Ebonzie
17-06-14, 11:29
Hi
I have looked at this site quite a lot over the years but recent events have given me cause to join and share my problems, but this is my story so far...
I had my first diagnosis of stress/anxiety/depression when I was 13, which resulted in a course of family therapy and a few sessions with a CPN. I managed to bumble along until my mid 20’s, which was when I had my first (quite public) panic attack and breakdown, because of a work issue. It caused me to leave my job and I was subsequently prescribed citalopram, CBT with an OT and Art therapy, which over a period of about 5 years and with some work related training, I managed to get back into work. The work place was horrible but I coped and managed to stay there whilst I looked and secured a new job elsewhere, to cut a long story short (I may tell it on another thread on the forum), I ended up walking out of the first job a week before my official leaving date, the panic attacks returned and I could not face the new job or even talking to the people who offered me the job.
Fast forward to now, which is 3.5 years later, I have had general/social anxiety for most of this time but I managed to stop the citalopram, it’s never felt right for me, and I have just been resorting to propranolol on very bad days. I don’t work enough hours, so I have little money and this is a constant worry, the only reason I am fed, clothed and kept warm is due to my long suffering partner. I feel like I've burnt too many bridges and my reputation is in tatters, as far as the world of work is concerned and I can’t see how to get back into the work environment in my field or any other. I feel isolated, as if no one can help me and I don’t know which way to turn. I have episodes of feeling like I don’t want to leave the house in case I bump into someone I have embarrassed myself in front of, panicked in front of or not turned up for an appointment for because of anxiety and this goes right back to people I went to school with up to the most recent people I have worked with and includes strangers.
I’m a bit lost/stuck/sad at the moment, apologies for the long introduction but thanks for reading if you did.
I have looked at this site quite a lot over the years but recent events have given me cause to join and share my problems, but this is my story so far...
I had my first diagnosis of stress/anxiety/depression when I was 13, which resulted in a course of family therapy and a few sessions with a CPN. I managed to bumble along until my mid 20’s, which was when I had my first (quite public) panic attack and breakdown, because of a work issue. It caused me to leave my job and I was subsequently prescribed citalopram, CBT with an OT and Art therapy, which over a period of about 5 years and with some work related training, I managed to get back into work. The work place was horrible but I coped and managed to stay there whilst I looked and secured a new job elsewhere, to cut a long story short (I may tell it on another thread on the forum), I ended up walking out of the first job a week before my official leaving date, the panic attacks returned and I could not face the new job or even talking to the people who offered me the job.
Fast forward to now, which is 3.5 years later, I have had general/social anxiety for most of this time but I managed to stop the citalopram, it’s never felt right for me, and I have just been resorting to propranolol on very bad days. I don’t work enough hours, so I have little money and this is a constant worry, the only reason I am fed, clothed and kept warm is due to my long suffering partner. I feel like I've burnt too many bridges and my reputation is in tatters, as far as the world of work is concerned and I can’t see how to get back into the work environment in my field or any other. I feel isolated, as if no one can help me and I don’t know which way to turn. I have episodes of feeling like I don’t want to leave the house in case I bump into someone I have embarrassed myself in front of, panicked in front of or not turned up for an appointment for because of anxiety and this goes right back to people I went to school with up to the most recent people I have worked with and includes strangers.
I’m a bit lost/stuck/sad at the moment, apologies for the long introduction but thanks for reading if you did.