Can't keep going on like this

[UKmamainUS]

I can't possibly be the only person who feels this way. I am so anxious all the time, it is exhausting. My husband works away from home a lot, so my attempts at CBT have been very unsuccessful since I can't get to the therapist very easily. I've tried doing online and book versions, but being alone with two kids for weeks at a time makes it difficult. My mother and siblings are in the UK, I live in the US. I do have friends here, but not many, since I just don't really enjoy getting out and meeting new people.

Every time my husband flies for work (usually twice a week) I'm scared he will be in a crash. I'm scared he will lose his job (he was laid off when my oldest was a baby and I was working then so it wasn't so bad, but now I am a stay at home mom, we can't afford for him to be laid off). I'm scared of getting sick and dying and leaving my kids, I'm scared of my husband dying and leaving us.

I'm scared when he is away, in case we are broken into or something happens I can't cope with.

I can't watch the news AT ALL. Everything makes me sick. I have no idea what is going on in the world and when I do hear something (for instance when I accompany my husband to DC for his work, I am usually exposed to the news) it is always awful and I end up having a major panic attack. Once when is as in DC I got so sick I locked myself and my kids in the hotel room for the majority of the trip. Every time I left the room I was so overwhelmed with fear that I couldn't think of anything except going back to the room. Obviously, I hate flying too, which means I can't get back to the UK as often as I would like either. I've been in the US ten years and am crazy homesick, all the time. My husband has tried to get work in the UK but it's not so easy as we had thought it would be.

Even eating here scares me. Everything is so polluted - hormones and antibiotics in the milk and meat, chemicals in the vegetables. I spend a fortune on organic food.

I never used to be this way. I achieved three degrees at three universities before securing myself a job in the States. I moved over here all on my own, knowing no one, and bringing no one with me. I was always so outgoing. Think that having children kind of broke me. I feel so overwhelmed at times I really do not function. I put on movies for the kids and just sit there feeling terrified.

Of course, it's not all misery, I still do normal things - hang out with the kids, clean the house, go to the park with our friends, but still, much of the time I just feel overwhelmed by everything. The doctor has given me lorazepam to help deal with this but in truth it barely takes the edge off.

Thanks for letting me say all this, I can't really rant about my feelings to my six year old, so this is really the only place I have.

[Rennie1989]

You're in the right place to vent :)

Sometimes being with our thoughts for too long can be quite detrimental. I've noticed how little anxiety I have because I am working a full time, physically and mentally demanding job with a college course on the side. I suppose I have no time to be anxious!

My biggest advice to those is to start a new hobby. Something that really uses your noggin. My hobby is writing novels, it means that I have to concentrate to write scenes and to research. Although I do not recommend such a mountainous task, why not start with something that you're really interested in, something that does not let your mind drift away. Reading is good too.

[swgrl09]

I agree with starting a new hobby or getting involved in something, like volunteering, to keep yourself occupied.

My husband flies for work almost every weekend and it used to kill me. I still get way more anxious when he is away and he just left this morning, so I am trying to plan my weekend to keep busy.

You said you can't get to CBT often ... is it because he brings you to appointments? Sometimes agencies can provide transportation to medical appointments and therapy, at least where I live (CT) they do. Also if you belong to a church or other religious community, sometimes they have volunteer drivers to get you to appointments. They can be great resources and help. They could also link you up with volunteer opportunities or community activities to do.

If getting out isn't an option, maybe try reading or gardening to occupy your mind. Just anything to stay busy. Invite over some family to chat and keep you company. The downtime is really killer, but if you can fill it maybe that will help.

[UKmamainUS]

Getting to CBT is difficult because I have a three and six year old and no one to watch them during therapy seasons when my husband is away.

Hobbies etc sound like a great idea, but I homeschool my kids so finding any time to start something new is impossible. But the time I get the kids off to bed at night (possibly the loneliest thing I have found with hubs traveling is getting the kids ready for be on my own - so much easier when you do it as a team) I either fall asleep faster than they do, or I'll lie on the sofa watching tv shows on netflix. Basically my day is very centered around the kids, and I get little to no time to myself. Right now that's almost a good thing because when I do, I'm likely to start googling, or reading horror stories on the computer.

Ah, I don't know. Maybe I just need a break - one that doesn't involve going to big cities (my last vacations have all been based around Washington DC and New York - amazing places but kind of awful for getting away from your anxiety - which is weird since I used to live in London and found it the most relaxing place to hang out - Covent Garden, St. James Park, aaaaahhhh the good old days).

I have no family near me - my family are in England, and my I laws are in Texas and Massachusetts. I am in Colorado. All of my friends are homeschooling mothers and generally need to be with their own families at the times I could use some one else.

I just broke down to my husband and told him that really I feel so lost in the US, even after 10 years. My heart is in England, but he struggled to find work there and so we bought a house last month, to try to give the kids some security. Now, I guess we are stuck for a while.

I am not religious or part of any major organization in which to make friends to support me. For the most part, it is just me and my two kids. Occasionally the husband too.

[swgrl09]

I'm so sorry, it sounds so very hard :( I can't imagine what it's like living so far from family and home. I lived in a different state for school and had to transfer closer to home because I was that homesick, and it wasn't even that far away. So I honestly can't imagine.

Maybe if there was a time once a week or even once a month if it's too hard, you could get together with your friends who are in similar positions. Are you able to skype with your family back home? I know it's not the same, but better than nothing. It's how I keep in touch with my husband when he is away.

Homeschooling must be so difficult because not only are you being a mother, but also a teacher!! I give you so much credit.

[Rennie1989]

You say you read horror stories on the computer, why don't you use that instead better by doing something more positive, like reading, cross stitching, baking etc. Simply changing that will help you feel a ton better.