Desperate

[artistguy]

Hello. I just wanted to post and see what suggestions you may have because I am at the end of my tether and am in a very dark place at the moment.
For a few years I have had a fear of choking on food which seened to get better. Then in May I had a panic attack while out shopping and thought I was having a stroke. Then a few days later I was eating some bran and I inhaled a bit and started my choking panic attack off again. I started on some Citalopram but that made my anxiety sky high as did the Mirtazapine so I only took 8 tablets. Then all hell broke loose as I remembered a story my brother told me about a guy in prison finding glass in his food. My mind seemed to latch onto that and now I am afraid there is glass or poison in food even though it is very unlikely. I cannot get that fear out of my head. I think I am going mad. My life seems to be getting more and more miserable. Is there any hope for me to recover from this as I am now depressed and can't see any way out of this. I am very scared and I do not know what to do. Sorry to be a burden with my woes. Thanks in advance for reafing.

[Oosh]

Hiya

Firstly you didn't give the medication enough time to work. For the first so many weeks you have uncomfortable symptoms as the med gets into your system. So anxiety during the first 8 pills will have been normal. If you'd have given it longer, it may have settled down something that was more useful to you.

I discontinued the first time I tried Prozac because it felt so odd.
Tried it again and found it sort of useful for four years.

Whether meds is the way to go is another matter. Great for some and not for others. It's worth a try if you're desperate.

The thoughts you have about food are just suggestions, one of many you could have about eating or anything. They can be ones that frighten you, empower you, sadden you, elate you and so on.

You've latched onto the choking suggestion and now associate it with eating.
It plays in your mind when you eat or think of eating. Notice it.
What do you see ? What does the food look like ? What's in it ?
Etc etc
They're all the images you have attached to it.

Now you have new ones. Now you have prison images, broken glass images and so on. They're all just images with no more basis in fact than if you were imagining your food was full of smarties or pills to make you super human.

All of it is imagination.

The choking fear, is imagination. You SEE it first in your mind. It triggers your fear response. You probably SEE not being able to breathe and lots of other scary images.

But if it's imagination then you're in control of what you see.
The choking images, the glass in prison images are conjured up by your imagination. So if you can conjure up those images you can conjure up images of -

Small bites of food, very small, very manageable, safe, hardly needs chewing, very mouth/throat friendly, swallowing without effort down into your stomach and converting into new cells, making your bodily systems thrive, making you stronger, healthier etc etc

Not a scary image in sight. You are in control of those images and movies that play.
You may be in the habit of playing those scary movies/images but with practice you can attach whatever movie/images you want to it.

It applies to fear of flying or anything else.
Change the images/movies that play.
Stop triggering the panic response.
It's the images triggering the response.

Food IS safe.
You ARENT in prison.
There is NO threat.

If you need reassurance take small bites, mouth closed, chew thoroughly. Even wash each mouthful down with a tiny bit of water. ITS SAFE.
Your mouth and throat has literally been designed over millions of years to do exactly this task. You couldn't be in safer hands !

I know it's easier said than done. But getting control of those images and that panic response might be easier and quicker than a course of meds.

Get that rational side of your brain fighting back and calming you again. It just takes practice. Like strengthening a muscle. Little victories will weaken the panic response.

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hi artistguy for a start get it out of your head that your a burden because your certainly not ,you are suffering with a debilatating illness and I too have been in that dark place and thought there was no hope ,but there is hope you need to go back to see your gp take the medication because 8days isnt enough for them to kick in and I no the side effects are unpleasant but if they work great also if you have not had thearaphy cbt this can help you also set your self tasks small ones and do it everyday .

There is always hope love stay strong focused and positive xx