What physical symptoms does your anxiety produce?

[Linda01818]

I guess I'm trying to find reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm in pain pretty much 24/7. Joint pain, mostly. My doctor told me I have bursitis, but I think it goes much deeper than that. I worry constantly (and irrationally) about my health and I think all that's doing is making my physical symptoms worse. I'm lightheaded most of the time, my body aches so badly there are days I literally hobble around like I'm 90 years old and some nights I have chest pain or other shooting/stabbing aches and pains that wake me up out of a sound sleep. The more pain I have, the more I worry and that causes more pain. Round and round and round I go, pretty much, like I said, 24/7. My ativan helps with the dizziness, but no amount of painkillers helps the joint pain.

What physical symptoms/ailments do you deal with on a regular basis that you believe to be directly related to your anxiety?

[HalfJack]

Headaches, blurred vision, lightheadedness, chest pains, joint pain, muscle spasms, nausea, digestive issues, fainting, fatigue, hyperventilating, sweating, shaking... you name it!

After about 5 years of experiencing anxiety I thought I wouldn't have any surprises because I knew "how my body reacts to it" but last year I got a whole new set of symptoms, but once I calmed down they eased.
I tend to get a few now and then but they're not the constant concern as I once feared they would be.
Be it stress or not, being as happy and relaxed as possible is always good for your health. Having a good relationship with your doctor is pretty helpful too! x

[worrier 82]

Dizzy, weird pressure head, clamminess, palputations, nausea, loose bowels, burping aches and pains lightheaded sensitive to light and sound I think they all related to anxiety anyway :/

[Linda01818]

You guys sound like me.

I think the worst thing for me is the dizziness. I would gladly put up with the aches and pains if the dizziness would go away completely. Rarely am I ever dizzy enough to where I feel like I'm going to pass out (unless I'm having an actual panic attack) but my GAWD, my head floating 5 inches from my body all the time just drives me up the wall. It frustrates me, it depresses me and I just hate that feeling.

[KaoruOkami]

Sweats, chills, sometimes hot flashes, chest tightness/heaviness, breathing difficulties, aches, lightheadedness/dizziness, shaking, drowsiness, not pleasant. :/

---------- Post added at 22:29 ---------- Previous post was at 22:20 ----------

Forgot to mention the blasted lump in throat sensation that never goes away.

[Linda01818]

Oh my goodness, we're all a mess, aren't we? :unsure:

No, KaoruOkami, you're absolutely right, it ISN'T pleasant. I really should go back on the citalopram, but I chickened out. I keep thinking about all the crazy side-effects I dealt with for the first 2-3 weeks and that scares me away from it. But I can't argue that once past all that mess, it made me feel so much better. I'm just terrified of going through those side-effects. But I do have my ativan. I've read from several people that they were prescribed benzos specifically to get them through the initial starting period of taking SSRI's.

I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. But I can't deny that the cit took away the anxiety. It made a huge difference in my life. But after a few years I weaned myself off of it, thinking I could get through life without it. And I did really good for a couple of years. But the anxiety is coming back, creeping its stinking rotten way right back into my life again and I hate it so much. I wish it would just go away and leave me alone.

:weep:

[KaoruOkami]

All the best people are messes. Absolutely bonkers. ;)

Refused all medication on account of the side-effects, plus the idea of being somewhat detached from the world is just terrifying. Do have ways of managing it, but the last few weeks I haven't left the house much or done anything particularly interesting, leaving far too much free time to think and overthink everything. That's what triggers it for me. o.o

[Izzytheanxietyqueen]

I get a lot of muscle pain, aches, sickness sometimes vomiting, headaches and shaking leading to feeling very faint and also frequent urination xxx

[Linda01818]

All the best people are messes. Absolutely bonkers. ;)

Refused all medication on account of the side-effects, plus the idea of being somewhat detached from the world is just terrifying. Do have ways of managing it, but the last few weeks I haven't left the house much or done anything particularly interesting, leaving far too much free time to think and overthink everything. That's what triggers it for me. o.o

My biggest trigger is nighttime. Because I have time to lie there thinking about everything before I fall asleep and omg, the horrifying scenarios that go through my head. It drives me nuts. I'm gonna die of something or something will happen to my son or my house will catch fire when I'm not home or I'll die in a car accident or I'll die of some dread disease.... it never ends. I wish our brains had an on/off switch and I can just flip the damn thing off when it's getting on my nerves.

You are correct, however, about be detached. The cit took away my anxiety, but it took away everything else as well. I couldn't cry to save my life and I basically just floated through life, not really giving much of a crap about anything. But now, to be honest, I miss not giving a sh**.

I really appreciate everyone's responses. I hate you're all going through this, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. I mean, I know there are many anxiety sufferers out there, but sometimes just hearing it from others can help me realize that I'm not totally insane, nor am I necessarily dying of some bizarre illness.

[KaoruOkami]

My biggest trigger is nighttime. Because I have time to lie there thinking about everything before I fall asleep and omg, the horrifying scenarios that go through my head. It drives me nuts. I'm gonna die of something or something will happen to my son or my house will catch fire when I'm not home or I'll die in a car accident or I'll die of some dread disease.... it never ends. I wish our brains had an on/off switch and I can just flip the damn thing off when it's getting on my nerves.

You are correct, however, about be detached. The cit took away my anxiety, but it took away everything else as well. I couldn't cry to save my life and I basically just floated through life, not really giving much of a crap about anything. But now, to be honest, I miss not giving a sh**.

I really appreciate everyone's responses. I hate you're all going through this, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. I mean, I know there are many anxiety sufferers out there, but sometimes just hearing it from others can help me realize that I'm not totally insane, nor am I necessarily dying of some bizarre illness.


Know the feeling! Every night I convince myself I'm slowly dying of a serious rare illness. This time it's lung cancer. Tomorrow I'm for my fourth doctor's appointment and going to demand an X-ray to rule it out, then after that it'll be concentrating solely on not convincing myself I'm dying. ^_^

You aren't (totally :P) insane, and you aren't dying either. We just gotta stick together!

[Linda01818]

Know the feeling! Every night I convince myself I'm slowly dying of a serious rare illness. This time it's lung cancer. Tomorrow I'm for my fourth doctor's appointment and going to demand an X-ray to rule it out, then after that it'll be concentrating solely on not convincing myself I'm dying. ^_^

You aren't (totally :P) insane, and you aren't dying either. We just gotta stick together!

Haha, I'm way ahead of ya, I've already been down the lung cancer route. Which reminds me, I need to get x-rays as well, LOL

And the chest pains I get, yep, heart attack. Any second. The aches and pains in my body? Bone cancer or better yet, lung cancer that's spread to my bones (genuine fear there, that's what happened to my dad).

Weird headache? Brain tumor. Oh and here's one for ya... I'll try and be NOT so gross as much as I can, but I had a couple of bm's that were yellow. So my stupid butt googles "yellow stools" and suddenly I'm calling local drugstores to see if they have a Hepatitis C test kit I can purchase because I think there's something wrong with my liver.

You know... I never used to be like this. When I was younger, I was always one to take chances and didn't really think about the outcome or the circumstances. I'd pop diet pills (before they banned ephedrine) while drinking alcohol (not exactly living dangerously, but this is leading me to my point) and if someone would say, "You're gonna kill yourself doing that," I'd just shrug my shoulders and would instantly say, "If this don't kill me, something else will."

Now I'm so pill-phobic I won't even take prescribed medication, with the exception of my ativan that has literally saved my behind more than once, and have learned over the years that google is NOT my friend.

But you're right, we gotta stick together. And I keep trying to tell myself something that I heard once, that 80% of our fears are based on things that will probably never happen. But here's the thing... instead of just living my life and enjoying it, I'm wasting it thinking about "what if's". Seriously, I'm wasting so much time. And if I live to be 80 without all of these horrible complications I think about 24/7, I'm gonna kick myself in the behind for wasting my life instead of enjoying it when I was young enough to enjoy it. I'm no spring chicken, but I'm not old, either. Or, as my cousin always says, "I'm too old to be young but I'm too young to be old."

Damn. What the hell's wrong with us??? We need to get our acts together.

:buttkick:

[Magic]

Aches and pains, tiredness, worn out feeling, itching. list goes on and on.
Must get myself sorted. Need to be fit.:doh:

[dac0273]

Pains in my back , down my left side , headaches , vibrations in legs , pins and needles neck pain shooting pains in arms , pressure on my nose and all round my head , it's a nightmare , I'm going for lung X-ray also as I'm worried bout lung cancer , believe me you are not alone , I thought I was until I found this site. . Yep we need to stick together x

[Linda01818]

I hear you guys loud and clear ;)

[Presto]

I get a dodgy eye, light deflects from it and it feels weird and blury, I get truck loads of floaters all the time, I also get heavy feeling arms and legs they ache all the time, these are all my triggers and sets off my anxiety making me feel panicked worried and feel sick thinking I have something wrong with me. My dr assures me it's just anxiety but getting achey heavy arms and legs makes me really worried, sometimes I get them all the time then it goes completely but just lately it's everyday. I was hoping people would make me feel better by saying they have this too :-/ x

[Dutch93]

Sweaty hands, sweating, neck pain, headache, sore throat etc.

[Linda01818]

I get a dodgy eye, light deflects from it and it feels weird and blury, I get truck loads of floaters all the time, I also get heavy feeling arms and legs they ache all the time, these are all my triggers and sets off my anxiety making me feel panicked worried and feel sick thinking I have something wrong with me. My dr assures me it's just anxiety but getting achey heavy arms and legs makes me really worried, sometimes I get them all the time then it goes completely but just lately it's everyday. I was hoping people would make me feel better by saying they have this too :-/ x

Well, definitely have your doctor make sure it's nothing more than anxiety, but yes, anxiety can cause all sorts of physical symptoms. It's amazing how powerful the mind is, that it can literally control your body. As for aches in arms and legs, I live with it every day. Some days I can barely move around. As for the 'heavy' feeling, I know what you mean. Some days it feels like my legs weigh 10 tons.

[missfishlash]

chest pains, cant get a decent breath without yawning,aching legs,leg cramps, shoulder pain, pins and needles on left side, drink to much to block it all out....apart from that...lifes good :) lol

[Linda01818]

chest pains, cant get a decent breath without yawning,aching legs,leg cramps, shoulder pain, pins and needles on left side, drink to much to block it all out....apart from that...lifes good :) lol

I'm with ya on the drinking. I drink too much as well. Another 'vicious circle' for me - when I'm drinking I feel better, but the alcohol only makes my anxiety worse.

[Cambrian49]

I'm with ya on the drinking. I drink too much as well. Another 'vicious circle' for me - when I'm drinking I feel better, but the alcohol only makes my anxiety worse.

Same here - never have any horrible symptoms when I'm drinking but then hangovers are even worse with anxiety !

[GingerFish]

Long term physical effects of my anxiety are mainly severe upper back pain from the muscles always being clenched. I was given Valium for my back pain but I find that pain numbing cream works best. I'm also more achy overall and more tired as I don't sleep well most nights.

[Linda01818]

Same here - never have any horrible symptoms when I'm drinking but then hangovers are even worse with anxiety !

Very true. I usually only drink more heavily on the weekends, though. Although I drink during the week (I drink just about every night) I keep it to a nice comfy buzz, then quit. But on the weekends I overdo it and kick myself in the arse when I feel like crap all the next day.

---------- Post added at 10:40 ---------- Previous post was at 10:31 ----------

I'd also like to say that I appreciate each and every one of you who have chimed in. I read all of the posts and I feel for you wholeheartedly. And I often wonder... is this something that will eventually pass with time? Or is it something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life?

Essentially, panic and anxiety are, for lack of a better description, brain disorders. And that bothers me. Technically I'm 'mentally ill', or not mentally stable. And I know anxiety affects millions of people worldwide. But I sometimes think why me? How did this happen? What triggered it? What's going on inside my brain that's so bad my brain can't handle it? (because I read once that anxiety is a defense mechanism and that made pretty good sense). Is it suppressed feelings or events that happened in my childhood? Or is it something I brought on myself by overthinking everything?

What do you guys think? Do any of you have any theories as to why anxiety happens? Do you have any theories as to why YOUR anxiety happened? I would REALLY love to know your thoughts on this.

[Cags48]

Bowel issues , cold sweats , a feeling of being in a tunnel , I start googling colon cancer and I make myself physically Ill...........

[raggamuffin]

I wrote a list a few weeks ago:

Tingling anywhere on the face, neck or head
Numbness on the face neck or head
Hot flashes in the face
Redness of of the Face
Dizziness
Light headed Problems
Pains that shoot through the head
Teeth Grinding
Teeth Clenching
Sore Jaw Muscles
Jaw clicking
Left arm pains - aching, shooting, crushing
Chest pains - sharp, dull, pressure (lasting a split second to days)
Rib pain - severely tender to the touch
Tailbone pain - severe discomfort sitting down
Tendon pains in fingers and arms
Shoulder pain
Neck pain
Headaches (lasting weeks at a time, with no relief from pain killers)
Back pain - upper, lower, mid (sometimes utterly debilitating)
Toothache (sometimes unbearable pain when eating)
Lump in thethroat
Hard to swallow
Feels like you are swallowing over a something in your mouth or throat
Chronic phlegm whenever you swallow
Dry Mouth
Dry Lips
Metallic taste in mouth
A floating feeling especially when you close your eyes or lean your head back.
Dizziness and difficulty maintaining balance at times
Ringing in the ears
Excessive coughing without a physical reason
Blurred vision
Very hard to focus at times
Tricks from the eyes (fleeting, corner of the eye phenomena)
Eyes that try hard to focus all the time
Eye aches and persistent eye disorders (cysts, styes etc)
Persistent muscle aches and pains
Easily startled
Thoughts easily interrupted
Muscles that won't let go or stay tight all the time
Sleep Disorders
Bad Dreams, Violent Dreams and Frequent Nightmares
Impending fear or Impending feeling of doom
Feeling like you need to move all the time
Mind or thoughts that won't slow down
Constantly remembering things to do
Feeling giddy for no reason
Unnatural bursts of energy (which can quickly lead to panic attacks if you are feeling overly negative)
Thinking you have a serious disease (usually one after the other due to persistent pain and symptoms)
Becoming frightened of many different things
A lot of deja vu feelings
Feeling separated or disconnected from reality
Feelings of giving up (no fight left in you)
Unable to connect with good feelings (or find them)
Obsessions about your health (mental and physical)
Obsessions about your body
Creating more obsessions in your mind
"Over and Over" type thinking
Feeling like the caretaker of everybody
Feeling like the weight of the world is on you
Feeling out of place in social situations
Muscle contraction and spasms
Muscles that lock up
Pain the prostate (difficulties and pain urinating)
Prostatitis
Testicular pain (lasting 1 year virtually constantly)
Nausea
Vomiting along with persistent nausea
Feeling full or hungry constantly
Little or no interest in sex
Or Extremely high sexy drive (it can work one way or the other or both consecutively)
Excess sweating
Tingling in the extremities or along the back or in the arms and yes even in the trunk of the body
Panic Attacks
Panic Situations
Severe musclular pain and cramps
Extreme felling of guilt
Extreme feeling of being found out
Excessive paranoia
Short temper
Muscle fatigue that can result in not doing physical activity
Headaches
Dizziness
IBS
Extreme stomach upset
Thinking that you have some disease (usually one after another)
Doctors can't find anything wrong yet symptoms persist
Consuming negative thoughts
Loss of control over body
Loss of control over mind (thoughts)
Lightning that jolts you either awake or to
Calming at the touch of another is dead giveaway of anxiety disorder
No peaceful thoughts
Can't quiet the mind
Irrational thoughts
Skin Rashes
Eczema
Severe Itching
Very Sensitive Skin
Flushed body or face
Hard to heal scars
Excess Acne
Acne that takes a long time to go away
Numbness and Tinling
Tingling and pain when touched
Pain and tingling in fingers and toes, feet and hands especially when touched
Bloating
Excess Gas
Irritable bowel type issues
Frequent Diarrhea
Frequent Urination
Stomach muscles pulse when you use the bathroom
Upper stomach upset
Feelings of fullness in the stomach or diaphragm
Feel like stomach gets in the way of breathing
Vomiting
Mind chatter keeps you awake
Sleeping all the time
Or not Sleeping very much (the sleeping patterns can rotate)
Hard to see the bright side of the day first thing in the morning (mornings are the worst and late at night)
Waking up in sheer panic

Ed

[Linda01818]

Holy !!! Now that's a list.

And Cags, stay away from Google. It's evil, LOL

[Fishmanpa]

Good Night Ed!... I had cancer, two heart attacks, bypass surgery and stents and I don't have even a fraction of the physical symptoms you described! ;)

Positive thoughts

[lior]

Essentially, panic and anxiety are, for lack of a better description, brain disorders. And that bothers me. Technically I'm 'mentally ill', or not mentally stable. And I know anxiety affects millions of people worldwide. But I sometimes think why me? How did this happen? What triggered it? What's going on inside my brain that's so bad my brain can't handle it? (because I read once that anxiety is a defense mechanism and that made pretty good sense). Is it suppressed feelings or events that happened in my childhood? Or is it something I brought on myself by overthinking everything?

What do you guys think? Do any of you have any theories as to why anxiety happens? Do you have any theories as to why YOUR anxiety happened? I would REALLY love to know your thoughts on this.

Good question.
I was depressed before I was anxious. Now, instead of becoming depressed in tough situations, I'm more likely to become anxious. I don't know why.

I get anxious in times when I feel like I don't know what I'm meant to do, especially when I'm being measured against someone else's criteria that I don't understand. I need to do a brilliant job at everything, and if I don't know if I'm doing well, or if I feel I'm doing something wrong or badly, I feel anxious. Consumingly anxious.

So maybe it comes from being conditioned my whole life to excel at everything I do, and aim for perfection. The problem is I can't feel satisfied with anything I do - nothing is ever good enough. Even my greatest achievements - it can take me months to accept I did a particular thing really well.

[Linda01818]

Good question.
I was depressed before I was anxious. Now, instead of becoming depressed in tough situations, I'm more likely to become anxious. I don't know why.

I get anxious in times when I feel like I don't know what I'm meant to do, especially when I'm being measured against someone else's criteria that I don't understand. I need to do a brilliant job at everything, and if I don't know if I'm doing well, or if I feel I'm doing something wrong or badly, I feel anxious. Consumingly anxious.

So maybe it comes from being conditioned my whole life to excel at everything I do, and aim for perfection. The problem is I can't feel satisfied with anything I do - nothing is ever good enough. Even my greatest achievements - it can take me months to accept I did a particular thing really well.

Pretty good theories, yep. I mean, if no doctor can pinpoint where our anxiety came from, then it's up to us to do it. Although, truthfully, we'll probably never know for sure.

If I were to take a guess as to why this 'mental illness' took over my life, the only thing I can come up with is what I went through growing up, living with an alcoholic mother, basically having to take care of her and she nearly put me in the hospital a few times with a nervous breakdown. Add to that a father who disowned me, wanting nothing to do with me once he and my mother divorced, I would say that's a pretty good recipe for mental disaster. And that's not even the half of it. I could tell you stories that would make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, but there's no point in reliving any of it. Both of my parents are gone and I'm not unhappy about that. Once they died I was able to finally go on with my life and concentrate on the most important thing in the world to me -- my son.

But, in a nutshell, my mother put me through hell. I'm not blaming her directly because I don't like blaming other people for my problems. But perhaps it finally caught up with me later in life because I would tend to keep a lot of things bottled when I was younger. And if that's the case, it caught up to me, alright... with a vengeance.

[nokindofhero]

Heavy heartbeat that shakes my body and I can see it beating through my ribs
Perceived tingling or numbness in left arm
Depersonalisation
Shallow and shaky breathing
Occasional out of body experiences during stress
Perceived high blood pressure from standing
Dizziness
Existentialism and tunnel vision (absolute worst)
Dark circles under eyes
Eye twitching (I usually fear stroke during this.)
PVCs and PACs.
Hyperventilating
Crushing sensation on both arms
Sensation of throat closing up
Weakness
Muscle spasms
Shooting pains, localized deep pains
Tachycardia of about 120-130bpm
Perceived faint pulse
Bradycardia of less than 50bpm
Shaking, trembling
Acid reflux
Deep burning in stomach

I think my worst symptoms are the mental ones.

The obsession of afterlife
Dwelling on the process of human body shutting down
Pure unfamiliarity
Complete loneliness even near someone, feeling pulled away
Thinking of the universe and human progress and those who have contributed to every little thing we use and take for granted like tap water, electricity, roads and highways, facilities and corporations that manage them.
What legacy I will leave behind
Who will remember me
Will I express myself enough and be understood deeply
The beastial mentality of thugs, serial killers and agonizingly inhumane death
Feeling trapped in a false reality

The mental becomes overwhelming, hitting all at once and I very deeply question my purpose and value as a human being and wildly consider suicide very often as an approach to controlling my death and being prepared

[Leslie735]

Pretty good theories, yep. I mean, if no doctor can pinpoint where our anxiety came from, then it's up to us to do it. Although, truthfully, we'll probably never know for sure.

If I were to take a guess as to why this 'mental illness' took over my life, the only thing I can come up with is what I went through growing up, living with an alcoholic mother, basically having to take care of her and she nearly put me in the hospital a few times with a nervous breakdown. Add to that a father who disowned me, wanting nothing to do with me once he and my mother divorced, I would say that's a pretty good recipe for mental disaster. And that's not even the half of it. I could tell you stories that would make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, but there's no point in reliving any of it. Both of my parents are gone and I'm not unhappy about that. Once they died I was able to finally go on with my life and concentrate on the most important thing in the world to me -- my son.

But, in a nutshell, my mother put me through hell. I'm not blaming her directly because I don't like blaming other people for my problems. But perhaps it finally caught up with me later in life because I would tend to keep a lot of things bottled when I was younger. And if that's the case, it caught up to me, alright... with a vengeance.

Have you ever looked into TMS? Seriously, you just described it pretty much.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/

[Linda01818]

Have you ever looked into TMS? Seriously, you just described it pretty much.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/

I'm not sure what I described in the post you quoted, other than what may have caused my anxiety. Perhaps you're talking about earlier posts of mine?

I've never looked into TMS, I didn't even know it existed. But in looking that up following your link, I also found MBS. These things appear to be related to back pain and other pains of the body when everything else has already been ruled out. I have bursitis, as diagnosed by my doctor, so that's what I'm assuming is causing most of my pain. Honestly, I'm not so sure it isn't arthritis.

[Linda01818]

Heavy heartbeat that shakes my body and I can see it beating through my ribs
Perceived tingling or numbness in left arm
Depersonalisation
Shallow and shaky breathing
Occasional out of body experiences during stress
Perceived high blood pressure from standing
Dizziness
Existentialism and tunnel vision (absolute worst)
Dark circles under eyes
Eye twitching (I usually fear stroke during this.)
PVCs and PACs.
Hyperventilating
Crushing sensation on both arms
Sensation of throat closing up
Weakness
Muscle spasms
Shooting pains, localized deep pains
Tachycardia of about 120-130bpm
Perceived faint pulse
Bradycardia of less than 50bpm
Shaking, trembling
Acid reflux
Deep burning in stomach

I think my worst symptoms are the mental ones.

The obsession of afterlife
Dwelling on the process of human body shutting down
Pure unfamiliarity
Complete loneliness even near someone, feeling pulled away
Thinking of the universe and human progress and those who have contributed to every little thing we use and take for granted like tap water, electricity, roads and highways, facilities and corporations that manage them.
What legacy I will leave behind
Who will remember me
Will I express myself enough and be understood deeply
The beastial mentality of thugs, serial killers and agonizingly inhumane death
Feeling trapped in a false reality

The mental becomes overwhelming, hitting all at once and I very deeply question my purpose and value as a human being and wildly consider suicide very often as an approach to controlling my death and being prepared

That's a pretty heavy list, hon, especially the thoughts of what will happen when you pass on. But you know what, you're not totally alone there. I dwell on death a lot. Not suicidal thoughts because, thankfully, I've never had the urge to kill myself (at least not since my teenaged years) but I think about when I'm going to die and how I'm going to die and the scariest part of all? What happens after.

I'm personally agnostic. Not atheist, agnostic. There's a difference. Atheists deny the existence of God; Agnostics question the existence of God. I personally do NOT believe there's a God, yet I can't flat out deny that he/she/it exists. I can't prove there isn't a God anymore than a Christian man can prove there is. Nobody can. However, I'm not sure I want there to be a God. I can't imagine living spiritually forever once my physical body dies, to just go on and on and on and on and on and there's no end. That is ONE scary concept. But then, at the same time, I can't help but get a little creeped out that once you're dead, you're dead, there is no more. No consciousness, no nothing, just blackness. Which is what I personally believe in. I don't truly believe in a physical or spiritual afterlife. But because I'm agnostic and question everything, who the hell knows, maybe it exists. I'm kind of hoping not. Like I said above, I just can't get past the thought of living FOREVER to where there's no end. I think I'd rather just blank out and lose consciousness.

So that's what I obsess over because I honestly don't know which is scarier -- facing what's on the other side or becoming nothing at all.

[Neon]

I feel amongst friends here after reading this. WHY are we like this?! What do we have in common?!

(Do I need to send my GP flowers to apologise for my issues ha ha).

---------- Post added at 20:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:19 ----------

Also is anyone else an Apatheist?

[Linda01818]

I feel amongst friends here after reading this. WHY are we like this?! What do we have in common?!

(Do I need to send my GP flowers to apologise for my issues ha ha).

---------- Post added at 20:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:19 ----------

Also is anyone else an Apatheist?

Good question, about the Apatheism. For a long time I suppose I could have been considered that, seeing as I didn't give two hoots either way. If 'God' existed, fine. If he didn't, fine. Now, although I still don't believe that God himself exists, I sometimes think there has to be some kind of higher power, although I don't believe it's an actual being, but more of a different realm of existence, if that makes any sense. I mean, think about it... the world, the universe, the planets... how did it all get here?

Do I believe a being, i.e. a person (a.k.a God) created the heavens and the earth? No. I tend to lean more towards evolution than divine creation. Religion just makes no sense to me. If 'God' created the heavens and the earth, then who create HIM?

Whoa, okay, now I'm getting too deep in thought. Thinking about this kind of thing can make a person crazy, but that's why I try not to think about it too much. I totally respect those who believe in God and angels and heaven, etc. If that's what they want to believe, that's their prerogative and I respect it. I would never put down anyone's beliefs or religions. But, for me, that faith is just not there. Faith isn't something you choose to have - it just has to be. It's something that's in your heart. And it's just not in mine.

As for why we're like this, who knows. But you're right, we're among friends here because people in our lives can't understand how we think and how we feel unless they go through it. And my family and friends that don't understand, that's okay. I don't WANT them to know what it's like. I love them too much to wish this kind of mental (and even physical) hell on them. They're better off not understanding.