dewlyttle
18-06-14, 09:57
Another night of sitting in the living room while self analyzing every pain, twitch, and sensation. The "ordeal" now is blot clots. For some reason I've been perseverating on it.
You see, about 4 months ago I, again, ended up in the ER for chest pains. After being told that my d-dimer was high (yeah I had no idea what d-dimer was either) and a pulmonary embolism was suspected. I instantly turned neutron star white and the world faded away. I could hear nothing and my vision began to fade. I could feel the panic coming like a tsunami. A slow building while being able to hear the roar of the panic attack coming.
My family knew exactly what was happening in my mind and instantly grabbed a nurse and quickly explained that I was milliseconds away from a total shit storm freak out and if I did have a blood clot anywhere in my body, that a full tilt panic attack might not help. So the next thing I remember was a nurse grabbing my arm and injecting benzodiazepine into my now tense body. It took a minute but it kicked in and I was able to calm down. Anywho, come to find out I did not have a blood clot in my heart and/or lungs.
Now after I got home, blood clots were all I could think about. Against all sane judgment, I decided to google blood clots. Yeah don't do that. The articles of symptoms, causes, and situations all seem to point to "why yes you do have a blood clot, now get ready for a painful fear-filled death".
I understand that the probability of me having a blood clot are low but now I can't get the thought of one just waiting somewhere in my body. I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss this further but until then...I just want to sleep and have 10 minutes of not thinking about arterial grenade machinating somewhere in my body.
I guess I wanted to get that out of me and have someone else who has been through this or going through this to maybe understand and touch base.
You see, about 4 months ago I, again, ended up in the ER for chest pains. After being told that my d-dimer was high (yeah I had no idea what d-dimer was either) and a pulmonary embolism was suspected. I instantly turned neutron star white and the world faded away. I could hear nothing and my vision began to fade. I could feel the panic coming like a tsunami. A slow building while being able to hear the roar of the panic attack coming.
My family knew exactly what was happening in my mind and instantly grabbed a nurse and quickly explained that I was milliseconds away from a total shit storm freak out and if I did have a blood clot anywhere in my body, that a full tilt panic attack might not help. So the next thing I remember was a nurse grabbing my arm and injecting benzodiazepine into my now tense body. It took a minute but it kicked in and I was able to calm down. Anywho, come to find out I did not have a blood clot in my heart and/or lungs.
Now after I got home, blood clots were all I could think about. Against all sane judgment, I decided to google blood clots. Yeah don't do that. The articles of symptoms, causes, and situations all seem to point to "why yes you do have a blood clot, now get ready for a painful fear-filled death".
I understand that the probability of me having a blood clot are low but now I can't get the thought of one just waiting somewhere in my body. I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss this further but until then...I just want to sleep and have 10 minutes of not thinking about arterial grenade machinating somewhere in my body.
I guess I wanted to get that out of me and have someone else who has been through this or going through this to maybe understand and touch base.