This is destroying me

[Anna76]

Hi everyone, I am new here and wanted to introduce myself. I am Anna, from the US and have severe OCD incorporated with health anxiety/full blown phobia. I have been in therapy for over a year and quite honestly, it hasn't helped all that much. I feel I have someone to talk to, but that's about it.

So here has been my history. My health anxiety began with the fear of dying. That's how I remember it anyway. I was so scared of dying and it just became an obsession with me. I began Googling ways people die and watching videos on youtube of people at the end of life. My therapist asked me to stop and I did...for awhile.
This is all in the last 12 months:
Then I became acutely aware of every heartbeat. I have always had tachycardia, but it became much worse than usual. Several times I found myself in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack and I would randomly drive to the fire station (different ones) to get checked when I thought I was dying. The end result was being sent to a cardiologist who did an echocardiogram, an EKG and a nuclear stress test. I was released and he said if I start exercising, it should help with the tachycardia.

Then I started having left side pain. I had a CT scan, an Upper GI, an ultrasound of my gallbladder, pancreas, and liver. I also had blood work. Aside from a small kidney cyst, it all came back normal.

Went to a urologist regarding my kidney cyst. Had another ultrasound and was cleared. He mentioned I had a cyst on my left ovary. Maybe that was my pain.

This may be TMI, but I had a weird "spot" on the outer area of my privates which my husband saw. Went to a dermatologist who assured me it was nothing, but had it biopsied anyway. Turned out I had HSV 2 and was put on Valtrex. Well, I was upset but it cant kill you and my husband (only been married a year) was tested and unaware he had it.

Now a new symptom has appeared.... I feel like I have "lumps" in my vagina. I think I have cervical or vaginal cancer. :shrug:

Oh.my.God. I am so sick of worry about this. Then someone told me that worry about cancer can cause it!!!!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????? Then I definitely have it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad::weep:

How do I overcome this? I have tried Jesus. I have tried antianxiety meds. I have tried therapy. NOTHING HELPS.:wall:

[Anna76]

Thank you. I appreciate that. I wont give up on God. I just get frustrated with myself.

[ankietyjoe]

Have you stopped googling and watching ways 'it can happen'?

[Anna76]

For the most part. Googling symptoms is my main issue right now. If I feel a certain pain somewhere, I'll Google it and 9 times out of 10, Google says I am dying. I am trying really hard not to do this, but sometimes the compulsion to overtakes me.

[ankietyjoe]

That's the only thing you need to concentrate on then imo.

One thing I learned is that your brain can't tell when something is real or not, at least not on a subconscious level. If you keep worrying about things you read on the internet then that part of your brain will start to create anxiety based on that. Anxiety stems from the old subconscious part of the brain and is very powerful. It can be re-trained though. That's how CBT works.

Next time you feel a pain, palpitation or whatever then just say to yourself 'I'm fine, I've been to the Doctor, they say I'm fine, I've had all the tests, they all say I'm fine' and do that EVERY time you want to reach for Google.

It'll make a difference, more so over time.