Riding the ups & downs

[fduop]

I knew our financial situation would stress me out, and I have the skills within me to pull us out. Yet when I begin to look at the job someone wants me to do, I end up panicking, like it was my first attack.

You know, I can go for days or weeks relatively stress free. Then at the moment I begin to think, "hey, maybe it's time to push the boundaries a little." That's then when the anxiety, the stress, the other symptoms come rushing back.

I'm sure most everyone here understand's when I say, I get so mad at myself when I fail. I know I have the talent, the skills, and the intelligence to do the job. It's just as the stress pours in you panic, you run. But being mad at myself isn't the answer, is it? I take the meds, I see the counselor when I can here, yet two steps forward, one step back. Does anyone relate?

If nothing else, I feel a little better just venting. Which is why I'm so grateful for this forum and everyone who gives supportive words. Thanks.

[HalfJack]

I know exactly what you mean, I have the same problem.
I find that making a list of what I need to do helps. Rather than get overwhelmed by it I just focus on one job at a time and the further down the list I get the prouder I feel. Facing your fear can be one of the best ways to over come it.
It's easy to push yourself too far though, especially if you're frustrated with yourself. Riding the ups and downs is a good way to put it!

[fduop]

I don't know who's quote that is rather it's your's or not, but it's good. Over the weekend I have been laying low just trying to make it till "my ship arrives". Today I have the added pressure of finishing a class project that involves two other classmates. One has delivered their portion, the other waits till the last possible moment. Even though I know this, I'm stressing excessively over it.

The first thing that stressed me was going to my medical doctor tomorrow. The worst part is sitting in that cramped waiting room for hours waiting for the doctor. By the time I see him my blood pressure is through the roof. But I'm gonna hang on, meditate and read so while I wait for my courteous classmate to complete her part. Again, thinks for the quote.

[fduop]

I figured this post would fit better here in ups & downs since it kinda goes along with that. I just completed my finance class last week. Then stated my next class this week. I was really stressed out toward the end of the last course due to some insane Math formulas. Then it seemed I got off on the wrong foot with my current course underestimating the difficulty of the class.

But over the past few days I've really been putting my mediation into practice and let the past be the past, while the future hasn't been written. In doing my best to practice this, I received a "B" in that previous course. And it appears I'm settling into the routine and procedures of this totally different course.

I guess the lesson I'm learning, but failing to remember is, as much as I stress about "things", if I keep a good make it through attitude. Good things will usually bet out the bad.

[fduop]

Even after writing what I did last night (above post) last night was kinda rough. Even today I kinda feel that old specter of uneasiness. But knowing is half the battle and I more than know these things begin. So I'm taking the rest of the afternoon relaxing and centering myself. Hopefully later in the day I'll have a better report of how I feel. I think a key to living with this is to allow myself to feel bad and to continue to work to toward being better.

[fduop]

Maybe I shouldn't mention this, but I live next door to a church in my community. I say that to mention there is a funeral service happening today. My reason for bring this up is, as life marches through time, things like funerals, weddings, and cherishing remind us that things change. Everyday in everyones life joy, sadness, or indifference occurs. And while, I have no clue who's getting buried today. I'm sure there are people that are sad to see that person go.

I guess I should take this as a small reminder that life is precious and to not take too many moments for granted. To remember everyday to breathe in and breathe out, and to drink in the life giving breathes we are given.