Salutations.

[nokindofhero]

Please, lend your hearts and read this for me. I'm sorry if it's lengthy.
Hey everyone, my name is Josh. I'm 27 years old. I play guitar in a few bands, I'm a writer, photographer and all around art enthusiast. I'm a caregiver and enjoy every minute of giving to my clients and their families. I have poor self image and I'm very awkward socially. I don't make friends easy because my anxiety makes me so aloof daily and people don't relate as well. I've even lost friendships and relationships purely on my anxiety. I miss touring with my bands but I can rarely be in public without being really tense and exhausting easily.

I am also bipolar type 1, but I am medicated and I try hard to work through my mood swings and irrational behaviors through therapy, spirituality and wellness.

I want to just summarize my life with anxiety and panic disorder right now.

It ruins my life, as I'm sure all of you are familiar with hearing and I've been a sufferer since I was 19.
It stifles my passion, longing for friendship, stability and job opportunities. I am also on disability and my mother still helps me out financially often. It makes me loathe myself.

I am constantly worried about cancer, heart problems like elevated heart rate, high BP, stroke, you name it.
I frequently feel dizzy, I imagine that I'm exhausted and try forcing myself to sleep, I have insomnia and gerd which have been giving me borderline tachycardia lately and freaking me out.

I am medicated for GAD, panic disorder and bipolar taking 10mg lexapro, 150mg lamictal and 200mg hydroxine PRN.

I have had many ER visits in the middle of the night, side of the road on a busy highway, downtown feeling trapped, last one being two months ago for panic that I thought was a stroke but turned out to be head congestion. Embarrassing. EKGs and chest scans all negative each time.
I have PVC palps occasionally, BP is usually somewhere around 140/70, heart rate at 60 and I check these all the time.

I'm presently suffering a lot of insomnia that I attempt to circumvent by taking 15mg melatonin a night. Doesn't always work.

I'm a big health nut yet I rarely enjoy the fruits of my dedication to it and am always alarmed easily, stress quickly, relax slowly and I've been agoraphobic off and on; presently homebound for 6 months.

I am a big believer in homeopathic medicine and I also take tulsi/holy basil capsules, I monitor and balance my potassium/sodium levels at 4700mg/2300mg as per national recommended and I love cardio and ab workouts, but I rarely enjoy them lately because I can hardly leave my house.

Thanks for reading.. I hope to talk with you guys soon. Peace and love. Nobody should suffer this way. My heart goes out to each of you.

[Agadch]

Hey, nokindofhero. Welcome to the site. I'm sorry you have it so tough. It's awful how much of a bad impact anxiety can have on our lives. I hope everyone on here helps you out and makes you feel better :)

[nokindofhero]

Thanks so much. I really, really need some people I can relate to.

Always worried about the smallest things.

I hope more people talk to me here. :)

[Agadch]

You'll definitely find people you can relate to here. The people here are all so lovely :)

[JustKeepSwimming]

Hey there,

I am new too, I joined earlier - welcome!

So far I have found people really nice :)

[aprilmoon]

Hi to you both! And welcome to NMP :)

[Catherine S]

Hi Hero, good to meet you. You intro info relates to us all so you're in good company here, and I hope you find some comfort.

No need for the first bit of your user name...people who live with anxiety, panic, depression etc every day are heroes simple as. You are stronger than you know, its only that your spirit is a little depleted right now but stick with us and we'll see you right.

ISB :)

[nokindofhero]

Thank all of you so much. Hi to you, too Swim.

Lately, my worries are focused around the heart and cancer.

Sudden movements like standing up cause my heart to pound for a few minutes from a comfortable 65bpm up to 95bpm and it makes me dizzy, exhausted, and restless.

My lymph nodes, if my doctor was feeling what I felt, are so rock solid they could pose a threat to my jugulars when my heart beats heavy because I feel slight pain from it around the same area when HR is elevated. It takes me roughly 30m-1hr to really calm down when I feel the fast pounding. Always has. My doctor sent me to an oncologist back in early 2011 but tests were negative. I have a low-normal platelet count of 134 and still do but he said absolutely not cancer even with low platelet and slight high white count, which at my recent ER visit was mentioned but they said it was highly likely that it was from my panic attack coming in.

I did get referred to an xray specialist because last time, a year ago, he said they were probably bones. Well, I never got my wisdom teeth.. maybe that's what they are? They're even kind of sharp pointed to me.

Question: Do any of you suffer skin sensitivity like hives from abrasions, or being touched? I get my haircut and my forehead breaks out, causing me to itch everywhere else too.

Seasonal allergies, maybe?

Thanks for every bit of support. It means the world to me and I will try to give any advice for others I may have for things I've learned on my own.

[Cen1]

Welcome, 200 of hydroxizine is mindblowing!