All this is taking its toll

[jefferina]

Hello everyone I'm writing to today as I'm feeling really quite low...can't stop crying at the min... I'm not looking for sympathy just hoping if I write on here let it out then maybe it will help me...yesterday was my 2nd wedding anniversary which I no is a good thing to be celebrated but to me it highlights all my anxiety as 2yrs ago on my wedding was the last time I seen all my friends, my last social event.. After that I had a nervous breakdown and the dreaded social anxiety kicked in..at that time I took time out from everyone didn't realise that that sort of avoidance would lead to total isolation... It was like one week went to a month then a year and now two... When will this ever end???? I still can't see hardly anyone and the stress it's causing me is huge...ni just don't want to live this way any longer but I feel trapped in my own mind... I feel I will never get my life bk.. My husband is great but this to is no life for him... I'm so upset... I've tried hynosis, meditation, changing my diet, relaxation and recently joined a gym... I've read numerous self help info and let's face it the only way forward is exactly what I just can't do and that face your fears... I'm that anxious around people I just can't make myself do it...today is my husbands bday and he has popped round his mum and dads with our baby and I just couldn't go.... What a bday he will have I'm feeling so bad... He also off for two weeks but be a nightmare as I can't go anywhere... I'm struggling a lot lately it's like I'm getting worse not better I'm just so desperate for this to go....don't no what to do or where to turn finding this really hard... Sorry for the long boring post just didn't no what Else to do x

[Catherine S]

Hi jefferina, sorry you feel so sad. Can you say what exactly happens if you venture out? is it that you have a panic attack, or feel like you will be sick? People are nervous in social situations with strangers, but usually feel comfortable with family...what was your reason for not wanting to go with your hubby to your in-laws?

ISB x

[jefferina]

Hello... As soon as I'm around people I just start to panic because I start to go all blotchy and red and can't control it at all... It then leads to an anxiety attack... I haven't been in there house for two years I always get like that around them and the last time I went I had a bad panic attack.. It sound so ridiculous when I write it down but it's really effecting my life... I Wana get a grip I have a good life outside this problem that I desperately want to enjoy thanks for reply

[Catherine S]

Then it was a very brave step to join a gym...?

[jefferina]

Yeah and you no something I think I'm able to go there as I feel is ok that I'm all red and blotchy like its normal and I don't stand out if that makes sense... It's difficult for me and not sure why your asking that??i My problem is genuine and I'm doing what I can to help myself... I take one step forward like the gym and then ten steps back... Maybe I read that wrong but I really hope your not implying I'm not genuine ...

[Catherine S]

Sorry, I was asking because you'd said previously that you have tried everything to overcome not wanting to be around people so it was surprising that you have joined a gym, but your explaination of it makes sense. You prefer to have your panics amongst strangers rather than people who know you and can judge you?

[jefferina]

Yeah that's exactly it weird I no xx

[Catherine S]

I think it does make sense and well done for taking that step, it can't be easy. Hopefully it may lead to building your confidence enough to try other social situations in the future. Small steps :)

ISB x

[.Poppy.]

I completely get the preference to be around strangers...strangers are often easier to deal with because their opinions ultimately don't matter. They also don't know you, so any quirks like turning red or having a shaky hand is not noticed as readily (or commented on) and therefore it doesn't happen as often because you don't get as worked up in anticipation.

I do think you need to take baby steps, but those steps are up to you. Maybe you can start by inviting a close friend or your in-laws to your house for a basic dinner. Maybe you can meet with friends in a dark bar at night, so you can see them but they won't be able to easily see if you become blotchy. You may have to be creative, but it's important to at least try.

Best of luck to you - you can do this!

[aprilmoon]

Just wanted to send a hug :hugs:

[jefferina]

Thank you so much poppy and aprilmoon means a lot xx