I Wish I Could Smile

[Juliebeenz]

I'm so unhappy and I don't know why. This has been going on too long now and I need fixed.

I've been on Sertraline for over a year and they have definately taken the edge of things but some days (like today) its almost like the tears will never stop.

To use a cliche I think my relationship with my Father has something to do with this. It's hard to put into words what he does but it has made the whole family's lives hell. He stops talking to us . . . won't look at us . . . just suits himself and creates an atmosphere. My poor Mother hasn't got the strength to leave and I worry about her so much. I can't visit because I find the situation so upsetting. I spoke to him today for the first time in months and it ruined my whole day because I just didn't know how to deal with it. I also got a Xmas card from him today signed "from Dad". No love just from and I don't think I've ever called him Dad in my life (I use another name).

I feel like my heart is broken; does that make sense? I'm so weak and I'm sick of it. My depression is starting to affect my relationships with other people now too. I just can't be bothered to make the effort with anyone.

I feel like I'm the only one who has this on their shoulders. Are there other people like me who just don't know why they feel so unhappy? I know people are getting fed up with me now always bringing them down. I can sense them rolling their eyes. I don't share my problems, especially the family stuff because no-one would understand that, I know they wouldn't, they couldn't possibly.

Anyone got any nice words? Advice? Assurance?

Juliebeenz[V]



"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think".

[happyone]

Julie,
you may be right that the rlationship with Dad has contributed to how you feel. It is hard to let go of the painful stuff and move on.
I've had relationships with different people in the past that have caused me pain and/or anxiety. My partner of the time helped me to see that I couldn't change the offending people or the past.
On saying that, I am still going through it now, just with a different set of memories.
I know you believe everyone is getting sick of you, I feel like that sometimes too but in reality, I am often puttng my negative thoughts about me onto them. Do you get what I mean? It's a bit like, if you don't like or love you, how can you imagine someone else does?
Have you ever tried counselling? It's good to have someone listenwithout prejdice and it is safe to say what you want. Do you tell your doc that you feel like this? Write it down if it helps.

Depression does have up and down days as I have found to my dismay. I thought that when the medication kicked in, I would be happy all the time. But, as the doc said to me, tablets don't take away the stresses of your life.
Please have another word with your doc and if you haven't already, maybe consider counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which can help you to challenge your negative thoughts.

take care and like yourself. The fact that you care so much shows you are a caring person.

Happyone

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Julie, at least your card sad from DAD, mine signs his cards with his signature!! My dad is just like yours, that is until we had a big bust up and I hurled a load of abuse at him; he's never been the loving type. My mum said to me "he'll need you before you need him" and she was right.

maybe your mum could visit you, leaving Dad to stew in his own selfishness, because that's what it is. Don't worry too much hun, it takes a lot to be a "dad", some fellas just don't know how to do it properly, depending on their own up-bringing I would imagine. My Dad's parents were devout catholics and very, very strict. Think it rubbed off on my Dad. They were the kind of parents that "you don't speak until spoken to".

Learn from this Julie, I did. My kids are extremely happy, loving and wonderful. They don't let my Dad get away with anything. If he's sulking or being nasty, they wrap him round their little finger!! It works as well, but I still haven't managed to do it yet lol!!

Take care.

Les, xx

[Juliebeenz]

Thank you for your kind words.

I was having a terrible day but spending the weekend with my God-daughter helped.

It had literally just dawned on me that my problem is my father . . . it was always assumed to be something else.

Thankyou again.[:I]

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think".

[eeyorelover]

Hi Julie -
I'm so sorry that you have had a rough time of it!!
Sometimes when you have put forth a real effort in a relationship and get nothing back in return you just have to back off and let the other person choose to make the next move or not.
I have that sort of relationship with my Mom.
I love her and wish that we had a mother daughter relationship but she is so critical that I have had to realize that it's not going to happen as much as I would like for it to.
What is the saying... you can pick your friends but not your relatives.
I am glad that you got to spend some time with your god - daughter.
xxx
Sandy