feeling down due to my social anxieties and a lack of self confidence

[lifeisabullet89]

Hi everyone. I'm not a regular visitor to this website/forum and it's only recently that I decided to go back on this website after what must have been a good few years.

Anyway yeah I was apprehensive about posting this thread as I was afraid that people would judge me which I know is silly as a lot of people on this website can empathise with me or are at least understand more than your average joe as they themselves have or are suffering from mental health related issues.
I'm a 25 year old man who still lives at home with his parents and suffers from anxieties and mild depression. My anxieties aren't a constant thing so they do go up and down and I will go through periods of being unhappy and anxious where I'll only leave the house to go to work, and then periods where I'm very social and see my friends on a regular basis, go to gigs/festivals, go to pubs/bars etc. It's just for the past few months I have become my own worst enemy and I have found that my anxieties have increased tenfold. To explain myself better I'll give you an example of my typical day.

I wake up struggling to get out of bed as I have a headache and feel very tired, I then drive to work scared that I might have an accident or get into a confrontation (I seem to get road rage quite a lot).
When I arrive at work I say Hi to my colleagues but keep conversations to a minimum as I am afraid I might embarrass my self. Then I spend the whole day mentally "beating my self up" as I go about my day to day tasks. This is incredibly frustrating as it slows down even the simplest of tasks and means I waste time worrying if my work is going to be of standard. Then I spend coffee breaks in silence whilst my other colleagues talk about their lives and what they have been up to after work or on the weekend. I occasionally contribute to the conversation if I feel it's a subject I am familiar with TV show, video game, film etc but the majority of the time I find it easier not to talk. Then I go home feeling mentally exhausted as I have spent the whole day criticising my self and regretting any conversation I have/haven't had.
So when I finally get home all I want to do is play my games console or watch TV, I try and avoid my friends invitations to go to a pub or hang out. It's been a lot harder for me now the majority of my friends are in relationships and I end up being the third wheel. I avoid any invitation to go to a BBQ or gathering at a friends house due to the fact that there are too many friends there for me to interact with, my brain can't cope with it.

So yeah I thought I would write this post to vent some of my frustrations and hopefully hear back from individuals who maybe are going through a similar thing. I am currently seeking help from my GP and I do receive counselling sessions. I have been receiving counselling/psychotherapy since I was in my late teens and it has helped my immensely. Also I find that writing a diary helps too, even if I don't fill in an entry every single day it's just getting those negative thoughts out of my head and onto paper.

Anyway I apologise for this massive essay, If any one reads it all the way through all I can say is thanks for taking the time and making the effort to see what I'm rambling on about :)

[AnxietyDJ]

Hey - glad you decided to post... You don't have to worry about being judged here! I can definitely relate to social anxiety (amongst other forms). I am really struggling with anything that involves going out to work or a public place and then having to interact with or be surrounded by people - even those that I know really well. I also tend to over-analyse everything related to work now - i.e. if I am sending an email, I'll read it about 50 times, even if it is only two lines long, just to ensure there are no errors (even though I have already checked it and made sure).

Hopefully you can find some help on the forums - everyone is really friendly and there is a lot of great info... I only signed up earlier this week and I've already had a big boost from being here :)

Anyway, hope to hear from you again and take care!

[lifeisabullet89]

Thank you :), yeah this forum seems very useful. I should have used it more in the past to prevent relapses.

It's good to have someone like your self to relate to. I have exactly the same problem with over-analysing any work I do, or for that matter sentences I write be it on paper or typing in an email. If I was to re-write my CV for example it would probably take me well over an hour, even with all the information to hand because I would constantly doubt anything I wrote in a paragraph meaning I would probably edit a single paragraph a dozen times.

It gets to the point at work where I find a 10/15 minute job will take me double the amount of time because I have no faith in what I am doing so I keep coming back to it. This is somewhat frustrating to say the least.

So what anxieties do you have? If you don't mind me asking of course.

You were saying you dislike being around large groups of people, do you have any tips for going into public places on your own and remaining calm?

Thanks again

[AnxietyDJ]

No problem!

Well, in general terms I suffer from anxiety and depression, but obviously they are really multi-faceted things, so I tend to have different symptoms at different times and in different situations.

I don't really have any good tips for overcoming the social anxiety, other than to try and focus on the fact that you have been in this exact same situation many times before and nothing has ever gone wrong.... That said, I am only just starting down the road of treatment and (hopefully) recovery, so obviously, it would be best to take anything I say with a pinch of salt and seek the correct advice from your GP :)

It can be so frustrating, especially because at times I feel like a certain thing is going well, only for the anxiety to strike totally out of the blue and completely ruin everything... Do you have any things you do to help you cope?

[lifeisabullet89]

Thank you for sharing that with me, it's good to be open about anything that's on your mind/or going on in your head. I am a firm believer of the saying "better out than in" I know every time I get the opportunity to share my thoughts with someone I feel so much happier inside after I have spoke to them. Unfortunately the effects of this are short term but either way it helps somewhat.

Congrats on being able to talk about what you are suffering from. It's even better that you are seeking help for your anxieties and depression. I remember how overwhelmed I was when I first discovered I had anxieties, I was truly shocked! I just thought I was an introverted person who worried too much but it wasn't until I nearly had a panic attack, from being asked to take photos in a classroom as part photography assignment that I realised things weren't right. I mean I physically couldn't set foot in this year 9 classroom to take photos of them building models :scared15: !!! Even though that was 8 years a go and I was a teenager at the time it still really makes me feel frustrated.

Anyway what do I find helps me? Personally for me psychotherapy, reading literature about anxieties, talking to close friends and/or individuals I can trust and writing a diary about my thoughts each day help. As I said before I can't really keep my thoughts bottled up, aside from headaches I just generally feel stressed and upset if I do.

Although for me out of all the options I have listed I would recommend counselling/psychotherapy the most. I have been able to address loads of issues as a result of talking to a trained mental health professional, and have even discovered triggers I wasn't aware of. However that's just my opinion, what I would say is try a variety of options and you should find something that works for you :)

[AnxietyDJ]

Cool, I am hoping to get some counselling sessions through the NHS (when that will be though, who knows!), so fingers crossed they are helpful :)

Yes, it's definitely good to talk (thanks BT) and share your thoughts and worries with other people. Unfortunately, I haven't really told all of my friends yet, which I will hopefully do in time... I'm worried what they'll make of it tbh :( Luckily though I have managed to speak with a couple of them and they were really great - in fact one of them had also gone to the GP in the past due to depression, which made my sigh in relief (in the nicest possible way - I obviously don't wish depression on anyone else!) and made me begin to see that it really wasn't only me suffering.

It's a long road ahead, but i'm determined to get there :)

Hope you've had a good day!

[jefferina]

Hi lifeisabullet89 seen your post the other day and have been meaning to write back when I had time... Wanted to say welcome to the site and to let you no your not alone in what your feeling.... I too suffer with social anxiety which has caused depression for me too... I've always been shy so always suffered my whole life really on and off but the last two years for me have been very difficult where I have almost completed isolated myself.i really fear going red and blotchy infront of people so much so I really struggle seeing anyone at times.I'm slowing trying to change this.... I face my fear of seeing people as often as I can but it's not easy... I've just joined a gym as exercise helps plus it forces me to be around people, keep hydrated, eat as healthy as I can eat foods that help with anxiety such as bananas blueberries seasame seeds Greek yoghurt salmon etc....get fresh air daily, try to meditate daily,drink camomile tea.... I think the main key to recovery is to face your fears a bit at a time till eventually your not afraid anymore.. Just try to do something everyday no matter how small... I'm trying to say I can instead of I can't.... I have a long way to go but I'm on my way I won't give up and neither should you.. Goodluck to you :)

[lifeisabullet89]

Hi jefferina. Thanks a lot for your post and for sharing your thoughts and experiences of anxiety with me. As you said I'm not alone and every time I hear another individual who is suffering from anxieties it reinforces that point which is a good thing. Although I'm genuinely sorry to hear that you too are having trouble.

It sounds to me like you have a very proactive approach to making your self better which is excellent. I think it's great you're going to a GYM on your own, as you rightly pointed out exercise can help immensely because of endorphins and just the fact your improve your fitness levels can be a major self esteem booster.
I must admit at this moment in time the idea going to a public place to exercise (alone) is a scary thought but it's something I hope to do eventually. When things are going well with me I don't have any trouble going swimming or jogging by my self but lately I have found I need a friend with me if I'm to go anywhere to exercise.

So have you ever found counselling or psychotherapy helpful or have you never been down that route?

I also wish you luck for the future and have a strong feeling that you'll get over these issues in time :)

---------- Post added at 22:38 ---------- Previous post was at 22:28 ----------

@ AnxietyDJ

Good to hear you've chatted to a couple of your friends about what you're going through. That's a huge step and equally a huge positive! I'm always apprehensive about talking to people about my anxieties but I always feel happier if I push my self to do so. It's hard to know how people will react and whether or not they will be able to empathise or even provide you with sympathy but even if they don't understand you've been able to talk about something that's not an easy subject to talk about. In other words you (or anyone else who is willing to talk about their problems) deserves a pat on the back.

As for the whole referral process I know where you're coming from it can take a while before you receive your counselling sessions but I hope you don't have to wait to long to receive them :).

PS sorry for the late reply I don't always go on this website regularly because of work

[applecore]

You're doing all the right things - asking for help from your GP and coming here to share your frustrations and fears and unhappiness.

You are most certainly not alone. I have always been a shy person, but my social anxiety is now through the roof and apart from going to work (where I totally dread any social encounters, of course!) I hardly ever leave the house. It's not really the person I am - I enjoy the company of others, and have lots of interests, but am just so fearful all the time. Like jefferina, my face goes red with shyness and embarassment and shame ALL THE TIME, and it makes me just want to hide under my duvet day and night, which I often do.

Let us know how everything goes for you. Life is so difficult when you feel this way,

[electrical_stormgirl]

I can totally relate to this- sometimes I'm fine and quite chatty, then I go through periods where I feel really introverted and dread any kind of interaction. I've just been moved onto a phones team at work which makes it worse although they're looking into transferring me back. They're a really extrovert loud team and I hate it, can't wait to get home each day :wacko:

[KeeKee]

I don't really have any advice, but feel I can relate.
I have always been a little shy and different, but this past year has been the absolute worst! I feel uncomfortable even in front of my family.

We are currently claiming ESA (my partner works part time) and although I feel unable to work, it has come to the point where I have no other choice.

I feel like I am worthless, boring, annoying person.
I am told I am miserable and 'weird' for not enjoying the same things as most others. It bothers me beyond belief and I have recently taken a dislike to people in general as I feel they are all the same (not us lot of course :D) - judgmental.

[applecore]

I feel uncomfortable even in front of my family.


This is so painful isn't it? Not being able to spend time even with your family (and in my case, my partner) without feeling uncomfortable and scared.

---------- Post added at 14:16 ---------- Previous post was at 14:10 ----------


am told I am miserable and 'weird' for not enjoying the same things as most others. It bothers me beyond belief and I have recently taken a dislike to people in general as I feel they are all the same (not us lot of course :D) - judgmental.

I don't think we are so weird KeeKee, or there wouldn't be so many people hanging out on this site! But it can feel very lonely, when everyone else seems to cope so well with social situations. There's a stigma about saying that you struggle with this stuff though - I suspect there are more people like us out there. They just don't want to admit to it.

People have implied that I am unfriendly for not being able to go to parties etc. I don't consider myself unfriendly at all - at work, I go out of my way to support people when they are struggling, and to welcome new staff etc. I just get anxious in groups - it's not a crime, but you'd think it was, the way some people react.

[KeeKee]

People have implied that I am unfriendly for not being able to go to parties etc. I don't consider myself unfriendly at all - at work, I go out of my way to support people when they are struggling, and to welcome new staff etc. I just get anxious in groups - it's not a crime, but you'd think it was, the way some people react.
It's very unsettling isn't it. I have been told that I am ignorant for not speaking to complete strangers.
I also think I am a kind, considerate person but nobody else sees it. My ex colleagues and friends have managed to like me, so why do my family see it differently?

Yes it is awful, it must be even worse to feel that way around your partner, my partner and I are having a rough time at the moment but I still feel able to cry to him and let him know how I am feeling.

[jefferina]

Hello just seen your post... I've had some therapy sessions before which were based on cbt ... Didn't find it that helpful to be honest... All I had was 5phonecalls so pointless... I've had hypnosis a few times too.. I just think sometimes if your not in the right frame of mind nothing works really... Could you maybe get some exercise DVDs so that you can do them at home? Maybe once you start a little exercise it might help you build up to going out to exercise? That's what I did to start with. It's strange that I can go to a gym and feel ok the only reason I can think of is because I feel it's one of the few places that when I go red I don't stand out because everyone else is red... So suppose I ain't bothered just need to apply this everywhere else I go ... Easier said then done... I really hope you are ok and doing well xx

[Brunette]

I'm an introvert but I'm of the opinion that you like it or lump it. Am I doing a good enough job? Fine, then let me carrying on doing it my way. I don't get paid extra for attending social events and I'm not planning to become a flight steward or a TV presenter or anthing that requires that type of personality any time soon so it shouldn't matter to anybody.

lifeisabullet: do you have a regular performance review? Does that generally go OK? If so, stop worrying about your work.