Is this Anxiety? Or Something Else? Or Thinking It's Something Else is Anxiety?!

[ferrari0909]

Hello,

I'll give you a guys a brief history.

I have been diagnosed with panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

I've had a few panic attacks in my lifetime (I didn't know what they were until things got worse). I've had a panic attack at the age of 5 and at the age of 11. I've always had some MINOR underlying anxiety.

I had a bad experience on a drug, (synthetic weed) well just a panic attack, but my friend was the one who really had a "bad" trip. Know about 8 months passed and somebody reminded me of that event and I started to have a CRAZY panic attack. Just thinking about that one bad event brought me back almost like a flashback. Now my vision has changed (I see halos around streetlights, I see silver things in my vision, and it's blurrier) and I have really bad derealization.

Do I have HPPD? (hallucinogen disorder)
Do I have PTSD? (flashback and anxiety attacks to the whole ordeal)

Or Do i just have anxiety??

Any thoughts would be welcome.

[rtpu2004]

I can relate with the whole vision debacle! There were 5 consecutive days where the temperature didn't drop below 30 degrees Celsius at night, on the 4th morning, I woke up extremely dehydrated and I got those squiggly worms in my eyes. I freaked out and almost had a panic attack but I was able to move passed the thoughts. However, one time I was watching tv and I got the same worms and I had a panic attack. I believe I also had possible low blood pressure, but I'll never know. Since then, it's almost like I'm hyper aware of these things. When I look in to a blue sky, I see white dots and I also have experienced the halo around street lights. When I really think about it, these things have always been there, I'm just noticing them more and focusing on them to a point where they bother me. I know it's just the anxiety and nothing is wrong with my vision. Sometimes I'll get blury vision but it's because I'm tired or something.

I can't say for sure, but I'd put my money on the fact that it's just anxiety doing what it does best. For me, I've found that practicing mindfulness has helped a fair bit, tho I still struggle, but significantly less.

Check out sane new world by ruby wax as well as the mindful way through anxiety by dr Susan orsillo and lizabeth roemer. I'm currently reading the mindful way through anxiety. I read sane new world as sort of an introduction to mindfulness and the latter book teaches specific technique.

A lot of these techniques will probably be discussed in CBT therapy too.

I hope you're able to find some comfort!

[ferrari0909]

Hey Thanks for your reply

It does mean a lot to me. :)

I mean I keep trying to diagnose myself but I'm not a doctor and I still think I'm write that I have something wrong with me or that I'm PERMANENTLY messed up.

It just scares me, and maybe it has to do with guilt associated with the whole ordeal.

It's just that these vision changes, ever since that really bad panic attack, have remained constant. Yes I do look for these symptoms and really didn't notice the halo around lights until I looked up HPPD and was like YEA I HAVE THAT TOO when in reality it may just be my anxiety AMPED UP.

I just see those squiggly things constant, on white backgrounds, on my tv, on my computer screen sometimes. And my anxiety and derealization is just high. Thank you for your suggestions. I will look into them :).

[Lyn89]

It does sound like anxiety and panic disorder-- the vision changes and derealisation are due to high anxiety and too much cortisol in your blood stream (adrenaline from the anxiety). I would stay away permanently from any and all drugs-- that can bring on derealisation in a big way. Try some relaxing techniques like in the books mentioned above, or cbt. The good news is that if you lower your anxiety and keep healthy, those symptoms will go away. They won't always be there :) take care, you will be okay

[ferrari0909]

Hey thanks for your input :) Really.

All this happened about 3 years ago,

So ive been living with these visual distortions for 3 years

I took celexa for about 2 years and that helped just make me not care and get out more but its been about 5 months since I got off and feel like its coming back.

I know a couple of people with the same experiences ... but why would thinking about something trigger it, maybe a type of flashback, or maybe just extreme anxiety.

[Lyn89]

It sounds awful Ferrari0909. I can't tell you whether what you had was a flashback or not, or just a big trigger because you remember how bad thst time was, but it does sound like you're still struggling and you shouldn't have to. If your anxiety is persisting, you need to treat it. Medicine can be really effective, but on its own it's just acting like a blanket. As soon as you take it away, everything from before will still be there. The most effective treatment is meds plus a talking therapy. I would try the latter if you can, and see a doctor about trying meds alongside it, but that depends on whether you feel you need them or not. Im not sure if you've tried therapy or not before, but it's important to keep trying different things until you find what works for you. There's an answer for everyone with anxiety out there--it just takes a while to find sometimes.

[ferrari0909]

Yea I'm trying talk therapy at the current moment to deal with all my life's traumas and hoping that can help me.

I used to take celexa but I didn't like all the side effects. I do take a benzo's from time to time, maybe once a week when I feel like I can't take then anxiety anymore.

I just keep researching things and I don't understand how anxiety can just last this long. I mean i've had it before but after it faded I didn't feel anything. This DR/DP is just cruel. I have had a lot of testing done and still always get a thought in my head where I think it's lyme disease, but now I think it's HPPD. And I hate it cause I think it's all permanent and I can't do nothing about it.

[Lyn89]

Talk therapy takes a while, even after you've stopped the sessions! But it really does help if you work hard, hang in there. You need to stop doing the research--it may feel like it's helpful to figure out what you have, but googling symptoms and other people's experiences is only going to fuel your anxiety and make you think you have all these things that you don't. It's a tough habit to break. I would stay away from google--stay in positive environments like this or to websites your therapist recommends. Any questions you have should be addressed to him/her, because Google is a minefield of misinformation and scare stories that just isn't going to help you. Good luck, it's a horrible illness but you can beat it :)