Question for Drivers

[Elle__4]

Morning :) I have my second driving lesson in a couple of hours. Dreading it, but I've moved to the country and it's now a necessity.

I'm 40 and I've deliberately avoided learning to drive because of the stress it causes me. I used to drive next to my ex husband for a few years and felt ok and quite relaxed....enough to attempt a test. But from the start of the exam I shook so badly that I couldn't even get my hand around the gear stick. Depersonalisation and sweating profusely made sure that I failed spectacularly!

I'm actually finding it hard to write this as I'm mentally starting to detach and I also keep thinking I need the loo. Grr. *Sharp slap to cheek*

My first lesson last week was good and I actually enjoyed it but I was running on courage, autopilot and adrenaline. No control at all really! I couldn't take in any road signs or co-ordinate my actions when reaching junctions and I found it difficult to absorb what he said to me or what was happening on the roads. The instructor didn't give me chance to chat about myself during the drive so that was a relief as he kept me more focused and prevented me rambling. When people start questioning me I end up trying to explain myself too much and then get paranoid and get stuck in cycle. He tried a little chat at the end, I started to sweat and I got a bit tongue tied as my memory went blank (even when he asked what I did for a living) and I was at risk of looking foolish, but thankfully, I made my excuses and left.

I tried telling him in a roundabout way about my anxiety, saying things like, 'I'm a nervous person' and ' I panic about everything' and 'I find it hard to absorb information and my surroundings sometimes' and 'I rush my driving as my head runs at a faster pace than most peoples'. He didn't bat an eyelid, only to say things like, 'Don't worry, that's natural'. I wish I had been more open with him and told him it's more than first time nerves for me. Maybe I'll try and broach that today.

I'm going to try my best to focus even more today and not speak unless I absolutely have to. It's a worry. How can I be a safe driver with Anxiety?? Any tips for my lessons please? How do other anxious drivers cope?

[Sunflower2]

For me I only started to get nervous driving a few years after passing my test, and I worry about not being in control while I'm panicking. But even at my worst, if there's something I need to react to on the road somehow my anxiety goes out the window automatically and I can do everything I've learnt and act safely. All it comes down to is practice, practice, practice! It will get easier once you get a bit more experience driving regularly :)

[AnxietyDJ]

Hi... I can't comment too much on driving in particular, but I definitely think there is a huge benefit in being honest about your fears and anxieties when heading into a situation which you are really worried about (especially when you are dealing with a qualified professional).... 99.9% of the time people are really understanding and helpful, and because they deal with people from all walks of life, every single day, for them your situation is probably not out of the ordinary at all.

Good luck with your lessons - would be great to hear how you get on :)

[Elle__4]

Thankyou so much for the replies.

It's bloody stupid. I've been sat here since my daughter left for school at 8.30 and all I have done is get up, sit down, go to the toilet, eat something random for the sake of it, sit down, get up, get changed, eat something random for the sake of it, sit down, get up, go to the toilet, sit down, get up ... repeat repeat repeat! Argh!

Now I have a headache, can't think straight, keep forgetting the date and can't even tell the time without looking at the clock for about a minute to process the numbers and hands! I go to my lesson in 15 minutes and guess what I have to do now? Sleep!! My stoopid narcolepsy-like cut out moments...the most annoying of my symptoms. Need to lay flat and still so that my hair and clothes don't dishevel as I will wake up and be out of the house within 10 seconds of 'coming to' as is usual. Feel like I'm already going dreamy....

Night night !

---------- Post added at 13:21 ---------- Previous post was at 10:32 ----------

Well, 90 minutes later and I'm just back from my lesson. Today I took the advice to be more open with my instructor and he was cool as a cucumber and just said we would work around me. He had no more questions but he IS very laid back. We set off and I felt alert, calm and in control and was enjoying myself (although I'd still rather not have been there!). Towards the end of the lesson I began to become a bit disorientated and overwhelmed at certain points and he had to talk me through every step and at one time had to manually take over. He didn't slow the teaching down or ask anything, he just reassured me that we could practice those things again next time until I gain control and a fresh, awake approach to them. In a way Im glad he didn't keep asking how I was as it would have opened a can of worms!

I think I realise the points that I seemed to become distracted. It was just after we had had a brief chat about something personable and off the topic of driving. One minute we were talking about food as we were driving down an uneventful straight road and the next I was somewhere busy again and lost my ability to think. For most people, one or two sentences off topic would be nothing. For me, I liked the social, friendly interruption but I pay the price :(

At one point he also asked me about my family and I just told him I do not associate with them as they are not good people. To avoid awkwardness I followed up with 'You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family eh?..' and he laughed and we got on with the lesson, but I think it threw me as I then kept analysing if I should have told him or if I should have lied or if i should have explained further etc. It shook my concentration for about 5 minutes afterwards and then I just seemed to forget it. But now I am back in my house, I can't stop analysing it.

Right at the end of my lesson I began to depersonalise and feel tearful (I didn't cry). I know what caused this..

My partner and I are currently living in derelict houses next door to each other. He owns both houses. We are kind of living in them and having them renovated around us. My partner runs a factory from one of the houses and his staff sit outside on their breaks. When I started my driving lessons I asked my instructor to pick me up away from my house as I was embarrassed to be watched by the factory staff. However, today he asked to drop me off at my house so he could at least see where I lived. I agreed. When we pulled up, I reiterated why I didn't want picking up there; due to the staff. But I then started getting embarrassed at the state of the houses - all boarded up and filthy - and explained they were under renovation. He asked no questions as I knew he needed to get to his next lesson but when I left him I started panicking that he must think the staff is just an excuse and that I was too ashamed to have him see my house. I also started to think that he must wonder how I am living in a derelict house with a child and why my partner and I live in seperate houses. I also started worrying that he must wonder why I moved from my last house in the city to live in a derelict place. Now I am sat here feeling like I don't want to see him again but that I have to in order to explain that the houses are livable inside etc.

I go through this kind of angst every day with everyone, about everything. I'm constantly in turmoil.

The next things today are the school run - talking to all the school mums, teachers, kids etc, and then a Scouts Gliding event tonight where I'll be with more unfamiliar parents and leaders, instructors etc. The problem is, because I am chatty and smiley, I am very approachable and I get a lot of people strolling towards me for company and a chat. It's lovely but It's a lot of pressure. If it goes well, I feel great. If I get too bubbly or talk too much or put my foot in it or say something i later overanalyse, it's debilitating for days.

I just need to sleep again now as I'm exhausted. That 90 minute driving lesson turned out to be a full morning of high anxiety and unrest and then 90 minutes of battling emotions and concentrating and then an afternoon of over analysing and beating myself up!! This is my life.... :wacko:

[Sunflower2]

Congratulations on the driving lesson, the driving itself sounded like it went really well! The main problem will just be the concentrating and to stop being overwhelmed by silly thoughts. Have you had any cbt or tried mindfulness? They are both good for obsessive thoughts and ruminating. I'd be exhausted after 90 minutes driving even without the constant anxiety!

[Elle__4]

This is sweet of you when you have your own issues Kimberley, thankyou.

I didn't really expect anyone to read my essay after my lesson, I think I'm just finding comfort knowing I can offload here, without it just being to a word document!

I'm waiting to be referred to a Psychologist and to be honest, I really can't wait. It's getting beyond a joke living like this. It's like it's taking me 3 days and a stack-load of emotions to deal with something that should be over and done with within minutes and then not thought about again! My head is ram packed. Thank God I don't have work as well tonight - I know I'd cope by going into a fast, hyper state.

Thankyou for your support today guys x

[Sunflower2]

I find that I've learnt so much about mental health issues in the past year that I want to help anyone I can now going through similar things to me! Sort of helps to reinforce the stuff I need to be doing to overcome this too haha! Know how exhausting it can feel like though.

[raggamuffin]

The more you do it the less anxious you'll be. Learning to drive is about building confidence. lacking confidence will make you feel threatened and in danger which will kick in the fight or flight response and away you go again with anxiety or anxiety symptoms. Stick with it, the more you drive the less the anxiety will become and the more empowered you'll eventually feel.

Ed

[Elle__4]

Lovely people... thankyou. You eased my day.

[AnxietyDJ]

One step at a time is the key - it sounds like you overcame the main hurdle of driving with more confidence and assurance (well done!!!) and i'm really glad that your instructor was understanding :)

Keep us updated... Would love to hear how you're getting on :yesyes:

[.Poppy.]

I was a mess when I did my driver's education classes. For me, it was about three and a half weeks where we would go to a classroom for three hours, and then have a little over an hour of driving. I was in a car with three other people plus the instructor, and he told me several times (in front of the others!) that I was the next-to-worst driver in the car.

Which obviously didn't help me with my nerves.

BUT I survived. And you'll survive too! Once you get past the testing - which is worse for your anxiety because the person is scrutinizing what you're doing - you'll be able to actually drive. I think I got much better at driving after I was able to drive alone, because I didn't have to worry about others in the car and I could crank my music and sing along if I felt nervous at all. Now my only real problem with driving is my attention span - if I have too much going on, my mind wanders and I have to work on paying attention to what I'm doing.

As far as your house: he probably wasn't judging you as much as wondering what you're going to do with the place. Most people where I live wouldn't think twice about someone having a house under renovation, but will instead admire the person for taking on such a project and wonder what it will look like when it's finished. That's when the compliments roll in :)

Good luck on the rest of your tests, and I think you'll do great!