How my anxiety developed - scared

[AnxiousGirl1]

Right so having a really really bad time tonight.

I have health anxiety but I've been thinking back to how it all developed...
It was after I smoked weed... I had what people with me said looked like a seizure, and I thought I was dieing, I told everyone to call an ambulance, I thought my breathing was just going to stop and I thought I had to breath manually otherwise my breathing would just stop, I was pacing around being completely nuts basically and all these people who were at this party saw....

Anyway, since then I've had health anxiety and been more irrational id say because of the anxiety. A lot of people who knew me at the time and saw it happen decided to not be friends with me anymore claiming that I'd changed and worst of all, labelled me that I'd gone 'crazy'

Anyways, one of my worst worst fears would be being insane, especially not knowing I was insane and everyone else thinking I am. This may sound completely nuts but tonight I've been thinking what if I did actually go crazy after that and I just don't know it... I mean I know I def am more irrational now and have irrational thoughts. This is making me feel so anxious and I'm having constant panic tonight and would really like someone's advice or knowledge on what I've explained.

I'm really really freaking out so I'd be so happy if someone could help me :weep:

---------- Post added at 02:50 ---------- Previous post was at 02:10 ----------

Please can someone help, I'm panicking so much thinking about it all :(

[70sgirl]

So sorry some of your friends ditched you at the time when you really needed them. Don't take any notice of them calling you crazy....I too have had times where I felt like I was losing my mind - I'm sure others on here have as well! Mental illness of any kind, including HA, is a very real (and very common) illness and it's important you have a good support network of ppl you can rely on. Do you have a few ppl you can talk to about your worries, who will support you?

[AnxiousGirl1]

There's only a few I can really talk to.

Yeah it just makes me question when so many people left and started spreading certain rumours. Last night I was actually thinking like maybe I have gone crazy and just don't know it and people are right about me.

I mean i'm definitely more irrational then before it happened. And I spend an awful amount of time dwelling on everything thats happened :(

Thanks for your reply

[AnxiousGirl1]

I hope someone can give me some advice, I'm feeling really anxious tonight. I'm just reliving so many bad experiences in my head, feeling literally as bad as when it happened, it's horrible :(

I just want to gain some advice on the matter. Hope someone's had similar or can shed some light on what I've explained :weep:

[RoseEve]

This is almost exactly how my anxiety started. I had a major panic attack while smoking. It almost derailed me. I've suffered with anxiety ever since. But it had gotten much much better.

[AnxiousGirl1]

Yeah almost me too :(

Still feeling pretty down about the whole thing

I don't know what to do about it :( If you could give me any further advice i'd be really grateful

Thanks for your reply

[RoseEve]

You have to give yourself time. I know it's hard because you want instant relief. Put some space between you and the incident. Things will get better in time. Message me if you want to talk. I'm here for you .

[AnxiousGirl1]

It would be good to talk considering you had a similar experience. I'll message you. Thanks

[Izzytheanxietyqueen]

Well what you did you can't regret because it was just one of those things that you learn from and I know it seems like the root of the problem and you wish probably that you never done it at all you must not focus on the past too much I know it's easier said than done but believe me it helped me to look forward and try to distract yourself as much as you can I made lots of plans, saw lots of friends and family people I felt comfortable and safe with generally that I could laugh with. Try to talk through it with some friends and family perhaps some that knew about what happened? They may be able to give you some support and advice for the future. All best wishes to you! Always here x

[KaoruOkami]

Very, very unlikely it was the weed unless you were smoking synthetic. It can cause short-term anxiety, panicking and paranoia that lasts the duration of the high - which is only a few hours. (We call this a 'whitey', very common among newbies the first couple of times.)

It sounds like your anxiety's circular, where you've triggered it and made it worse by becoming more and more anxious over the idea of being anxious. o.O

Best advice is to stop thinking you're crazy - you aren't. You sound far from crazy. You're completely fine! :)

[AnxiousGirl1]

You're right Izzy, it's just really hard :( and i don't really like discussing it but I don't really speak to any of the people who were there at the time it happened anyway (well they don't speak to me).

Thanks KaoruOkami. That's really reassuring. What if it was synthetic weed out of interest? I didn't actually know the people who made the spliff for me so theoretically anything could've been it :/.... however, from what I can remember it seemed like weed when I smoked it.