I thought he understood

[PamG]

Good afternoon everyone,

I haven't posted on here in ages, until this past week. It's been a difficult one. I have not been myself and (as I stated in another thread about my CBT experience) am not doing well finding a 'treatment' or therapy to help me. My husband has alway a been supportive of me and I felt he understood. That was until yesterday. We were having a small row over something silly when he said 'we'll do you know what, I am the one out working while you are sitting doing nothing!' I am currently signed off work due to GAD and can't function normally let alone under the stress of my job. I didn't think I would be bothered by what people thought of me being off, but he really upset me saying that. He obviously doesn't see or understand what is going on with me.

I'm not looking for any advice really, just wanted to put this out there so I can say I have told someone about it, and let off a bit of steam about it.
Thanks for listening.

Pam xx

[Humly]

Well its not unusual for this to happen. Things are said in the heat of the moment, especially during an argument. Its hard on other people, who perhaps have not experienced anxiety themselves, and after a while they can lose patience and say things without thinking. I know my husband is fed up with me so it ended up that I dont talk to him about my worries any more, which is sad because I feel lonely. He probably does see whats going on but is finding it hard at times and just lashed out in a moment of frustration x

[ankietyjoe]

Think of it this way, what he said is actually true. It's true of a lot of partners who live with somebody who suffers from anxiety/depression.

Expecting him to understand what you're going through isn't fair either as of course he can't truly understand. Nobody can who hasn't suffered from it.

It's a two way street, and a very stressful one to live with for both parties.

On the one hand he could have been a little bit more sensitive, but on the other hand it's not easy for the partners either.

[Catherine S]

I had this situation too a while back, not about no working because i'm retired though my husband still works, but he just over-reacted one day and stormed out. He's normally really easy going but he'd had enough that day. He came back some hours later after cooling off. I felt very hurt for quite a while after it though and things were a bit strained to say the least but we're ok again and he did apologise lots lol!

I know you're hurting just now but hopefully the situation will improve and you're both able to sit and have a talk about things.

ISB x

[jefferina]

It is the right place to let off steam... I do it and it helps... Anxiety is so hard for us to understand so god knows how our loved ones understand it really... Must be hard for them at times and suppose frustrating that they just can't help... Hope once you have both calmed down a bit that you sort things out... I've had people say to me snap out of it get a grip and I think erm don't you think I want to do that... Things will improve I'm sure of it but it does take time Xx

[Rennie1989]

Hubby and I are guilty of doing this to each other.

When my GAD and depression was bad he was out working the hours and keeping the place in order whilst I did nothing. On the flip side I am trying to cope with a new, and a very physically demanding, job and my days off are taken over by housework and errands whilst he sits on his backside doing nothing (apart from when he's working).

It's natural that it gets to you in the end, I've snapped at my hubby over little bits as he did with me. Anxiety and depression makes people very selfish and it can be hard to look past oneself and view the world and situation from other people's perspectives.

I wouldn't say that he doesn't understand, anybody would say that at the heat of the moment, I think he's had to be strong for a long time and it got too hard on him. People with anxiety and depression forget that it is not only them that's affected, our loved ones have to take a huge hit too.

[PamG]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. Things are a bit better now. I do understand how frustrating it must be living with me, and agree, no one would ever choose to live with this horrid feeling. I need to get better at using my time to actually do things in the house and actually use my day productively.

Thank you all again,
Pam