hi :)

[Toniandhollie]

Hi, someone gave me a link to this site, as I was just going round in circles trying to find something current. My daughter hasn't really been to school for around 18 months now, she's 14. It started due to bullying and she has had councelling and thankfully she's back in the land of the living, now,definately wasn'tl ast year. But she is terrified of school, going out in general,and still getting councelling for that. I don' tknow anyone in this situation, and thought it would be nice to hear from someone in the same boat, so i don't go crazy going round in circles, wondering if there's something I could be or should be doing .. thanks, Toni x

---------- Post added at 13:14 ---------- Previous post was at 12:56 ----------

PS I'm also trying to undersand how she feels with the panic and anxiety. When its just me and her at home, we're just fine, and i think I was just hoping she'd get up and go to school, I've now admitted she won't. She knows now that I don't understand how or why she feels like she does, but I know that she does feel that way and it is hard for her. This has helped enourmously, for both of us really. Love and hugs are free, but they aren't enough.

[AnxietyDJ]

Hi there, that's great that you are seeking help here on behalf of your daughter... if only more parents did the same! :)

Sorry hear hear that she's had a tough time of it... bullying is so despicable and what can take a person a few moments to do, can ruin someones life for years and years :(

You've come to the right place - there are loads of great people here who are all really helpful and some of which will have been through the same things that your daughter is experiencing - I myself find it hard to go out too much these days, especially to unknown or crowded places where there will be a lot of people i don't know. I'm still on my way trying to sort out the problems, so i am probably not the best person to give much advice, but you're doing the right things so far by the sounds of it :)

Anyway take care and it will be great to hear how you are both getting on.

[Toniandhollie]

thankyou, just looking around the site has made me realise how common this is, reading some of the posts is like listening to Hollie try and explain things to me .. I feel so bloody ignorant .... I know it's going to take time too, so I do have to be patient, which is probably not something I'm best known for! At least she is here with me, things could have been a lot worse, so I'm trying to do one day at a time. Would be nice to pop on and have a chat though if I'm feeling a bit lost and bullied by the local authorities over attendance - I know she isn't going they don't need to write and tell me! Thankyou x

[joseph0228]

I despised high school for many reasons but never told my parents how terrible things were. I wish I could give you some advice on how to handle things with your daughter but unfortunately I do not have children of my own. I can say, however, that just by your daughter feeling comfortable enough to tell you of her troubles is a major step forward and by you wishing to help is another huge step. Most people who are tormented in school keep it to themselves.

[littlemrs]

I had an awful time throughout my school life because of my social and general anxiety. I was, and am, extremely shy and would get so stressed about leaving the house to go to school I would make myself physically ill every morning. I wasn't bullied, I just couldn't handle leaving the house and being away from my place of safety for most of the day. I was given beta blockers and sent to a school psychologist who implied my brother was abusing me which was absolutely not the case - I was part of a close-knit and loving family. I walked away from this "therapy" feeling suicidal at 12 years old. I was threatened by the school attendance officer that if I didn't go to school my parents would end up in jail.

Eventually, by chance, my parents found out through our local authority that I could be home schooled. They informed my school I would not be returning and I spent the next four years learning from home. In the 90s taking GCSE's outside of school was difficult because of course work so I left school with next to no qualifications. I'm 35 now and still a sufferer but I'm studying for my degree through the Open University. I would imagine home schooling is a different ball game these days.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

[AnxietyDJ]

I can say, however, that just by your daughter feeling comfortable enough to tell you of her troubles is a major step forward and by you wishing to help is another huge step. Most people who are tormented in school keep it to themselves.

That's very, very true... Just facing up to it and letting other people into the situation is a big step forwards. The next step would be the proper authorities within the school / local gov etc. to do the right thing and take bullying more seriously and act to stamp it out right away. I know there has been a lot more attention on it in recent years, which is great (although very sad that it took terrible things to happen before people took notice), but I still get the feeling that it is easily swept under the carpet within some schools, so that they don't have any negative attention brought onto them... Pressures with funding / Ofsted etc. obviously don't help (not that that is any excuse).

Best of luck to you... With regards to supporting anyone with mental illness, the key really is patience, as you already said. There will be days when you feel frustrated and as though you are not getting through, but just being there so that your daughter can approach you and talk when she is ready is a big thing. It will all be worth it in the end, and there will be a light at the end of the dark tunnel :)

Good luck and enjoy the rest of your evening!

[Toniandhollie]

I can't get onto the chat forums yet, something I need to update on the computer apparently, but I would just like to say thank god you're all here! though for obvious reasons you probably wish you weren't... Hollie feels exactly the same as littlemrs, she has changed schools and the anti bullying policy is good at her new one, but the thought of leaving the house, her safety, is what she is battling with. Home schooling I'm not sure about as I am a single parent and work full-time, so not sure how that'll work - yes, that also means Hol spends all day on her own, definately ot a helpful thing.

But I wrote to the school last month so I could put my thoughts down without getting confused and now we are working with the school to get a referal to a special schooling unit, it's just the process takes so long. Currently still on a formal warning for court action .... I just keep hoping surely to god they won't take me to court ..but the rules are the rules, so they can and might ... but what's it going to achieve ...BUT I will worry about that if and when it happens.

For today, things are good, Hols had a little look around the site, as I think it might be useful for her too, and we had a nice chat last night, and even talked about last year, if I can do nothing else I can be there to listen, so all in all feeling positive ;) T x

[aprilmoon]

Hi Toni and Hollie
So glad this site is helping you both.
Just doing what you're doing for Hollie is wonderful Toni,you are her safe haven and that is priceless.
My eldest daughter is on the autistic spectrum, and was bullied mercilessly whilst in mainstream school. She also spent a while at home with me.
Sending hugs and best wishes to you both. :hugs: