is actually all in your head because you are SO worried you contacted hiv? I bet if you took another test and new for sure she didn't give it to you, the feeling would disappear almost immediately. Our mind can do really amazing things to us.
I do feel like it could be in my mind, or that I payed too much close attention to it. Even if I wanted to get tested again, I would have to wait 3 more months though
You have NOTHING to fear, I promise you. The devices used for finger-prick tests are called 'lancets' and they are the ultimate disposable tool. They simply do not work after being used once - they are spring-loaded with retractable needles. After the first use the spring no longer works and the needle disappears back into the lancet. Honestly - they simply cannot be used twice. And before you start worrying about maybe another kind of device was used - it wasn't!! :) Lancets are the name of the game EVERYWHERE - they are accurate and do not depend on the user's force - perfect even and safe results every time. So relax - the lancet was used on you only, your test was negative and you are fine! Hugs from Annie xx
Thank you that makes me feel a little better. Having anxiety, I like to be in control of situations and after realizing I didnt pay as close attention as I should have, my relief was short-lived. Googling similar situations and early HIV symptoms also didnt help me. Now whenever I experience a symptom, Ill think its early HIV and panic about having to wait another 3 months to get tested and about giving HIV to my boyfriend. I guess I just need to trust the staff at Planned Parenthood and accept my negative status. It's just been really hard for me and the worrying/anxiety is exhausting. Everyone keeps telling me Im fine, but I dont know why I cant just take that and be relieved. I feel like I am going crazy.
scared_ter
15-06-14, 12:37
You have NOTHING to fear, I promise you. The devices used for finger-prick tests are called 'lancets' and they are the ultimate disposable tool. They simply do not work after being used once - they are spring-loaded with retractable needles. After the first use the spring no longer works and the needle disappears back into the lancet. Honestly - they simply cannot be used twice. And before you start worrying about maybe another kind of device was used - it wasn't!! :) Lancets are the name of the game EVERYWHERE - they are accurate and do not depend on the user's force - perfect even and safe results every time. So relax - the lancet was used on you only, your test was negative and you are fine! Hugs from Annie xx
Great post and spot on. :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 12:37 ---------- Previous post was at 12:25 ----------
Thank you that makes me feel a little better. Having anxiety, I like to be in control of situations and after realizing I didnt pay as close attention as I should have, my relief was short-lived. Googling similar situations and early HIV symptoms also didnt help me. Now whenever I experience a symptom, Ill think its early HIV and panic about having to wait another 3 months to get tested and about giving HIV to my boyfriend. I guess I just need to trust the staff at Planned Parenthood and accept my negative status. It's just been really hard for me and the worrying/anxiety is exhausting. Everyone keeps telling me Im fine, but I dont know why I cant just take that and be relieved. I feel like I am going crazy.
I have had 2 huge bouts of HIV HA. I am in my mid 30's and it is my firm belief that many who suffer this horrible anxiety, and particularly those of my generation, do so for 2 reasons.
1: A lack of education on how the virus works, is transmitted etc etc
2: Having grown up as children during the first highly terrifying period of HIV/AIDS in the mid 80's, we are scarred by the fear that was engendered in us then, largely thru misguided public information and scare mongering at the time. This stays with you, it certainly did with me, well into my mid to late 20's.
It was only after my second scare, and thru talking to a good GUM doctor and his fantastic practice manager, that I decided to stop being frightened of this virus and actually take control back over it and educate myself.
In doing so, I now no longer fear it, quite the opposite in fact.
I almost have a bit of a morbid fascination with it!
What you learn first and foremost is that there are very few ways to contract it, even less so in the developed world.
They are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse, sharing of contaminated IV needles, mother to baby and blood transfusion.
The reason the IV needle is a means of transmission and a finger prick from a lancet is not, is because the contaminated blood remains in the barrel of the needle, in a vacuum and not exposed to the air. It then enters the body directly via the veins. Once HIV is exposed to the air, say for example on the top of a needle, it dies very quickly or is rendered ineffective. It is thank God a very delicate virus, unlike the flu or cold virus' which can survive on surfaces for a long period allowing for increased risk of transmission.
Unless you are having unprotected vaginal or anal sex with people of unknown status, or an IV drug user, then you should stop worrying about HIV. Its as simple as that if you are living in a developed country.
You have nothing at all to worry about.
Thank you so much guys :)
You have helped to calm me down.
Is there any reason as to why 2 weeks later, my finger where I got the prick still feels weird whenever i touch it there or put pressure? It's not like it hurts, but it feels weird, almost like its pulling or there is somewhere there. And I know I am not making it up in my head.
scared_ter
15-06-14, 16:11
Thank you so much guys :)
You have helped to calm me down.
Is there any reason as to why 2 weeks later, my finger where I got the prick still feels weird whenever i touch it there or put pressure? It's not like it hurts, but it feels weird, almost like its pulling or there is somewhere there. And I know I am not making it up in my head.
Theres probably a million reasons, but what I can say for absolute certainty is HIV is not one of them.
PM me if you want to chat about this, Ive been thru it myself and can sympathise massively.
Hey guys, I want to thank everyone so much. One last question. Since my boyfriend and I have been tested before and are monogomous, based off of this whole needle reuse fear situation, am I safe to engage in sexual intercourse without a condom without fear of giving him something?
Please help guys. I would be completely relieved if I just knew the answer to that last question
With all due respect, how can people on an internet forum answer that? That's a personal choice and one that you and your boyfriend must decide on. There are more things to consider than STDs.
Positive thoughts
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.