feeling guilty ...

[Toniandhollie]

Hi, I'm new to the site, and joined to help my daughter, realised I've probably got some issues of my own I need to get off my chest ....here goes ...

I feel so guilty:
1 - I should have been more forceful with the headmaster of her primary school, he blamed all incidents on Hol from week one, I should have stood up for her more
2 - Bullying at senior school, should have pushed them more over what action they were taking over the bullies, they had names but nothing was done
3 - standing up to my mum, who I love to bits, but treated me like shit, in front of Hollie, don't think that helped
4 - stand up to mum over now treating Hols like shit- though this has been loads better recently
5 - being more forceful with the council/school over getting them to appreciate Hol isn't just naughty and having a tantrum, but absolutely terrified of school and unable to handle the situation - I've done that now, but should have done it sooner
6 - that's last year, she now has separation issues, I left her for 3 months when she was 4, with my mum, as I was in the RAF and had to go to Iraq ... this is probably the one thing I regret most in life ...
7 - not understanding sooner, shouting at her "for god's sake just get up and go to school" was not my best parenting...
8- still leaving her every day on her own, but have to work, or where we would we be .. still hard to do every day ... definately no help to her

Thankyou, I needed to do that

---------- Post added at 11:40 ---------- Previous post was at 11:36 ----------

oh and for being such a wuss, so much so that I am happy, when I call school to let them know Hols won't be in, when I get the answer machine and don't have to actually speak to the attendance lady

[ChrisScotland]

Hi.It's good to get things off of your chest, even if it's on a forum.I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, a lot of parents miss these type of things that are going on with their kids, mainly because they don't know anything about anxiety, and don't expect that their kid would be going through such a thing.

It's good that you now understand what is happening, and that you are doing something about it - hoping it'll fix itself and that it will go away won't happen, 'cause your kid is probably too young to know what to do about it.

In my opinion Schools should have courses for their teachers to go on, so that they can learn about the signs of anxiety in their pupils.Many teachers do little or nothing at all to combat bullying.They only see what goes on in their classroom, and miss the bigger picture.

I kept my anxiety hidden from my parents until a few years ago.I am now 36.They hadn't a clue I was going through anything when I was a kid.I wasn't bullied or anything, I was just a very anxious person.

I hope you can get something sorted for your kid so that she starts to feel a little more comfortable, and start to enjoy school.

[Toniandhollie]

thankyou, it's amazing so much stuff is going on in the word, my world even, and you just don't have a clue. Have to say though, as someone who's not a fan of the internet, this does seem to be rather a good place to visit ;)

[Rennie1989]

I share some of your points above, especially not standing up to my parents to the way they spoke and acted towards me, and it still plagues me.

But regretting things that happened in the past is counter productive. Unfortunately time travel to the past is impossible so we have to accept what happened, learn from what we did, and move on with the intention of implementing what we learnt. Everybody has regrets, some more than others, and our lives would not be shaped to the way they are without them.

[Toniandhollie]

you're right, I can't change the past, but can change the future .... feeling positive, and if I'm ok and strong, then she will be ok too

[AnxietyDJ]

you're right, I can't change the past, but can change the future .... feeling positive, and if I'm ok and strong, then she will be ok too

Exactly. What is done, is done and raking through the leaves of the past will never change things and only serve to make the present and future more negative. The most important thing is that you have clearly learned a lot from past experiences and are now using them to help both yourself and your daughter, which is brilliant :)

The future's bright... the future's... No wait, that's an advert isn't it... Well, you know what I mean :yesyes:

[Toniandhollie]

thankyou, I laughed ;)