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sal
08-08-04, 15:26
A few questions if any one has any ideas the best way to go on this.

After been of sick from work you automatically get referred to the Occupational Health team, so i have my appointment on Monday. Feel it is a bit of a waste of time as have been back at work three months.

There aims as far as i can see if to access my capability of doing the job, likely re-occuring sickness etc.

So i am not really sure which tact to take with them. Do i say i had a blip and went of, blames the situation why i went of or what.

Basically i need to put the best picture i can across as they report back to work, then obviously this goes on my record, so i dont want it to come back negative because then obviously they will be looking into my employment status.

Plus the personnel department have just issued 30 letters to people giving them a sick warning, me included which has really got to me.

Working for the prison service if you are assaulted, involved in a disturbing incident, this should not be included on your sick record. Well the have included my sickness 2 years ago when i was head butted, where i had 3 weeks of and also when i found someone on fire, where i was of for 2 weeks.

So bearing in mind this letter has just come out and this appointment i am get really anxious over how to handle it.

This time i went of sick was after a colleague had read one of my emails and printed it out. My fault for leaving my desktop unlocked but she had gone into my sent items and got this email. The email basically said she was getting on my nerves and that the overtime was not been done fairly. We do the overtime from our office when my colleague died a few months back a new guy came in and he has his favourites for overtime including him self.

Any how myself and another 30 officers got charged with improper use of the email system. I got a call telling me i was been charged when on leave, then told i was to go back to the female centre as was getting booted out of office and she was staying even though she was temporary in there and i was permanent. So after my leave reported for duty on FC to be told was to go back to the office. So for the next few weeks had to work with her and kept asking when we would be interviewed and no one could give me any answers. They kept changing the governor who was doing the investigation and none of us knew what was happening.

The girl in question then moved out of the office as her medical reasons no longer required her to work prisoner free. Nothing happened to her where everyone i spoke to said she should be charged for going into someones private mail.

Well this went on and on and no further forward, no one had any answers. No one asked how we were coping whilst waiting for the investigation. So after 2 months of not knowing it got too much and i went of sick.

So to cut a long story short do i use this as my reasons to the Occupational Health. My sick note stated work related stress and my doctor wrote a report to them saying how i had been treated and that she advised me not to return to work until it was resolved, which it still isnt.

My head is all over the place working out what to say, as this is my career and i cant afford to lose my job, as i have no other support financially.

Even the governor who eventually did the investigation interviews laughed when i went in the room and said it was a complete waste of time and couldnt believe he has been asked to investigate such petty material.

Well my appointment is at 2 pm tomorrow so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Love Sal xx

nomorepanic
08-08-04, 17:10
Sal

Will reply asap. I am just talking online to Sharon who was going to come yesterday so I can't concentrate on this but will reply soon ok?

xx

Nicola

nomorepanic
08-08-04, 18:11
Sal

I would take the approach of the stress caused the time off. The sick note said that and the doc will back it up.

You shouldn't have to or need to go into all the petty stuff about the email etc and I agree that it seems like a waste of time to take it any further. If they insist on pushing that then just explain it like you have here and that this woman read an email about her but you stand by the overtime being unfair.

It is a stressful job you have anyway without them dragging you along to a meeting to justify why you felt stressed etc.

Explain that you have been back at work 3 months now and are doing well considering.

I hope it goes ok Sal - let us know ok?

Not sure I have helped much but I would just tell the truth and then it won't come back and haunt you. You were stressed so that is why you were off sick.

xxx




Nicola

Meg
08-08-04, 19:31
Hi Sal,

I would also keep as close to the truth as possible.

Only when this is all over and done with, I would be inclined to persue why the other incidents are on your record and get them removed.






Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

sal
08-08-04, 21:12
Hi Nic and Meg

Thanks for the advice. Getting well chewed over it now. Just cant see the point as occupational health should be involved before you return to work to help you get back to full time hours. Prison service always does it wrong way round.

I am going to tell her/him all about the email incident as i have spoken the colleague who i emailed and he was charged to as he replied in agreement. He said explain how for 10 weeks they left us hanging and obviously with the underlying nature of your illness it was too much for me to cope with.

He reckons that if it wasnt for the charges and how they treated us i wouldnt have gone of sick. He is a union member and a good friend. He offered to come with me tomorrow but would prefer to go myself. He was saying about the letter many of us got about the sick as well, could be persued under the bullying terms the prison service has. But i will just let that go, cant be bothered with more chew.

So i will be honest and tell it how it is. The stress caused by the situation pushed me right back over. Just dont want them to think i am not capable of doing my job as then i am in deep water.

Thanks for listening



Love Sal xxxxx

Caz Fab Pants
08-08-04, 21:28
Sal,

Oh mate, sounds like this is really eating you up as tomorrow draws nearer. Not sure I want to comment on the specific's as dont want to say the wrong thing.

However you seem like a very capable intelligent person and I'm sure once the interview starts you will instinctively know the best stance to take. (Although it probably wouldn't hurt to think up a few good 'one liners' tonight, just incase :))

It is best to stick to the truth but remember that even if you are spinning out in your head, try to portray confidence. The fact that you have been back at work for 3mths is also a good indication that you are back on track.

Good luck hun
Caroline :)
x

sal
08-08-04, 22:05
Hi Caroline

thanks for your reply. Yeah i will try to look chilled although may not feel it.

Dont worry about saying anything on post in case you say the wrong thing, none of us are professionals we just try to help each other.

I will let you know how it goes.



Love Sal xxxxx

sal
08-08-04, 22:31
Definately losing it now with anxiety.

Just printed out the directions of how to get there, and dont recognise any routes it has offered me, so that is adding to my worry.

Wish i had taken Dave up on offer. Might talk to my friend at work who is an early shift and see if she can come. She has been a great support, even where she picked me up and took me to work when i couldnt face it.

Loads of conversations going through my head as what to say, what will they ask. Are they trying to trick me into saying things.

Getting a bit paranoid about it now, as you can see.



Love Sal xxxxx

Caz Fab Pants
09-08-04, 17:04
Sal,

Dont think you'll be back yet but waiting with baited breath to hear how you got on.

Fingers crossed for you babe.

Caroline :)
x

nomorepanic
10-08-04, 18:44
Sal

Any news yet?

Nicola

sal
10-08-04, 23:22
Hi

Sorry havent replied before now, but yesterday was all over the place and when came home just wanted to spend time with Sam and forget it all.

Occupational health doctor was brialliant. As soon as i walked in her stated he had 1 hour to get to know Sal so let it all out. He said i would swear etc and he would show me all paper work from prison service and said he believed Durham prison were the worst establishment he had ever worked for and also that they should show the questions they send to him about me before i go.

He was really good and talked about all my sickness and i was honest. He stated that i had suffered extreme stress and couldnt believe i was still coping, that is because i told him of my past experiences. He dicated the letter he was sending to the prison as his final report and bascially told them they lacked compassion, understanding and any sort of reality about life.

He showed me the letter they had sent him about me and offered to give me a copy as he believes after all the history at the prison i have grounds to sue them. Not sure i am up to all that pressure. But they letter they sent him had a couple of questions in but one sticks in my head and i did swear LOL when i read it. "Can Sally cope been a single mother and working full time" I know i have had time of but it was never through Samantha. Basically he said that was discrimation and sexual. When i think about all the staff i am in charge of, loads are on family friendly hours and i have never ever mentioned i would like that. Spoke to my CBT today and she told me to bring all the paper work to her next week and she wasnt happy and thinks its time, (as she knows all the details) that i took it further.

Not sure if want to do that but gutted they could say that about me and Sam. I did once speak to personnel in private saying as Ex wasnt having Sam anymore might need a few hours here and there to adjust her but never took them. And even now when i see them they keep saying dont forget Sal you can do family friendly. Then while they are offering they are stabbing me in the back.

Sorry ranted too much and as you can see thats why didnt reply last night as was too upset.

Thanks for listening.


Love Sal xxxxx

kate
11-08-04, 07:27
Hi Sal,

Glad to hear that the Occupational Health doctor and your therapist are being so supportive.

Thousands of women are single parents and work full time these days.

You are doing so well to cope with this plus, on top of this, you are also coping with stress related problems.

I think you are doing brilliantly.


Keep faith in yourself, you are doing nothing wrong and everything right.

Kate x

nomorepanic
11-08-04, 21:20
Hey Sal

Must have upset you about the comments about Sam but I agree that it may cause you even more stress if you should take that further and question them.

Good that they supported you on the other issues and I bet you are generally pleased with the outcome.

Hope you feel better today.

xxxx

Nicola

sal
11-08-04, 22:08
Hi Nic

Spoke to Barbara (old boss) but a good friend now and i was fuming with what they said. I have never asked for any favours regarding been a single parent. She wasnt happy and said i should be telling them like i told her. So going to make appointment to see someone from personnel tomorrow to ask where it all came from. If it was right i could accept it but now ive stewed on it why should i when they have no grounds. Barbara is going to come with me, as a witness and i am going to speak to the union before i go in guns blazing tomorrow.

I cant be penalised for having Sam and been alone when i have never let it affect my work.

Feel really hurt and angry at moment by it all



Love Sal xxxxx

sal
12-08-04, 22:55
Just an update.

Went to work today and couldnt settle about the single parent working full time and couldnt cope. Out of all my illness with this that has been my last problem. dont get me wrong been alone and sorting Sam out before and after work is hard but i have never used that as an excuse.

Anyhow didnt take on the good advice to let is settle, needed to know what and who had said such things.

So went to personnel today and asked to look through my file. If i could turn back time!!!?? Got the letter they sent out but after speaking to the union they said i needed to find out who instigated it. So whilst looking through my file found a report from my immediate boss. This is the one who all week has been telling me how shocking it is they could ask that, and practically run up my a*** when i was upset about it all. So the report stated that i struggled been a working mum, written by my immediate boss.

Was more upset that he could say that than anything after all he has been a great support. But shows you know no one. sorry if sounding so negative.

But whilst in my file, saw a report from Barbara my old boss who is a good friend now, but before she suffered from depression we werent as close and she had to do a report on me. Well that report was crap too. So have spent the day in a world of my own totally losing control of it all.

I did confront Mick but he backed away from it and said i had misread it. I approached other management before i spoke to him and John my old boss told me to confrom Mick when i wasnt so angry, but i wasnt angry just really hurt. Cant leave things hanging on and dont do arguments. Mick does but i needed to tell him how i felt. He was apologetic but bit too late for that. I have worked with him for 2 years now and see him as a dad. But now in black and white he has caused me more problems than i need.

Just feel another person i trusted has let me down. Would say more but getting too upset by it all.

Thanks for listening.



Love Sal xxxxx

sal
14-08-04, 18:41
Yesterday was a hard day at work but before i started my two weeks leave i wanted to sort things out. My first priority was to not dwell on what Barbara had written as it was over 4 years ago and we werent good friends then. Plus as much as the report she made hurt during that period i didnt really have too much time for her. So i have just let that where it is.

With regards to my boss Mick, when i went in yesterday morning, he mumbled hello so i thought i was going to be in for a real hard day. Well as it turned out we never stopped in the morning. He sent me to wings to help as we were so short staffed. Then we had two alarms bells with inmates fighting so by dinner time i was whacked.

Anyhow the other two guys in the office were early shifts so it was only me and Mick. By then he was been ok with me but you know how paranoid anxiety makes you. So i brought it up again. He was really nice about it and said he felt like **** for putting it like that. He gave his reasons of what he meant which i can understand. But i also know that in our office it is so busy, he didnt have time to write a fully detailed report. Anyhow we went through the report together and on a number of questions he had said my work was excellent. But in my stupor didnt read it all just hung on to the single parent working!!!!

Anyhow i asked him to come over to where i was standing in the office later on and we gave each other a big cuddle, and it felt a lot better that we had sorted it. He has been like a dad to me and a better one that my dad ever was. So he asked if i was still dad, i said yes and that i needed more pocket money to forgive him!!!! So we had a good laugh about it and left it where it is.

So pleased it is sorted as would have tortured myself all holiday worrying about it and would have dreaded going back to work.

Love Sal xxxxx

diana
01-09-04, 20:58
Heya Sal,

So sorry to hear about the trouble, anxiety, and hurt/pain you had to deal with, but glad it is all sorted for you now.

You are doing a 'SUPER' job, just you and Sam.

I am sooo proud of you Sal. You are beating the odds.

A single parent in this day in age is enough to drive a 'sane' person bizerk (check spelling on that one) :)

You are doing it and wearing it well.

Take care sweetie.

Try not to sweat the small stuff.

Loadsa Love to you and Sam always.

Diana xoxoxo