Trying to have a different outlook after a difficult time.

[googler192]

Irrational vs rational.

Here I will list and symptoms that I have. I will then write what I believe the symptom to mean and then attempt to write a far more rational reason behind the symptom. I should point out that I am convinced that I have contracted hiv even though I am in the extremely low risk category

Here goes.

Swollen glands;

Irrational - Seroconversion illness
Could be cancer
There is obviously something wrong if they are swollen

Rational - could have picked up an illness on holiday
May have a mild ear infection

Dry mouth;

Irrational - could be something linked to seroconversion

Rational - the air con or humidity has caused it
I could just be thirsty
New toothpaste?
ANXIETY?!

Sore throat;

Irrational - often a first sign of seroconversion

Rational - mild throat infection
Sore from the humidity mixed with air conditioning.

Rash on chest;

Irrational - seroconversion

Rational - sunburn or heat rash.

Although I am really gutted to say that I have let my HA ruin my holiday I am really trying to have a different outlook on it. I think that if I really try to change my thought pattern then things will start to improve although I am extremely anxious at the moment and it seems that using NMP is the only form of release and support I can get as the people around me really don't seem to get it.

Try and keep smiling everyone. X

[Fishmanpa]

What you've done in the above post is essentially a CBT technique. Listing the trigger for a thought, then the irrational fear or automatic, habitual thought and then a new thought/rational/logical reason behind the fear. That's actually a positive thing and step and something to do whenever one of those thoughts pop into your head. The free CBT course offered here has worksheets you can print out. Keep a notebook and use that!

Positive thoughts

[scared_ter]

Irrational vs rational.

Here I will list and symptoms that I have. I will then write what I believe the symptom to mean and then attempt to write a far more rational reason behind the symptom. I should point out that I am convinced that I have contracted hiv even though I am in the extremely low risk category

Here goes.

Swollen glands;

Irrational - Seroconversion illness
Could be cancer
There is obviously something wrong if they are swollen

Rational - could have picked up an illness on holiday
May have a mild ear infection

Dry mouth;

Irrational - could be something linked to seroconversion

Rational - the air con or humidity has caused it
I could just be thirsty
New toothpaste?
ANXIETY?!

Sore throat;

Irrational - often a first sign of seroconversion

Rational - mild throat infection
Sore from the humidity mixed with air conditioning.

Rash on chest;

Irrational - seroconversion

Rational - sunburn or heat rash.

Although I am really gutted to say that I have let my HA ruin my holiday I am really trying to have a different outlook on it. I think that if I really try to change my thought pattern then things will start to improve although I am extremely anxious at the moment and it seems that using NMP is the only form of release and support I can get as the people around me really don't seem to get it.

Try and keep smiling everyone. X

Presume you are referring to HIV when you say seroconversion illness?
I had a huge fear of that for many years, I found educating myself on it to be the best cure for my HA in that regard.
Try it, best of luck :)

[googler192]

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I really have hit rock bottom with this at the minute and I have well and truly lived up to my username today by going as far as googling 'how to tell your family that you have HIV'. I made myself sick with worry earlier and I just didn't know what else to do. I am going to see my GP on Monday about this but I need to get myself tested ASAP so I can plan the best route forward for myself when I have to tell my parents the horrible news. I don't know if that will even be an option. I don't think I'll be able to do it. This is the lowest point of my life.

[worriedlad]

How did you end up my friend