What to do??

[jefferina]

Well last week I wrote about taking the first step seeing a friend.....She now wants to see me every week well the week is up and tomorrow is the day and now I DONT want to see her.... Stupid anxiety is taking over I'm thinking about every excuse possible.. My goldfish got a dentist appointment haha I would say anything right now....
It must be sooo great not to get so anxious about such small things... So now what do I do?? Do I really want this every week? I get so indecisive now it's unreal...
Will this help me or push me over the edge??
Also I have seen a gym near me that only offers personal training sessions and the women says she helps with stress control, self esteem, confidence, goal setting Etc... Maybe this would be good?? I'm all over the place today sorry for blabbing on xx

[koala]

Hi,

You should definately sign up for the gym as exercise is one of the best things you can do to help your anxiety. It will be nerve wracking at first but the more you do it the better you will feel.

As for your friend, remind yourself of all the good things that happened the last time you met up and try to focus on them rather than your anxiety. Again with practice it will get easier the more you do it. If you still feel that every week is too much after you have met your friend then you could maybe try meeting every two weeks but I think that is just your anxiety talking. I am sure your friend will understand how nervous you feel. And I am sure she would prefer to see you for just 5 minutes than not see you at all. I also get anxious about meeting people in public but a trick i use which helps me is to set yoursef small goals. See how far you can travel to your destination. If you don't get there then nevermind at least you got a few steps/meters further than you would of done had you just cancelled. Similarly when you meet your friend don't put pressure on yourself to stay with her for a set time. Instead see how long it takes before you really feel that you have to leave and remind yourself that that was so many minutes longer than you would have managed had you cancelled. Good luck, hope it goes well. :)

[SammiJay]

I know how you feel. I am also trying to get back out there.

I don't know about you, but I find that the stress and worry about going out and getting there is worse than when I am actually there.

My sister had arranged an evening out with me, her, and a close friend last Friday. Just a meal. I spent all day worrying about it. I was tearful all day and kept worrying about how I was going to be, if I was going to panic and make an idiot of myself, if I was going to have to make a quick getaway etc.

With a bit of gentle coaxing and reassurance from my sister, I left the house, quite resentful for her making me do it. (She wasn't making me do anything lol) Turns out I had a really great evening. I am not going to lie, I had quite a few moments of feeling overwhelmed and very anxious, but I took a few breaths and kept the conversation flowing. I was also relieved when I finally got home, but I felt a real sense of accomplishment and it felt good to enjoy some company.

I think Koala gave some great advice and would suggest the same.

As for the gym, I would recommend it. It is a great way for getting some control and confidence and a great way to channel all of that nervous energy. If you are up for it, then go for it. :)

[jefferina]

Thank you both for your replies unfortunately I'm not meeting her today I got so anxious about it I actually feel Ill now.. I'm sure you know how that feels... Sammijay well done going for that meal that's really good and I know what it took... I hate it when your out and you can feel the panic rise just awful.. So it looks like the gym is a good idea and this is something I will push myself to do. Thanks for all the advise you both gave me much appreciated xx

[aprilmoon]

Hi Jefferina
The gym ideas really good,definitely worth a try.
Hope your goldfish's tooth is better soon,lol,and don't worry,we've all backed out of things at some time or other,including myself.
You'll get there hun

Sammi Jay
Well done!!

:hugs::hugs:

[jefferina]

Thank you April moon for your reply... Bit annoyed with my self but just felt too much... Oh and my goldfish is much better haha x

[koala]

Glad I could help :) and don't beat yourself up too much about backing out of it. I've backed out of many things before too.

[jefferina]

Thanks koala.... I did back out didn't say why BUT she turned up today as she was just popping by.... Well it went really well I'm really happy.... Admitidly she didn't stay long but I really coped well I met her little girl too...I have a feeling she knew what she was doing but I won't question it .... Thanks for replying to me very kind xx